Joke for the day!! (part deux)

ebby

A couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning.

His friend remarked that he had gone to the same dentist a few years before. "Is that so?" the first said. "Did he do a good job?"

"Well, I was on the course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot," he said. "The ball most have been going 200 mph when it hit me in the stomach. That," he added, "was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt."

brishti

"OLD " IS WHEN
Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer,
"Pick one; I can't do both!"


"OLD " IS WHEN
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.


"OLD " IS WHEN
You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.


"OLD " IS WHEN
"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.


"OLD " IS WHEN
"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.


"OLD " IS WHEN
An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom.



:brishti

ebby

Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .

Local Sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more…


............ ......... ......... ......... .......

Nick-H

Goodness, Brishti... I'm really very old.

And have been for years!

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Just one member of the IndiaMike Mod Team

raj_s

Monica Lewinsky was walking in the countryside when she spotted an old lamp in the undergrowth.
It was covered with mud but as she began to rub the dirt off, a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.
"I am the genie of the lamp" it pronouned , " and I grant you three one wish" .
Monica thought for a few moments. She was famous and wealthy so what she could ask or?Then an idea came to her.
"Could you make these love handles of mine disappear?" she said.
"Of course", replies the genie. And swoosh! Her ears fell off.

machadinha

I personally didn't mind the jokes not involving sexual innuendos at every other turn we've been kindly treated to in the recent past, ever since the last pubescent prankster left.

But then never mind this cranky old git.

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Reading tips, all picked up at IndiaMike : INDAX's A Comprehensive Guide To India / Dinoj Surendran's Desi Humor / ITHVC on Culture Shock & Travel Health / JetLag Travel Guides For the Undiscerning Traveller / India Travel Links

Khak

like a lot........ very well expressed w/o any vulgar word

__________________
~Khak~

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover

ebby

---A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled.
The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot.
'No way! No needles! I hate needles,' the patient said.
The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects.
'I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!'
The Dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'
The Dentist then returns and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.'
The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'
'It doesn't', said the Dentist, 'but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth.'

theyyamdancer

There are 3 old men sitting on a bench. One goes "I'll be happy if I have it twice a year, on Christmas and on my birthday".

"Aah", says the second old man, "I may have it once a year, if I'm lucky, on my Name Day".

"What's that?" asks the third. "I have it every day, every day, every day."

"Shh" say the other two to him, "We are talking about sex not crapping..."

ebby

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.


Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."


So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read:

"TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER — $50.00."

ebby

A famous heart specialist doctor died and all doctors were gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.

When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"

"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"

"I'm a gynecologist."

rushie82

Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk, another's a smoker and the third's a gay guy.
The doctor tells each of them that, if they induldge in their bad habit one more time, they will die.
Outside they pass a bar. The drunk says, "I don't care if I die, I need a drink." The drunk goes into the bar takes a drink and, sure enough, he drops dead.
Meanwhile the smoker and the gay guy are walking along. Then the smoker spots a lit cigarette on the sidewalk.
The gay guy looks over and says, "If you bend down to pick that up, we're both dead."



A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her,
draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her
supervisor to file a sexual harassment complaint. She tells the supervisor
what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit
against him.

The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice"?

The woman replies, "It is sexual harassment when Keith, the dwarf says so."



Ingliss.....
MONDAY: For sale: Billoo Pehalwan has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 25550707 after 7 PM and ask for Shabbo who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred In Billoo Pehalwan's ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 2555-0707 and ask for Shabbo, who lives with him after 7 PM."

WEDNESDAY: Notice: Billoo Pehalwan has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale: Billoo Pehalwan has A sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 25550707 after 7 PM and ask for Shabbo who lives with him."

THURSDAY Notice: I, Billoo Pehalwan, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 25550707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Shabbo. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!



Dedicated to all boozers! ...ultimate...

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job...

He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.

He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don' t have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".

He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says "Stand aside my dear friend, I know you were not involved".

Nordic J

A blonde gets a job as a teacher.

She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
- You ok ? she says.
- Yes, he says.
- You can go and play with the other kids you know.
- It's best I stay here.
- Why ?



-

-

-

-

-

The boy says: 'Because, I'm the F**king goalie'

ebby

... AND THEN THE FIGHTING STARTED...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...

And then the fight started....

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go h ome and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...

puchoo

hee hee...!!

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Sidharth

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