monkey in my kitchen!

billyshake

Last week I had a minor dust-up with a camel. I thought that was fun, but today a monkey was in our kitchen here at the office (Lotus Pond, Jubilee Hills). I guess it's not all that common in Hyderabad and the monkey scared the hell out of some of the staff because he was a big F'er. I couldn't help it... I chased him all over the place and he shat on the floor. I was tempted to shit in my own hand and throw it at him but I thought the better of it since my co-workers would look harshly on me for doing so. I can't even explain how much this made my Monday! I wish he woulda stuck around. I would've named him Melmer and we could've been a pair of private detectives solving crimes using my agility and his brains. "Melmer and the Monkeyman" -- a dark serial exposing the Hyderabad underground through the eyes of an idiot and his monkey friend. Lost opportunity, I guess.

Nick-H

I saw a monkey on our next-door house roof the other week, and a few elsewhere in Chennai a month or so ago.

This upsets me. Monkeys are one nuisance that Chennai, in my time here, has been free of. We do not need it!

mirjamd

Let's hope they do not conquer Chennai! I hate them with a vengeance... But I think the idea of Melmer and the Monkeyman is brilliant, am eagerly awaiting the movie

Prashant.M

billyshake

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ananda2193

Beware of the monkeys in Varanasi. You don't want to mess with them.

Nick-H

I don't want to mess with monkeys anywhere!

billyshake

I honestly can't help it. I see them and I just want to dress them up in little sailor suits and make them monkeys sing and dance! Dance, you damn monkey! Sing for me, you simian beast!

Of course, that's impossible. In all reality, if they didn't have such big, nasty teeth, I'd lasso a monkey and teach it to ride a tricycle, make toast, play backgammon, that sort of thing.

Nick-H

Then we'd have no alternative but to ban you!

PeakXV

I had one come in my open window at the Clarke's in Shimla. It was sitting at the table having a biscuit & cup of my high tea which had arrived while I was finishing up in the shower. Upon seeing me stark naked, with my jaw dropped lower than a carpet viper - it then proceded to take a last sip of tea, snatched a final biscuit & quickly left the way it obviously had entered.

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Don't go to India ~ Pre-trip Warnings & Misconceptions?

billyshake

Gee whiz, it's not like I said what I was really thinking... that I'd dress the monkey up in a red skirt and lipstick and name it Mizz Smackers. I mean, I didn't say that at least...

ashakasha

I love the monkeys. Absolutely love the heck out of them. However...

I had one langur jump up behind me while I was eating my breakfast at Namaste in Rishikesh and show his teeth....I mean, my husbands eyes got so huge because the monkey was close enough to bite my head! I literally leapt over the table and two chairs. The arrogant bastard looked so pleased with himself for scaring everyone off. Then he took a handful of porridge and ran.

In Kathmandu, I watched a huge macaque jump onto a woman's head and start biting and scratching her, unprovoked.

In Brndavan, the monkeys line the streets waiting to steal peoples food. I watched another macaque attack a man for his grocery sack. They run all around the restaurants and stalls there.

Poor monkeys in Varanasi. So many get electrocuted everyday....then it takes days for them to die.

There are some simple solutions here. If you don't want wild animals jumping on and into your house, dispose of your rubbish properly! I mean, come on!

carlaeb

Varanasi monkeys know how to open the fridge. If you leave food on the counter, they will take it. That's why everyone has grills around their porches. Leave the door open, and monkeys are sure to be in your kitchen, regardless of rubbish disposal. They steal clothes hanging to dry, too.

billyshake

Perhaps there's need of invention here. Some kind of scarecrow-like scaremonkey. It would have to be mechanical, loud, and have the ability to throw a simian's poop back at them. Or perhaps "Monkey-Away Spray." I bet a fella could make some money on that. I'll go to my secret lab now and begin tests. I wonder on what kind of animal I'll test the various iterations of my diabolical invention? Perhaps I'll use a dog. Or a monkey. Hard sayin'.

iwanttogoback

i hear dubya is looking for work.

brishti

ouch -



:brishti