Eve Teasing

cyhiraeth

Suggestions on ways to deal with Eve teasing?

I'm not talking about wearing modest clothing and not walking alone at night; how do you handle yourself after you find yourself in a situation?

If some pervert rubs up on me, is telling him to "piss off" in English going to be very effective?

I'm sure that any harassers reaction is going to be different depending on the situation, but as problematic as steriotyping is, I'm wondering if there differences in how an American vs an Indian harasser might respond to a woman fighting back.

(Not trying to be negative here, just want to be prepared.)

Haylo

Whatever the advice is given about sexual harrassment, personally I cannot imagine my reacting in any other way than with outrage and anger at the very least - possibly including a violent retaliation if I was angry enough.

So yes, I will be watching this thread with great interest.

zoltan

The best method is to be loud and precise.

Make it known that someone is doing the wrong thing to you (or friends) and point at them.

Crowds will form very quickly and the majority of Indian people do not tolerate this sort of behaviour. I have read of people (the perps) getting beaten up by locals for doing this sort of thing.

Cheers
Zoltan

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Radjesh

Yes, I agree with Zoltan

Make a scene and get people's attention. Generally people anywhere in India do not tolerate this kind of behaviour, the perpetrator may/may not get a beating, but he will surely learn a lesson never to repeat this again.

Third Chimp

I have seen a hard stinging slap on the cheeks to be quite effective! I mean the cheeks that are close to the ears

capt_mahajan

Commonly called the 'one tight slap'.

04274108

Definitely judge the situation. If it's a 1 on 1, I'd go to town on the fellow. Glare at him, hoof him in the nuts and beat him with your shoe. If the perv happens to be with a group, I'd say a strong glare, firm no and move to a public area as fast as possible.

the opoponax

I don't want to tell you not to worry about it at all, because yes it's an outside possibility. And probably more likely than it would be at home if you live in a suburb where you drive everywhere and don't spend a lot of time in crowds of strangers.

But I didn't get sexually harrassed at all the entire 2 months I was in India (aside from a creepy moment with a rickshaw wallah who was already trying to scam me, anyway). And I'm in the prime demographic for it (young, traveling alone, petite, fair, etc).

All in all, unless you fear that you are in immediate physical danger, I'd just deal with it the same way you would at home. Perhaps getting a little more vocal or physical than usual, if you really think it's necessary.

However, as long as you dress respectfully and try to be aware of how social signals differ between Western and Indian cultures, you'll probably be fine.

Edit because I just noticed you're a New Yorker -- seriously, you have nothing to worry about. Just do exactly what you do at home (though I guess flipping the bird might be lost in translation, so definitely go vocal).

Nick-H

Should I ask? Probably I'm better off not knowing!

Anyway... here's 2ps's worth from me:

most such events, if you are unlucky enough to experience them, are likely to be of the quick grope on the way past variety. They guy won't even look back, though he may be giggling with his friends. This might tend to leave you fuming even more than a face-to-face situation. However: do you really want to spend any extra time handling a turd? Let him go and walk away from it.

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Sama

don't they say that in England?!?

and what do you say about English, Nick?

it's when you show your middle finger to someone....

you've never flipped someone off? flipped him the bird? you can always hold up three fingers and say "read between the lines".....

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the opoponax

Brilliant! I'm going to keep that in mind all summer on the streets of New York...

Oh, and 'flipping the bird' is a colloquialism for 'giving the finger'. Which is also a colloquialism, of course. In the US, as I'm sure you know, brandishing your middle finger at someone is considered an obscene gesture. How it got to be known as flipping the bird, I'll never know.

Nick-H

No, Sama, this is a completely new one to me! We just say, "Up yours!" to explain the same gesture. Less imaginative, I guess...

Thanks both, anyway .

And as for taking on that teenage turd (he'll be a teenager, even though he might be 30. Or 40...) --- he probably won't have been alone, probably wouldn't have had the guts to do anything by himself. You don't know what they are saying to each other; who is calling who, who is going to appear from nearby... you cannot tell how a crowd situation might turn out.

If, however, you happen to be by a building site, and can (despite the language difference) invoke instant support from the sisters labouring thereon, then tearing the little bastard to bits might pass a few minutes in a satisfactory fashion

Haylo

Ooh, I fancy some nice new dangly ear rings. Have to say that India is sounding better and better by the day!

Not that I have any particular concerns about this, from what I've heard it is uncommon and in any case, despite being only 4' 10" I don't give off "victim" vibes.

Having said that, what is Hindi for "You are a disgrace to your family and your country, I would not even piss on you if you fell in the fire at my feet"?

karuna

Flipping the bird is indeed an Americanism but I've heard of it.

I have been touched and hassled in India and never touched or hassled at home (and I don't live in a suburb, I don't have a car and I spent yesterday trying to buy a pair of jeans in the middle of a crowd of drunken rugby fans in the city centre), but anecdotes are pretty pointless, they don't prove anything. Besides, this thread isn't about the likelihood of it happening, it's about dealing with it, and I think Zoltan and Radjesh have answered that one perfectly!

Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't, but now you know how to deal with it.

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machadinha

I naturally had to look up the etymology of the expression (inquisitive mind, right, and it was new to me, too)... didn't get me very far though; it appears "to give someone the bird" is an older term in various forms of English for being dismissive or derisive of someone (for reasons that I haven't found out -- I'm thinking now maybe the wagging of a hand or so?), which then somehow but unexplainedly got mixed up with the common gesture, itself said by many sources to date from ancient Roman or Greek times at least (the gesture seems to be alluded to in some plays of the time), presumably some phallic thing.

Anyway to the topic at hand, just a note in view of the somewhat gleeful expectation to have someone beaten up by bystanders: Mob violence in India is generally not a pretty sight and this is a vast understatement, if you ever get to witness it, you might wish you had never wished for it. Just something to keep in mind before possibly unleashing a crowd on some perpetrator for some minor offence.

That is not to say that I wouldn't agree calling public attention to your situation is your best line of defence, and the common advice (I'd say this is far safer and wiser even than the tight slap with unpredictable results, certainly if you're a stranger all on your own -- it may sound cool, but what are you gonna do if it gets out of hand); just try to keep things in perspective.

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