Joke for the day!! (part deux)

amyl · Sep 25th, 2007, 18:53

Quote:

They got me seven times on Friday and five times on Saturday.

Good that you are keeping a count of how many times you try to get them (her).

That scam really sounds like a Hindi movie scene. Censor may not allow nude females but may be Mallaika Sherawat would just fit in that scene...being in her normal outfit.

Prashant.M · Sep 27th, 2007, 18:19

Ok that's it, decision made. I'm moving to Hyderabad. BTW Cap'n which area?

Here's a joke:
As Ben Franklin said, "In wine there is wisdom; in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria".

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop (SHIT!!).

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service.

Viva la Beer, Whisky, Rum hic...

amyl · Oct 3rd, 2007, 07:37

A factual forward

Quote:

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
- George W. Bush

"If we don't succeed , we run the risk of failure."
- George W. Bush

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that
one word is 'to be prepared'."
George W. Bush

"I have made good judgments in the past . I have made good judgments in
the future ."
- George W.Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow ."
- George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world ."
- George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
- George W. Bush

"We have a firm commitment to NATO , we are a part of NATO. We have a
firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe ."
- George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy."
- George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the
polls."
- George W. Bush

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- George W. Bush

" For NASA, Space is still a high priority ."
- George W. Bush

"Quite frankly, Teachers are the only profession that teach our
children."
- George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing It."
- George W. Bush

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system ."
- George W. Bush

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing It.

The title of this forward is "Reasons why Americans don't have to learn English to remain citizen....."

amyl · Oct 16th, 2007, 15:38

Before marriage...

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling !

After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top

amyl · Oct 26th, 2007, 22:35

SERIOUS DISCLAIMER: None of the comments in this copy-pasted mail forward are mine! Specially those associating 'stupid' and 'american'. Thank You!

Forget nationality and enjoy the absurdity in our society.

Quote:

Eek – People are nuts – but read on!!!

Subject: The Stella Awards

Proof of entitlement mentality

It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old
Stella Liebeck who
spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued
the McDonald's in New
Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You
remember, she took the lid off
the coffee and put it between her knees while she
was driving. Who would
ever think one could get burned doing that, right?

That's right; these are awards for the most
outlandish lawsuits and
verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases
that make you scratch your
head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stella's for the past year:

7TH PLACE:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded
$80,000 by a jury of
her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a
toddler who was running
inside a furniture store. The store owners were
understandably surprised by
the verdict, considering the running toddler was
her own son.

6TH PLACE:
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won
$74,000 plus medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a
Honda Accord. Truman
apparently didn't notice there was someone at the
wheel of the car when he
was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.

5TH PLACE:
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania , who
was leaving a house
he had just burglarized by way of the garage.
Unfortunately for Dickson, the
automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he
could not get the garage
door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house
because the door
connecting the garage to the house locked when
Dickson pulled it shut.
Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on
a case of Pepsi and a
large b ag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's
insurance company
claiming undue mental Anguish.

Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must
pay Dickson
$500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this
kind of anguish.
Keep scratching. There are more...

4TH PLACE:
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock , Arkansas ,
garnered 4th Place in
the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus
medical expenses after being
bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's
beagle - even though the
beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard
Williams did not get as
much as he asked for because the jury believed the
beagle might have been
provoked at the time of the butt bite because
Williams had climbed over the
fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog
with a pellet gun.

Grrrrr ... Scratch, scratch.

3RD PLACE:
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a
jury ordered a
Philadelphia restaurant to pay he r $113,500 after
she slipped on a spilled
soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the
soft drink was on the
floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30
seconds earlier during
an argument. What ever happened to people being
responsible for their own
actions?

Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are
only two more
Stella¢s to go..

2ND PLACE:
Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner
of a night club in
a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom
window to the floor,
knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms.
Walton was trying to sneak
through the ladies room window to avoid paying the
$3.50 cover charge, the
jury said the night club had to pay her
$12,000....oh, yeah,
plus dental expenses. Go figure.

