UK lady with Indian partner looking to meet others in similar situ..

jewel-in-the-dust

for want of a better title to this thread..
I have been looking at many other posts and threads, in an attempt to find other girls to connect with, share experiences etc..That's not meaning to exclude guys of course! I just literally am keen on getting to know some people and sharing experiences of all the cultural considerations, etc..I'm aware that this is a much discussed topic, and having read some pretty 'hairy' threads froma while back, don't want to open any old woulds!
would love to hear..

The_Londoner

Hey Jewel..

Slightly in different situation here, London guy, with an Indian other half from Bangalore.. So I thought let me say a big hello..

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sidtim

Hi Jewel,

Mumbai guy with American ex-gf with whom I am gonna be traveling in Leh next month here. HELLO!!

jewel-in-the-dust

Helloooo..to Londoner and Sidtim!
tell me, are you having the usual visa problems? sorry to dive straight in on that topic, but it's a hot issue for us right now!
I started a thread called 'Uk visas for indian nationals' in chai and chat, just looking for recent feedback (other threads were older)from those finding it difficult
to bring heir partners to their respective countries??

snooks

Hi there

Yup - I am in the same situation. I have been living in India on and off for 2 1/2 years, on tourist visas, and have an Indian fiancee who have been with for 2 years. I am in UK at the moment as visa has run out, as has the money - I come to do a stint of supply teaching with lasts me 6 months there!!! I am due to return in July, get married and we are then planning to come to London in January. Am having nightmares about applying for his visa even now!

Have also had a look on your visa thread - can't offer too much help there. We have been to the offices in Chennai and there were helpful in that they told us exactly what we need to bring in when we do come to apply. But I am increasingly worried, particularly since i have been back this time, about there being SO much in the news about the issue of immigration! Oh well, will cross that bridge when we get to it.

But I wanted to say hi and say yes, there are people in the same position!!!

The_Londoner

Hey Snooks,

I know how you feel.. I haven't been to India for over a decade, but I'm planning to spend some time there and get married there.. May be a year and than apply for her Visa and come to London.. Like you, I'm dreading it.. Oh well, It's not time for me to worry as yet.. Right now, I'm really just so looking forward to spending some time in India.. Specially after reading so many wonderful stories and adventures of forum members..

Valini

Hello

Well my story gets even more complicated. I'm a Brit, living in France (where I have been a resident since 99) and am soon to marry an Indian then we will settle in France together.
Not easy at first, but trust me there are simple procedures to follow then fingers crossed...........
I'll keep you all posted!

jewel-in-the-dust

Hi Snooks!
Good to meet you..so there are several people who are going through this at this time, when as I've said and you've mentioned, it's all a bit more of an issue than previously, or that's how it would seem. At the risk of sounding paranoid, it seems to be slightly more difficult for women with Indian partners, than the other way around too.
But that said, each situation is unique, or should be, and it seems you've got some good background with your partner, you're kind of where I imagine we'll be, in a couple of years. You have a good history, and plenty to prove you're 'genuine'(as they say!) etc..I'd really like to stay in touch though, as I think we are all 'guinea pigs' in a sense, at a slightly more 'intense' time in immigration in the UK. It's not a great feeling! My guy is going to be submitting his application finally, at the end of this week, with the final docus he's been asked for, those being proof of his fathers' position/ ID in the Indian army, proof that his father owns property, and any insurances associated with that. As well as the stuff you may have noticed I had to send? All for a tourist visa.. crazy...

jewel-in-the-dust

Hi Victoria!
Welcome to the gang!!
As I understand it, its a little less complicated in the 'wider' Eu? Or maybe not?
The following info may not be of any use to you as you're settling in France, but it's kinda interesting..
I read a thread on an immigration forum in which someone identified..if as a UK citizen, you take up employment in another part of the EU, say italy for example, and you teach english/work for six months, and have your non-eu spouse with you for this duration, which they would allegedly be entitled to do, after working for six months, you would be entitled to take them back to the UK.
Here,as your spouse, under EU law they would be eligible for a settlement visa. Whether that actually works in practise or not, I wouldn't know..but hey, it's another avenue to consider..I quite fancy six months in Italy or somewhere are nice..!

