Joke for the day!! (part deux)

larki55

Ok, that was something you should do while eating dinner Let me clean my screen. Ok I see now
larki55

larki55

Sorry forgot the NOT during dinner

PeakXV

What do you call a Sikh who, after 20 Whiskies, can walk a straight line? Bhalla Singh

What do you call a Sikh know-it-all? Binder Dundat

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We shall not cease from exploration and at the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started ...and know the place for the first time.
T.S. Eliot

Don't go to India ~ Pre-trip Warnings & Misconceptions?

robotvoice

Guy walks into a bar carrying a stuffed giraffe. He orders a drink and puts the giraffe on the next stool. He drinks up, and as he pays, he knocks the giraffe onto the floor. The Bartender says, "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there." And the guy says, "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe."

inca

George Bush had a heart attack and died. Obviously,he went to hell where the devil was waiting for him.

"I'm not sure what to do," said the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, so I'm going to have to let someone else go. I've got three folks herewho weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to
take their place.I'll even let you decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good
swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. "No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day." commented George.

The devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head,and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this.

" The devil smiled and said, "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"

larki55

thanks
Larki55

inca

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: " Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"
And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him:
"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the person say nervously...
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions. "

TREKorDIE

__________________
TREKorDIE:
" BECAUSE IT IS THERE ! ! ! "

katyrafi

Some oldies but goodies:

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You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

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At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

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A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Husband Wanted".

Next day she received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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Young son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of India a man doesn't

know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

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Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was

until I got married, and by then, it was too late."

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

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First guy: "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.

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A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.

A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber on the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

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Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly

PRIYA

I will seek and find you

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you .

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished
with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,







The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot.

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Happiness is for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. (Anon.)

somnath

Flu !!!! How unromantic

PRIYA

Maybe this should've gone under "Riddle for the Day??

katyrafi

Love

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have ...

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end - sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." "When can I go home?"

Mr.Hunaman

".....a man fell into a large vat of Muesli and drowned. He was pulled under by a strong current.."

'bye....I'm off to catch my flight to Delhi.
Dave x

larki55

It is nice to start my day with a laugh.
larki55