Staying with a family

9hanover

We have been invited to stay with the family of an Indian friend in Calcutta. We've visited India but stayed only in hotels - any tips on what we should do/not do and etiquette in general? We don't want to put our foot in it so any tips would be welcome.We would normally take gifts - is this usual? If so what would be best appreciated?(The family are middle class hindu)

Nick-H

You can probably find just about everything you need to know, from taking your shoes off outside the door to what to expect in the toilet, here on IM, with a bit of browsing and searching.

There's a godd little book called "Culture Shock: India" which you might look out for too.

more information on the family would help eg a strict brahmin family might be "harder" to live with.

Always remember, though, that they know you are foreigners, and will not expect you to behave as if you grew up with their customs!

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Soujanya

Well said Nick! And this is SO strange when people[oh well, expats] ask if taking gifts to India is usual? I mean does that make sense? Taking gifts is but natural to whichever country you go for friends,family etc., Grow up people!

greenchutney

yo!..every culture is different. i am inviting them to spend time with me, a cultural exchange, open a window to my living, not looking for potential gift.

no..my guest could be poor, my guest could have backpacked all around the country with a small bag or my guest could have been mugged right outside my building......no.i dont expect a gift!..and i wont treat them any differently....

9hanover..gifts are appreciated definetly but not expected. just be yourself. there are no expectations from visitors really!..though expect to be asked a bunch of questions..some of it might be very personal in your opinion but here everything goes..some people might be polished when they ask but some others are blunt. lot of the times, the tone and context is lost in translation [even if its different forms of english]. be prepared for questions about how much salary you make

you could send a gift later as well like after you are back home. if you feel odd going empty handed initially, you could stop by the market and get some fruits or flowers. thats a protocol a lot of people follow and especially when youngsters go to see elders or relatives seeing each other..they buy a kilo of apples, oranges, grapes or a dozen bananas when they visit others formally that is if they are not too expensive.

Digital Drifter

While it is not expected that you would be aware of the customs, it's not a good idea to go empty handed. There are a lot of proverbs which are close descriptions to P.G Wodehouse characters dropping in unannounced at Blandings Castle.

Like GC said, fruits are a good idea. or sweets from a well recognised sweet shop. small toys for the kids, if you know they have some. One or the other is good idea.

Nothing expensive but that which shows that you have thought about the whole thing and care.

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MeCasa

What about food, I don't mean for an initial offering, I mean surely you would want to pay for food consumed during your visit as to not be a hardship. Even in the states I like to pay for all food and drinks while staying with friends

It's only fair and it makes me feel good

greenchutney

dont even offer that for home cooked food. that would be considered an insult..to put it harshly..even the mere suggestion of it. . there are other ways around it like buying maybe some veggies in the market before that for say the key dish..but i doubt even this would work.... it depends on the host families and the generational ladder to be honest, but 90% of the time, this is the case......its different with friends..i suppose.

maybe you can take them out for one of the evenings....

now ofcourse all this changes..if you decide not to leave at all... and the guest gets too comfortable..say after a week?

Merchant

Just relax, be yourself, be a gracious guest, follow your instincts. You are not likely to cause offense unintentionally. Indian people aren't so fragile.

Nick-H

Well, yes but.........

I would say that gifts are received differently in india, especially gifts from abroad. Perhaps they are received with more appreciation, more joy, even! The item your uk neighbours would throw away as soon as your back is turned will be displayed lovingly in a glass cabinet.

I asked an Indian shop assistant in London once, what should I take to a little girl in india: she replied, anything. She'll love it just because it came from London.

Yes, take gifts --- but it could be something as simple as sweets, or as GC says, even get some fruit on the way.

thirdreel

I think it's impossible to generalize, especially with families in the cities. Most families in the cities will be Westernized/gentrified in some way, but it's hard to tell what way, and it won't necessarily make them easier to stay with. They'll have quirks and ways their household runs, and you will get in the way of those at some point. So do your best to be gracious, but also don't fret about it. It's not that you won't have any conflicts of etiquette, but that there's no conflict you can prepare to avoid without knowing the specific family.

edwardseco

Some small but important things will be in the Culture Shock book. Take your shoes off when entering the house. Be sensitive about entering the kitchen (they may not care but). If they have indoor plumbing don't plug it up with toilet paper. My late father in lw's advice, never ever refuse food..

adiyar

i would suggest gifts. cash is a definite no no. like nick mentioned anything "foreign" wud be doubly appreciated.

ladyvetphd

HI there,

It's but natural to take something, however do not fret about it.
In South India it is quite common to take flowers for the women, and fruits along with coconuts etc, in north India as well pretty much everywhere a packet of sweets(mithais) or chocolates will work fine. Most Indians enjoy having people over so just relax and enjoy, if you wish you can always find out about their interests and get them a suitable gift later on just as you would for your friends