Eve Teasing

breeze

I wish this were true, but it's not.
You can cover yourself with a sack, with just two eye-holes, and still get targetted. Especially in public transport, and crowded bazaars.

Whatever you do, don't take is silently, show your anger, and create a scene.

I have on one occasion clobbered a slimeball with my handbag, and had him beg for mercy. Was it satisfying? No.
I was still feeling so violated and angry. But atleast he got the message, and yes, now when I think back, that image of me whacking that guy's head actually makes me laugh...

But I think it's best if you stayed away from physical retaliation. Just raise your voice, draw attention to yourself, and the rat will slink away.

cyhiraeth

I'm actually from upstate New York, (We have lots of trees ) so I'm actually not used to big city street smarts.

Any ideas about those different social signals? (I know that kind of thing is often difficult to put into words.)

cyhiraeth

I'm 5'0"... yay for short people! I was actually thinking my height would be an assest; I may be pretty darn white, but at least my height wont draw attention to me. Maybe it just makes me look like an easier target though, hard to say. I try to carry myself the same way.

Any suggestion on something similarly useful to say in Tamil?

Nick-H

You might find even, that (should you succeed in getting them interested) that violence by the police is not a pretty sight, either.

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aggienm

Sack over your head would be a most excellent way to draw attention to yourself both in India and other parts of the world as well

capt_mahajan

Much as I advocate a uniform beat the crap out of them approach, this is what is sensible, I guess.
(similarities to The Art of War? )


-if outnumbered, outgunned and/or in lonely areas, get out of there

-if in public crowded places shout etc and encourage others to beat the 'eve teasers' up. Or at least consider the one tight slap approach.

-if travelling with Joe Louis (or if Laila Ali yourself), beat them up at every opportunity.

-if solo guys harrass you in crowds, whack them whenever convenient.

Keep in mind this approach will work in very large cities. Small cities and towns, specially in North India, have a dynamic of their own.

Come to think of it, so does Delhi, somewhat.

*jyoti*

The hardest situations are when someone is standing very close, but it is hard to tell if they are standing too close on purpose so they can stand against you, or if it is just your Western personal space being affronted. Saying a loud, but not screaming, "Excuse me" while stepping away is a good way to get out of it. Then, if they are being out of line, they won't want attention drawn to themselves and will slink away. If they were just too close, you still haven't actually accused them of anything--just made it clear that you are uncomfortable with someone in your space. If they don't back off, and your instincts are sending red flags, they probably are being inappropriate. Say "excuse me" louder, or "A little space."

As someone mentioned earlier, out and out groping is more the drive by/walk by variety.

See also other threads about encountering strange men, being too friendly. Not appearing approachable or an easy target also helps with those things.

But I have never had trouble when traveling or on the trains of this type. At least, not physically. What the guys giggling as you walk by are saying is always hard to tell. I have had trouble at the bus stop in Mysore and Bangalore (KSRTC, not local), even when fellow friends, with cat callers and gropers. So you may or may not have any issues.

capt_mahajan

No decent Indian guy will stand that close to you. Period*.

He may brush against a male by mistake, maybe. Rarely against a female- and certainly. not repeatedly. A female is automatically given her space in India, except when she is being harrassed.


* Unless you want him to, of course

*jyoti*

On the bus or something it seems unavoidable, but usually they will try to turn their back to you or make it clear they are trying not to be near you if at all possible.

I was given the advice on cultural adjustment (to a group), "It is just your own issue with personal space and you need to adjust to the culture, not them adjust to you. Get used to it, it is not because they are being inappropriate." Bad bad bad advice.

Other advice: Head for a group of women. In a crowded situation, purposely put yourself in the midst of women. DO NOT get yourself into a situation where you're surrounded by guys. Women tend to stick together, and they will not think you strange at all to come stand with them. Indian women would never allow themselves to be stuck in a crowd of strange men, so this will be clear body language that you are not being appropriate, no matter how you are dressed.

dhans

From our 1997 report: 1. Babe-bumping; grownup youths walking up against western females (more than once in a while also using their hands). After 10 days Mirjam found the answer; she turned around and smacked them. This is especially effective if their friends are watching; they lose a lot of face being hit by a woman.

It helps!!

Hans

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the opoponax

The main reason I stress that it's really not that likely to happen, and that it didn't happen to me at all, is that I feel like there's this weird assumption by western women traveling to the "developing world" that they are going to be sexually harassed constantly. We've talked about it here, I know. But the more I think about it, the more it chafes.

Yes, this is something that "can" happen. And, sure, best to be aware that it's a possibility; always good to be prepared. But bottom line? I don't think it's something that western women need to be particularly worried about in India, at least not any more than we are worried about it every time we leave the house, in general. I was sexually harassed incessantly in Italy, but I don't remember this level of fervor about it prior to my trip.

I'm sorry, but all this Women's Travel Safety stuff just wears thinner and thinner, especially now that I'm on the other end of it.

On a more positive note, Cyhiraeth (am I spelling that right?) had questions about social signals. The easiest and most important thing to remember is that in India men and women are not expected to be platonic friends. You should be more careful about striking up casual conversations with strange men. Also, people are not expected to be as friendly with "the help" (whether chai-wallah, bellboy, driver, waiter, etc). Lots of smiles and eye contact can be perceived as a come-on, when you just thought you were being polite.

machadinha

Aye, Opo I quite agree.

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Sama

I'm with you, opo!

bad stuff can happen wherever you are in the world. hell, I was a freshman in high school taking the bus into downtown Chicago about a 100 years ago when I came face to face with a "fondler". why do women expect this shit to happen "just because" it's India?!?

of course, I guess I'm safe since women over 40 are invisible anyway.....

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Haylo

I realise that I cannot speak for the OP on this, but I don't expect anything to happen "just because" it's India. I am and have been very well able do deal with situations in England, but I posted to this thread because like the OP, I was curious to know what reactions are likely if I confronted anyone.

Personally, I think that wherever you are in the world, acting scared and assuming a "victim mentality" is just asking for trouble.

Thanks for pointing that out, it would have been easy for me to send the wrong signals by mistake. Being an engineer (and frankly a downright tomboy) I feel perfectly comfortable in the company of men, even a group of strangers, and tend to seek out their company because I normally have more in common with them than other women.

anu_k

i don't believe that people think this way.

i think that if you look different you tend to attract more attention. personally i have had to deal with more unwanted (and unwarranted) attention from the opposite sex travelling in europe than in india or sri lanka... and I put this down to not looking european.

in terms of dealing with harrasment... i would say the same goes where ever in the world you are.