Joke for the day!! (part deux)

ebby

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes.

He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine.

At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.


They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.

After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?"


She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.



His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."

"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again

capt_mahajan

Old one, forgive me


Three men want to become agents for the FBI. After a day of intensive interviews, they are told there is one more test to prove their dedication to the FBI. The head FBI agent takes the first guy into a private room. He hands him a gun and says, "Go into that room and kill your wife." The guy says, "No way," and leaves FBI headquarters.

The second guy goes through the same proceedings. He walks into the second room, but on seeing his wife decides that she is worth more than a good job, and he, too, refuses.

Finally the third guy is given the gun and told to kill his wife. He walks into the second room and six shots are heard. A few seconds later, the head FBI agent hears crashing and banging from the room. After a few minutes, the guy comes out of the room. "What happened?" asks the FBI agent.

"Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks... I had to kill her with the chair."

shashank.aggarwal

That was a good one ebby..

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Radjesh

Nice one, captain...

capt_mahajan

Another one about a couple who go to a therapist after problems, who asks them both to tell their side of the story.

HER SIDE OF THE STORY
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn`t say anything much about it.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn`t really sure.

So anyway, in the cab on the way back to His house, I said that I love him and he just put his arm around me. I didn`t know what the hell that meant because you know he doesn`t say it back or anything. We finally got back to His place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex.

But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don`t know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he`s met someone else??

HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
My team lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though.

ebby

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator," he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

psy_ko

Toilet Signs

Moderator Note:
Thanks, but please don't post external links to large images,
it is a pain for those on slow connections.

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ebby

The Leave Applications


· Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."

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· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

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· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."

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· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave.."

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· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"

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· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."

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· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

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· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."

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· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

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· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."

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· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

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· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

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· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post

Dilliwala

Along the same lines - true story:

A Haryana govt employee went on annual leave to his village. A day before it ended, his mother died. So he sent a telegram to his boss requesting an extension of leave. It read like this -
"Mother dead
Go Ganga
Cut head
Eat Brahmins
Extend leave for five days."

ebby

Distinction between "Guts " and "Balls"

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death!



~~~~~~~~

Radjesh

Three men applied for the job of a detective: Santa from India, Marc Grayberg, a Jew; and Tom Silanti, an Italian.

The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon the answer. When Grayberg arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, 'Who killed Jesus Christ?' He answered without hesitation, 'The Romans killed him.' The chief thanked him and he left.

When Silanti arrived for his interview, the chief asked him the same question. He replied, 'Jesus was killed by the Jews.' The chief thanked him also and he left.

Finally, Santa arrived for his interview and was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, 'Could I have some time to think about it?' The chief said, 'Ok, but get back to me tomorrow.'

When Santa arrived home, his wife asked, 'How did the interview go?' Pat came the reply, 'Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!'

shashank.aggarwal

Good one Radjesh !!

ebby

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of panties.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

"They're Carol's."

puchoo

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sssall

On the same theme...

Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, but a mixup in the afterlife paperwork sends them to the wrong places: the Pope goes to hell and Bill goes to heaven.

After a couple of days they fix this problem and the Pope gets on the escalator to go to heaven and Bill gets on the other to go to hell. The two pass each other on the way and Bill asks, "How bad was it down there?" The Pope says, "Not that bad, kind of hot and noisy, but I am glad to be going up to heaven now. There's one thing up there I have been looking forward to". Bill asks, "What is that?" The Pope replies, "I want to meet the Virgin Mary". Bill, shakes his head sheepishly and whispers to the Pope, "Too late."