The_Londoner

Jewel,

It may be worthwhile talking to an Immigration Lawyer. You'll be surprised how much they may be able to help and guide you. Though there will be cost involved.

snooks

Good good luck with the application - do let us know how it goes (which I am sure you will)

As you said - we are lucky in that we have been together for a time and living together for 2 years. Not that we have any official proof - no bills, cash in hand for rent - you know the informal way it can be! But I could fill a room with people who could attest to the fact we are genuine.

The biggest problem is that that is really all we have - his family are very traditional and live in a tiny village. They own a very small piece of land which they farm but otherwise, they has no official documents which could help his application. He has no birth certificate (though I know this is no prob), no bank account, no 'official' payslips, no official job even. He has worked in the same hotel/restaurant for 6 years - yes, I am the cliche english girl who fell in love with the waiter - and I know the connotations many people draw from that. We have had a tough time dealing with other people's preconceptions and judgements and NO, he's not in it for a visa - if anything, it is me saying that we have to come back for a while. I do not want to be in UK longer than we have to be!!

AS for me, I have been doing voluntary work in India for time I have been there - unoffically and unpaid. I have a flat that is rented out in London so at least can prove we have somewhere we can live. When I come back to london every 6 months, I supply teach and, while I am 'officially' employed by the agency and they have agreed that I can use themon the application, but I cannot provide the 6 months payslips they want. My bank account is beginning to look relatively healthy (compared to having nothing in it, anything is healthy!) but i doubt it is full enough. And I know for a fact that noone in my family will act as a sponsor for him.

Tell you one thing, I wouldn't give him a visa based on this. I know we will be married and can prove we are a genuine couple, but otherwise, on paper, we do not have much going for us. The embassy will deal with facts rather than emotions and we will have to deal with that when we come to it.

The next few months are going to be VERY interesting......

My fingers and toes are crossed for you.

jewel-in-the-dust

Hey Snooks..that's a beautifully honest rendition of your story..I empathise with you in many ways..It's awful to have a niggling feeling that you're some kind of cliche in some peoples' minds, and to have to face the sceptisism of families and friends in the west! At least that's whats' happening in my world anyway..
I have a small jewellery business, I buy silver from India and sometimes stones and things, as I make jewellery myself also, I met my partner in one of my suppliers! he was one of the better salesmen there, in that he wasn't 'pushy', and was really laid back, just a genuine sweet guy,it was love at first encounter for me!
He's a Rajput from Pali in Rajasthan, comes from a traditional background, also from a village..His fathers' in the Indian army, and therefore pretty srict, values etc..
It wasn't easy for his family to get their heads around him being involved with a 'foreigner', and also an older lady..yes, there is an age gap between us of some fifteen years.. When I first met Sam, he'd assumed I was in my early thirties, which I found out when I finally got round to telling him I'm actually forty. It was a shock I think..I guess i'm one of these 'western women' who vainly tries to keep age at bay, and it seems I'm doing ok at that, I guess.. Anyway, I digress..So, here we are now, at this point of applying for a tourist visa, so he can come to mine..meet my people like I've met his etc..it shouldn't be such a big deal should it?!
It should be today in fact, that he puts the application in, though like I said earlier, he has been asked for these other extra documents, proof of his father's ID, property etc it depends if they've arrived in Delhi..
I will certainly keep you posted Snooks, I'd like to chat with you a bit if that's poss too..am thinking of coming over to India myself next year when my daughter gets settled in college and doing some voluntary work, maybe even in drug treatment. I worked in that area for ten years in the UK, five of which were volutary, it'd be enlightening and interesting to do the same in another country!
Anyway, take care for now, and thanks for the support!

snooks

SNAP!!!

At 38, I am 11 or 12 years older than Baskar - he knows his birthday but not the year. His mother and his school leaving certificate differ on the matter. Not that it makes much difference, we meet somewhere around 30!!

We certainly do not make it easy ourselves eh?! My family think I am crazy and doubt his motives. Which upsets me as I am not 16 and I can make my own judgements. They will not accept that everyone who has met him, including some very sensible teachers I know who are of a sensible age, agree with me that he is simply an honest, loyal, hardworking, fantastic man. It hurts that they judge him having not met him. I can appreciate much of what they say and acknowledge the value judgements they are bringing to the situation but I cannot make them accept it. It's hard to do something that, to me, feels so right knowing that I am causing worry and upset for them but hey, it is my life. I have been through ups and downs (who hasn't by the time we got to 30-something) and I have survived. But i am taking a path they cannot understand, that is against what they want/expect for me (of course, being happy seems to get forgotten here!)

