Just friends (really)...

I'm travelling alone for almost 6 months, and have been here for a week so far. I'm studying Hindi so the idea is to talk to local people, but most of the people I meet are men (mainly because they're the ones working in hotels, restaurants, shops, etc). So far I've been having conversations with these guys, thinking we were becoming friends, and they start talking about "taking me out to the dunes if I feel the connection" and stuff like that.
I know all guys are not like this, but I'm always appropriately dressed, I'm watching my body language, etc etc and I keep getting the same result anyway.

Any tips on how I can avoid these situations? If possible I'd rather not resort to only talking to fellow female backpackers

This is unfortunate, but it looks as if you'll have to restrict your talk with men to only that which is necessary at that point of time. Do not try to engage them in a conversation or try to be friendly. Keep your distance. A single lady foreigner trying to have a conservation and make friends with Indian men may be seen as an "invitation" by the latter, most of whom have perverted one-track minds.

You may practise your Hindi with the local ladies, as and when you get the opportunity.

I remember seeing someone else recommend this modus operandi...

In India guy-girl freindship may not be so easily acceptable as brother-sister or the by default boyfreind-girlfreind image.!

Talk a lot about an imaginary husband/boyfreind in a totally lost in love/missing him madly style. That will kind of let them know that you are not "available".

Second use the word "bhai" or better "Bhayya" all the time and say that person reminds you of your (imaginery ???) brother a lot. I know a lot of indian girls who escape this way. If you establish a brotherly link then there are some guys who would even go out of the way to be protective about you!!!

Guys, please let me know if I am being too theoretical/melo dramic here. But to the extent I am exposed this should work.

Yes yes ,
u can go one more step further, saying i love indian traditions and customs and buy a 'Rakhee ' and tie it on his hand. Then it is his duty to protect her since she became his Rakhee brother.

see ya
all the best
usha

Well.... there are other ways around this problem..
The first and foremost is tell anyone whom u talk to the same thing u hv written here like .. u can start with saying.. "i don't know why but everybody whom I talk to thinks that I am available" That way you'll make that guy conscious of not asking you like that.
I wouldn't suggest the "rakhi" or "bhaiyaa" thing because it sounds cheap and things can take an ugly turn if the guy feel offended. I've seen ppl become very sarcastic to u after u call them this "bhaiyaa" once.

Anyways, let's hope that u meet the right ppl with the right attitude.

That's a bit strong? It's hardly unnatural.

People get excited over confused signals often enough in the same culture .

(Or perhaps that only happens to me? )

It's not just you, Nick

These are good ideas, thanks everyone - glad it wasn't taken the wrong way
I'd been going without my rings for the last few weeks but have now switched one across to the "wedding finger" so hopefully that will help. I'm not really keen on lying about a husband or boyfriend but if it helps avoid these awkward conversations it could be worth a try.

wear a wedding/engagement ring to back up your story of being spoken for

I may get a lot of flak for this post because it may come across as vaguely sexist but as they say when in Rome do as the Romans do....

You didn't mention if you wanted to meet Indian women but as a woman traveler it is much easier to be taken seriously if you have family connections and by that I mean friends in different cities who look after you. AS an independent woman traveler you may cringe at the idea. I certainly did! I'm an american, after all, and while I don't like to admit to my nationality and my stupid president, there is a certain indepence and rebelliousness to me that is very american. Tell me I can't do something because I'm a girl- POOH..

