Joke for the day!! (part deux)

Prashant.M

I will try to translate but Hindi is not my forte and something will be lost in translation.

SANTA talking on cell.
BANTA: Who are you speaking with?
SANTA: wife...
BANTA: with... so much love....?
SANTA: It's your wife.

__________________
Happiness is just a thought away

praks

This Year's First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He Shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Shiver me Timbers

Sorry if this has been posted before....

Religions of the World

Taoism: Shit Happens
Hare Krishna: Shit Happens Rama Rama Ding Ding
Hinduism: This Shit Happened Before
Islam: If Shit Happens, Take A Hostage
Zen: What Is The Sound of Shit Happening?
Buddhism: When Shit Happens, Is It Really Shit?
Confucianism: Confucius Say, "Shit Happens"
7th Day Activist: Shit Happens On Saturdays
Protestanism: Shit Won't Happen If I Work Harder
Catholicism: If Shit Happens, I Deserve It
Jehovah's Witness: Knock, Knock, "Shit Happens"
Unitarian: What Is This Shit?
Mormon: Shit Happens Again & Again & Again
Judaism: Why Does This Shit Always Happen To Me?
Rastafarianism: Let's Smoke This Shit

Happy Christmas To All IM'ers!!!

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capt_mahajan

great one, conor.

machadinha

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Kingstonian

(Can't see that this has been posted before - apologies if it has)

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

17 Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved it's full potential, that word would be "meetings."

27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment

35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.

36. Your friends love you anyway.

Nick-H

That's 36 jokes.

One at a time would have been more palatable

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Just one member of the IndiaMike Mod Team

Kingstonian

! Sorry Nick!

machadinha

No sorries whatsoever; imagine 36 joke posts in a row

Prashant.M

Nick would then have merged them into one post .

brownboy66

now THAT's funny....

Prashant.M

Thanks BB .

maypacheco

To all the remarkable women as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys on this site.. (i'm sure there are a lot of them...) !!!!!!!!!!



Men are like...

1. Men are like .Laxatives ....... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather .. Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are lik e ... Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ... Chocolate Bars . Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .. Commercials ?....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like .....Government Bonds ?.... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ....Mascara .. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like .......Lava Lamps .. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

praks

An Army colonel was reviewing his troops. One man he passed
sported an enormous erection.
"Sergeant!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days
compassionate home leave."
"Yes, sir," the sergeant replied.
A few months later, the same thing occurred with the same
man.
"Sergeant! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home
leave," the colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem.
The colonel grew angry. "Sergeant! Haven't we given this
man two compassionate home leaves?"
"Yes, sir," the sergeant replied.
"Then what's his problem?" the colonel asks.
The sergeant saluted and said, "Sir. It's you he's
fond of."

desertrose

Dog and Mosquito were in love.
one day Mosquito kissed the dog.
The Dog got emotional and gave a love bite.
The next day dog died of Dengue and the Mosquito died of Rabbies.
Tragic love story.