THere are many many boys/men in my town who do pick up any random westerner and do very well out of it - holidays, motorbikes, help with restaurants etc etc. People are amazed Baskar and I ever got together as he never talked to any foreign girls bar taking orders. We went the old fashioned route of talking, getting to know eachother, trying to ignore what was happening and here we are, 2 1/2 years down the line proving that we have something more. We have been through really hard times, much of it of my doing as I fight the demons of prejudice (mostly from white men who will sleep with anyone but accuse me of f***ing a local) and jealousy (the indian boys in town who think i am just out for sex and him for money because THEIR latest conquest has left town!).

But you know, we have both been lucky enough to have met someone special and can see past the preconceptions. We will have to face this throughout our relationships, even once we are married. I am sure that we will face difficulties in UK - I am fortunate to live in London very near a large Tamil community (albeit Sri Lankan!!) but this country certainly is not overly tolerant at the moment. But it is the consequence of the decisions we take. I am sure you have questioned whether it is worth i t- I certainly have. But then, I am not going to walk away just coz it is tough. Baskar's view is a beautifully uncomplicated one - he loves me, wants to marry me and have a family so we will deal with what that entails.

And we, everyone in a similar situation, will do just that. Yes, there will be the relationships that don't make it - mine could well be one of them. But that can happen irrespective of whether we are of mixed cultures. We just have a different, maybe added, set of challenges. ANd life would be very boring if it were too easy!!

Ooops, sorry, got carried away there. It is good to be in touch with people in the same situation - it can feel like it's a lonely old uphill struggle! but, for want of another metaphoric cliche, getting to the top is worth all the effort. However long it takes...................

And the idea to volunteer in India sounds like an amazing one but then, I am biased!

Nick-H

Two lovely personal stories . Thank you for telling them.

When I brought Mrs N to visit UK we were not yet married, I was unemployed and spending my redundancy money. In fact, if I recall correctly, I was down to the last £4,000 (I had worked for the company for 11 years, so the total, although less than a year's salary, kept me for nearly two years, six months of it in India). I still had the house, but I was sure that this paltry sum of mine would not be accepted by them as enough to prove I could support my visitor in UK. We got her visa without problem, I'm glad to say. Sold the house and returned to India just as that balance hit zero.

I'm glad to say that we never had to deal with applying for anything other than a non-settlement visa for Mrs N. On the other hand, as they seem to be treating you guys with such suspicion, just maybe it would be easier! It's a weird world.

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snooks

Vanakkam Nick

How's things in Chennai? I am having serious masala dosa withdrawals and need a good proper tamil nadu coffee. Mind you, I am not missing the heat - I am told it is unbearable!

Your message is slightly reassuring - though I am not sure i'll even have that much in my account. Certainly not having to pay so much for a settlement visa. The frustrating thing is that really, we do not want to settle in London at this stage. But we need to spend some time here and there is no way that Baskar will get a work-based visa; he does not have the ''appropriate'' education/skills for what the visa requires. But he wants to do whatever work he can find over here to contribute to living costs/saving and, naturally, send some home for his family. So marriage and settlement it is. Of course I'd marry him anyway - I always joke that I am marrying HIM for MY PIO card!!!!

It's a classic case short-term pain for long-term gain. We want to settle in India but cannot at the moment unless I sell my flat and I am not quite brave enough to do that yet (it is ALL that i have bar a few boxes of things in my dad's loft!!)- in a few years I am hoping it wil be worth even more than it is now, if the market picks up! By coming to UK, he can improve his skills and his english even more (we are fluent tamlish speakers) and understand a bit more about the country I don't want to live in(!!) and I can top up my CV which is looking a little lightweight on the official work front. And if it happens to tie in with statutory maternity leave (which i could take in India), even better!

I did actually leave a reply on another thread about an X visa - do you think I can apply for one on the basis that I am going/returning to India this July to get married in August? Or do you reckon I'll be best with another tourist visa? We are planning to come back in Jan based on my visa and Pongol but if i COULD get a longer visa, we could avoid a larger part of the British winter which is a definite bonus. I do not want to have to schlep to Nepal to sort out a new visa and don't want to spend the money on getting to Sri Lanka etc!

Mikka nandri (my lord, I am just so fluent!!!)