IN Kashmir I was appalled and disgusted that my houseboat father went everywhere with me and wouldn't let me out of his sight until I realized that I was being taken more seriously because I had him with me (also I was safer because this was Kashmir pre 9/11). Don't get me wrong though I definitely tried to lose him in alley ways and the like but the bugger was always right behind me. Now I'm grateful- before I was miffed. My first couple of trips to India I found myself in the same situation as you in regards to mixed signals with men and I was horribly frustrated by the fact that Indian women wouldn't talk to me and most Indian men looked at me as a walking sex object. Then I started assessing my behavior and saw that while I was dressing conservatively and acting what I was thought was humble- I was still being quite forward in the traditional Indian sense. Locking eyes with men you don't know in most situations is considered forward and once I realized this I stopped. However this was followed by a severe depression when I realized that I was seeing India out of the corner of my eyes and with my downcast eyes I was missing a lot of the sites but I was becoming very familiar with the myriad of rubbage that littered the roads of N. India. I also lamented the passing of my good posture- soon my assertive american stide was replaced by a more humble meeker almost slouch and as I began to wear saris- a slower walk. All of these changes sickened me and I thought maybe I would never get this country but then I I felt I made a break thru on my last trip when I found that Indian women actually would talk to me if I talked to them. I began realizing what I should have realized at the Kumbh Mela when I was talking to the juna akhara sadhus and I should have been talking to the women sadhivis in the next camp. Men and women's India is still very different in many parts of the country. In the big cities not so much but traditions still inform the progressive families in the big cities. I can understand this because my fmaily left Italy in the 1920's and women's honor is still talked about in my family. My cousins still threatened guys who were mean to me in high school- but I have digressed... I found that the women shopkeepers- the women at the art musuems, in the bookstores and especially the women with small children in buses and trains that I sat with and talked to, were so neat. They wanted to know me and I wanted to know them. I took them up on the offers to go home and share dinner with them or even to sightsee with them and by doing that I met whole families with lots of interesting individuals. I also found that showing pictures of your family at home and being interested in thier families allowed me access to the inidviduals I so desperately wanted to know. I guess that I just realized that as a woman the India that I would be able to see easiest was woman's India. The private home life and secret family life that is the traditional woman's domain. The men's India that I tried to break into was showed to me best by the women and the the men I met throught them. Of course this wasn't alway the case. In the bigger cities I met a lot of artists and young college guys who showed me around and like anywhere that just involved setting boundaries early on. Hope this helps a liitle.

Oh, Im sorry to say this. But Yes they Are!
If a man finds a woman atractive there will allways be a sexuall issue.

You might be able to get past it but theres allot of wimmen who look amazing and think that they have like 15 really good male friends.

I will say that 99% of this friends would be in to it if the girl made a pass at them and they found her beautyfull/atractive etc.

I do expect to get some ranting on this, but its the truth damn it.
All Male are Easy to figure belive me.

Sure I have some female friends but we Got past it, (the big issue). And still if they tryed to persuade me off to "the dunes" I might come allong (IF im single that is, would never cheat (I Hope!). Thats Alles.

Guerik, If studying Hindi is a priority for you, you surely do need to meet more women... It is not just that men who are friendly to women have one thing towards the front of their minds, but even if you could find men who were more brotherly and less friendly, they would not be the best people to study Hindi from. As you must know, men's and women's grammar and pronounciation are quite different. So, I can definately see your problem about needing to meet women....

What to do...? I have put some thought into this too, because I want to learn a little Malayalam. For that reason, I will not be travelling so much for that portion of my trip. I'm not sure what pace you are travelling at, but a slower pace that allows you to meet families would be good. Going to places other than the usual tourist places -- hotels, restaurants, shops, etc. Could you visit elementary schools (at the end of the school day perhaps?) to meet school teachers? Or maybe vegetable markets in the early morning? Is it within your budget to hire a tour guide? I haven't tried it, but perhaps placing inquiries with the hotel or shopkeepers for a female tour guide would yield some results. I guess you might want to specify that she is not accompanied by anyone. Or perhaps a sign at a local university with your email? Are you in the market for anything usually done by a woman -- for example, custom fitted sari blouses or alterations to salvaar pants? Beauty treatments? Treat yourself to a face threading (maybe too quick, but an oppotunity to start a conversation anyway) or a hair conditioning treatment (longer service)... I can't think of other services which are usually done by women, but there must be more.

Namaste everyone,
I was not here for a long time.
This topic esp. Rossinm's post, made me curious even more about one my Indian male friend. I briefly knew him in person, and then I have a correspondence with him for last 1,5 year though with breaks. And now when I'll come back to India, he invites me to visit his parents' house in Haryana and says that he wants to be one of my best friends. But before he wrote about love also, but it could be gone by now.
So, does friendship between man and woman without romantic context actually exist in India?
And from the point of view of Indian parents, if their unmarried son invite a foreign friend who is a single girl, how does it look like?
I still don't understand India that well. So I would be interested to hear opinions of people with better understanding, esp. Indian men.

We are trying hard to understand
ush

Hey, hope things are going better for you, Guerik. Maybe you can volunteer somewhere (like in Dharamsala maybe teaching English or something) or do a course (Hindi in Mussoorie or some interest type course) just to stay a while in one place and get to know a place and people. Travelling around as a single young woman you can't be too familiar with men, though I hate to say it.

Samsara: I was really hoping to do that but finding a volunteer placement in a Hindi-speaking area (other than Bihar, which I'm not really keen on) seems to be pretty difficult, I'm thinking about going to the NGOs in person once I'm available and seeing how my luck is. Any ideas would be great though, I've contacted a lot of the organisations already listed in the various threads without any luck

I've had some mehendi done in Jaisalmer and that worked a treat but there's only so much mehendi one person can wear, and only so many beauty treatments I can afford on a backpacking budget