Joke for the day!! (part deux)

Khak · Mar 7th, 2008, 15:33

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!!!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. .... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
*********

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
*********

Floor 6 -
"You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!!!! "

chAos · Mar 7th, 2008, 21:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khak

Floor 6 -
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

amyl · Mar 11th, 2008, 01:22

I think this has made a round here.....I think. Anyways....

Some funny real(?) telegrams.

Quote:

TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which
the father receives as:
"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
****************************** ****************************** *********
TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a
telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife:
"I wish you were her."
****************************** ****************************** *********

TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to
her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the
last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue,she
offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which
reached as:
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old
lady."

****************************** ****************************** ********

TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.
So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says:
Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman
asks, "How do you want me to put it?"
The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are
getting better" at the bottom.
The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party
watched the message decorated on the cake:
"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the
bottom".
****************************** ****************************** *********
TELEGRAM #5

A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in
Delhi.
When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his
wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.
He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.
It was written: 'Sethji aaj mar gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye).
****************************** ****************************** *******

rick22 · Mar 13th, 2008, 17:02

How do you confuse a blonde girl?

Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner!

saajan_20 · Mar 14th, 2008, 02:19

Doctor to a woman in O T during her labor pains
MADAME WOULD YOU LIKE THE FATHER OF THE BABY TO BE PRESENT DURING DELEVIERY ?
lady >>>> NO DOCTOR MY HUSBAND WOULD NT LIKE THAT

amyl · Mar 14th, 2008, 19:15

Whew!

source: unknown

rick22 · Mar 15th, 2008, 16:00

Quote:

Doctor to a woman in O T during her labor pains
MADAME WOULD YOU LIKE THE FATHER OF THE BABY TO BE PRESENT DURING DELEVIERY ?
lady >>>> NO DOCTOR MY HUSBAND WOULD NT LIKE THAT

hahhaha ... that was really funny ..... :P

Shiver me Timbers · Apr 25th, 2008, 05:24

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, 'What are you doing?

She answers, 'I'm moving to London ... I heard
prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free.'

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the
bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies,
'I'm coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year'.

Shiver me Timbers · Apr 25th, 2008, 05:25

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she
selected 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee and a 250g pack of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt
to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk
calmly stated,'You must be single.'

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she
was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed
single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, 'Well,
you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cos you're ugly.'

ebby · Apr 25th, 2008, 21:03

Don't use mobile inside Toilet

I was barely sitting down when i heard a vioce from the other stall saying : "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom But i don't know what got into me, so i answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of quesion is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so i say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling!"

At this point im just trying to get out as fast as i can when i hear i hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but i figured i could just be polite and end the conversation. i tell him, "No....... I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then i hear guy say nervously... .

Listen. i'll have to call you back. There's is an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

~~~~~~~~

ebby · Apr 26th, 2008, 12:30

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

SFtoBLR · Apr 29th, 2008, 11:12

On his 80th birthday, his wife asks what he would want, if he could have anything at all. He replies, "A 20 y/o woman!!"

A bit ticked, she replies "Fine, then when I am 80 I will get me a 20 y/o boy. And let me remind you - 20 goes into 80 and hell of a lot more than 80 goes into 20!"

ebby · Apr 30th, 2008, 13:01

When I was younger I hated going to weddings.

It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me,"You are next".

They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Nick-H · Apr 30th, 2008, 13:53

...

.

ebby · Apr 30th, 2008, 17:36

"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully",
The divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."

"That's very nice, your honour", the husband said.
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks, myself".

~~~~~~~~~

Mar 7th, 2008, 15:33	#826
Khak Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: kolkata/hyderabad/atlanta Posts: 402	Husband Store A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!!! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. .... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband... On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. ******* The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. ***** The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. " Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. ***** She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" ***** Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: ******* Floor 6 - "You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!!!! " __________________ ~Khak~ Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover

Mar 14th, 2008, 19:15	#831
amyl 21st Century Freak Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Singapura.......in Babenhausen, DE for a while Posts: 1,850	Whew! source: unknown Attached Thumbnails

Apr 25th, 2008, 05:24	#833
Shiver me Timbers Dreaming of Palm Trees Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Dublin Posts: 1,410	A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, 'What are you doing? She answers, 'I'm moving to London ... I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free.' Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, 'I'm coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year'. __________________ Europe to India Overland Andaman's Tips Pakistan Tips

Apr 30th, 2008, 13:53	#839
Nick-H Loud-mouthed, Noisy Bird Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 25,861	... . __________________ . Just one member of the IndiaMike Mod Team

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Mar 13th, 2008, 17:02	#829
rick22 Account Closed Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Austria Posts: 14	How do you confuse a blonde girl? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner!

Mar 14th, 2008, 02:19	#830
saajan_20 Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: bombay {mumbai} Posts: 315	Doctor to a woman in O T during her labor pains MADAME WOULD YOU LIKE THE FATHER OF THE BABY TO BE PRESENT DURING DELEVIERY ? lady >>>> NO DOCTOR MY HUSBAND WOULD NT LIKE THAT

Apr 25th, 2008, 05:25	#834
Shiver me Timbers Dreaming of Palm Trees Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Dublin Posts: 1,410	A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee and a 250g pack of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,'You must be single.' The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?' The drunk replied, 'Cos you're ugly.'

Apr 25th, 2008, 21:03	#835
ebby Maha Guru Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Mysore, India Posts: 709	Don't use mobile inside Toilet I was barely sitting down when i heard a vioce from the other stall saying : "Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom But i don't know what got into me, so i answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin just fine!" And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?" What kind of quesion is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so i say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling!" At this point im just trying to get out as fast as i can when i hear i hear another question. "Can I come over?" Ok, this question is just too weird for me but i figured i could just be polite and end the conversation. i tell him, "No....... I'm a little busy right now!!!" Then i hear guy say nervously... . Listen. i'll have to call you back. There's is an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!" ~~~~~~~~

Apr 26th, 2008, 12:30	#836
ebby Maha Guru Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Mysore, India Posts: 709	A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Apr 29th, 2008, 11:12	#837
SFtoBLR Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 47	On his 80th birthday, his wife asks what he would want, if he could have anything at all. He replies, "A 20 y/o woman!!" A bit ticked, she replies "Fine, then when I am 80 I will get me a 20 y/o boy. And let me remind you - 20 goes into 80 and hell of a lot more than 80 goes into 20!"

Apr 30th, 2008, 13:01	#838
ebby Maha Guru Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Mysore, India Posts: 709	When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me,"You are next". They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Apr 30th, 2008, 17:36	#840
ebby Maha Guru Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Mysore, India Posts: 709	"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully", The divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week." "That's very nice, your honour", the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks, myself". ~~~~~~~~~

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