Gay guy visiting Delhi - looking for people to hang out with

Anglo_Indian

Im a 31 yr old gay indian guy but lived in the US & UK most of my life, currently based in central London. I am visiting New Delhi on business for 2 months until Mid December and am extremely bored here. I've been living away from India for too long and am very liberal / open minded.. I would love to meet another gay guy to go out in Delhi to nice restaurants, lounges, etc..

I find it extremely tough to be Gay in this country given all the problems here.. and legal issues concerning homosexuality - I am completely out and been living a very free life in London.. but here I feel like i'm in a prison..lol. Due to the non-acceptance and backwardness of Gay life in India - there is also a lot of mistrust and criminal activity targetted towards Gay people here - especially westernized gay men. I'm not looking for anything more than just someone to go out with, explore delhi, maybe travel a bit around the country etc.... prefer to meet in a public place first and take it from there.

P.S. - do not reccomend an of those gay indian websites please.. ive tried them and have nothing in common with 99.99% of the people on those sites. I am very westernized, well established in life and quite well educated..thanks.

OrangeStreet

Hi

Hope you have a good stay.

I wouldnt term it as 'backwardness'. Its just the cultural acceptability of such issues is not yet prevalent and I think anyobody who visits India should keep such in mind. I do agree with the points you have raised, but at the same time, If you just want friends to hang out with, Why do they need to know in the first place that you're gay?

Suggest you to hangout with people and make some new friends. In due course, you can tell them about your sexual preferences and am sure if they are good friends, they would appreciate your lifestyle and way of living.

Dont get me wrong, but to me the headline 'Gay guy looking for friends' etc doesnt give out the right vibe. So I'd just suggest, Please come to India, make friends, enjoy our culture, be a part of it and am sure you wouldnt find it a prison.

Good luck

zeroseven

Hmmmm

trustindia

Orange street, the guy is gay and he IS living in India, so he's relating HIS experience.

He's looking for gay friends to hang out with, is there anything wrong with that, the title may suggest one thing but read his post, he's specifically looking for gay friends, not just friends.

Zeroseven, I think your being a bit hard on the guy, his post seems honest enough to me.

zeroseven

I thought we'd moved on beyond this. Friends are friends, if thats what he's looking for.

Anglo_Indian

sorry but its not easy for gay people in india to make friends - the gay culture here is way tooooo discrete and underground - and I have tried associating with str8 people in parties - the minute they even get a slight clue I am gay - they all run away... even the wealthy people here are very closed minded when it comes to homosexuality - almost like they think gays are sick or not normal... and when i've told people outright that I am gay - they gave me a shocked look and never spoke to me again...i dont get offended by their behaviour but India has a looooooong way to go as far as accepting homosexuality goes. Then they have all these pre-concieved notions here that Gays are all feminine and dress up like women etc.. well im extremely masculine, 6 feet and quite muscular.. so every indian woman's dream guy...LOL..

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Kingstonian

What a nice simple world that would be.

OrangeStreet

Errrr I was just giving out my opinion. I dont see why You are getting all worked up.

My point still remains the same, "I'm not looking for anything more than just someone to go out with, explore delhi, maybe travel a bit around the country etc.... prefer to meet in a public place first and take it from there."

If that IS the case, how does it matter if the people he hangs out with are gay or straight?

Having said that, I totally agree with his observation of our society being way too narrow-minded and I feel for him. Good luck to you Anglo, Hope you find what you seek.

Nick-H

I agree absolutely that one can meet many people in India who are fifty years "behind" on many matters of gender and gender roles as well as sexuality.

Whilst it is quite true that it really is not necessary to announce one's sexuality in a search for friends, I can also see that, in a country where one is never far from having an explanation demanded as to why one is not married, that it must be tough, and it must be very uncomfortable not to be able to give the simple, straightforward, two-word answer, and then just move on to the next topic of the conversation. How the hell do two guys in what some of the rest of the world considers a 'civil partnership' cope with this? But we are married: to each other. Yes, I can see that being a show stopper in quite a few parties. Of course, there are lots of broad-minded, cosmopolitan people, with up-to-date thinking on this, and also, of course, many gay people, in India.

So, although I'm being a bit if-you-don't-like-India-then-tough, I'm also sympathetic to the situation here. I know I would find it hard to have to pretend, and even lie.

By the way, don't know the background to this, just saw the headline in passing, but a senior Indian court has just ruled that homosexuality is not a disease. I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear that .

OrangeStreet

And again, My question is if I being straight was seeking friends, I wouldnt type I'm 25 straight guy etc.

I would just write am a guy. And 'hanging out, per se' has nothing to do with my sexual preference.

Anglo_Indian

I was at a party recently and was introduced to a mid-aged, very smartly dressed and "apparently" westernized lady who happened to be single... we were just chatting generally and I asked her (very normally) if she has any kids.. now in the west you dont have to be married to have kids... but to this she immediately said - OH NO i'm not married - (I wanted to say thats not what I asked you - I asked if u had any kids...)

But anyway I said i'm single too... and after that she immediately got up and ran away and did not speak to me the entire time. I was quite shocked as to what did I say to offend her so much??? Did she think I was hitting on her?? I am GAY and was just being normal... I do find people here to be a bit too oversensitive.

OrangeStreet

Lol... Believe you me, You may land yourself in some serious soup asking somebody whos single if they have kids.

"now in the west you dont have to be married to have kids... "

And hence my point, This is not the west, this is India. Our culture, belief and values are different than the west. It does not make us right or wrong (not on all counts, ie), Just different.

OrangeStreet

'Any kids?' 'No am unmarried' 'Am single too!'

I read those three statements in one sentence and I can understand why a middle-aged Indian women would distance herself from you.

In India, Culturally, It is considered impolite to ask someone if they have kids when they are unmarried.

Anglo_Indian

ok there is a bit of a misunderstanding here - when I asked her that question I did not know she was Unmarried or Single - she did not look very young - so its quite funny I was just trying to get to know her better and got caught in a moment where I did not realize what would be better to ask - do u have kids or are u married?? Well obviously I picked the wrong choice of question about her personal life..

Also she seemed very westernized and smartly dressed (in a very western outfit) and I was in a way attracted to her just to get to know her better and maybe make a friend... but I also think that in Indian society its still not very common to see males / females being JUST friends...

OrangeStreet

Well, I dont know what to say.. I see a lot of things that you probably have misconceptions about... And this isnt entirely your fault, It probably has to do with Social & cultural differences.

If I would see a lady and if I'm attracted to her, I would ask her if shes married and not if she has kids. That may sound cheeky to some but to most it would sound offensive, if they are single, that is.

Also, wearing a western outfit does not mean he/she is subscribed to western culture and belief as well. They may wear Gucci and smell of CD but culturally speaking, most women are NOT westernised. It is a huge taboo in India to have kids without marriage.