1ST PLACE: (May I have a fanfare played on 50
kazoos please)
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner
was Mrs. Merv
Grazinski, of Oklahoma Cit y, Oklahoma, who
purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago
motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU
football game, having driven
on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70
mph and calmly left the
driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to
make herself a sandwich.
Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway,
crashed and overturned.
Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued
Winnebago for not putting in the
owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the
driver's seat while the
cruise control was set The Oklahoma jury awarded
her, are you sitting down,
$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago
actually changed their manuals
as a result of this suit, just incase Mrs.
Grazinski has any relatives who
might also buy a motor home.

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid...?

Prashant.M · Oct 27th, 2007, 01:22

Just in case somebody thinks above lawsuits are true:

http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp

machadinha · Nov 3rd, 2007, 06:50

Star Wars Episode 3 Goes Leet (video)

robotvoice · Nov 3rd, 2007, 10:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prashant.M

Just in case somebody thinks above lawsuits are true:

http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp

for the real stella awards simply go to stellaawards.com

amyl · Nov 3rd, 2007, 12:55

Quote:

Just in case somebody thinks above lawsuits are true:

snopes.com itself is a fake site. It is quite infamous to refute many cases. Read here.

amyl · Nov 5th, 2007, 20:39

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power? Do you know what it is? Are you being taught about it in school?"

"OK". She said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

She Replied "Do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know even 'shit'?"

machadinha · Nov 6th, 2007, 07:23

This has been on for a bit, American comedians take their very own view on the Dutch news: http://www.boomchicago.tv/node/1378

I'm not big on it, but it's funny and some of you Dutchophiles (or -phobics) might enjoy it.

Earthling · Nov 13th, 2007, 11:50

Have not been through the 50+ pages of this thread, so if this has been posted before, a 1000 apologies in advance.

Youtube Papa CJ

ranjan154 · Nov 13th, 2007, 13:49

Really alarming......is this trend coming up to other cities also ?????

Earthling · Nov 15th, 2007, 14:29

Youtube - Russell Peters

Another funny man. His various other clips on youtube are funny too.

PS: It's a comedy act, no offense meant by me.

amyl · Nov 23rd, 2007, 14:51

Hindi exercise for those learners...

SANTA talking on cell.
BANTA: kis se baat kar raho ho.
SANTA: biwi se.....
BANTA: itne... pyar se....?
SANTA: tumhari hai.

Sep 27th, 2007, 18:19	#797
Prashant.M Maha Guru Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Bangalore Posts: 882	Ok that's it, decision made. I'm moving to Hyderabad. BTW Cap'n which area? Here's a joke: As Ben Franklin said, "In wine there is wisdom; in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria". In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop (SHIT!!). However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service. Viva la Beer, Whisky, Rum hic... __________________ Happiness is just a thought away

Nov 3rd, 2007, 06:50	#802
machadinha Not Your Guru Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: yörp Posts: 10,571	Star Wars Episode 3 Goes Leet (video) __________________ Reading tips, all picked up at IndiaMike : INDAX's A Comprehensive Guide To India / Dinoj Surendran's Desi Humor / ITHVC on Culture Shock & Travel Health / JetLag Travel Guides For the Undiscerning Traveller / India Travel Links

Nov 13th, 2007, 11:50	#807
Earthling Noob Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Gaia Posts: 94	Have not been through the 50+ pages of this thread, so if this has been posted before, a 1000 apologies in advance. Youtube Papa CJ __________________ I don't know with what weapons WW3 will be fought. But WW4 will be fought with sticks and stones. -Albert Einstein

Nov 13th, 2007, 13:49	#808
ranjan154 Amateur Photographer Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Greater Noida (India) Posts: 848	Really alarming......is this trend coming up to other cities also ????? __________________ Rakesh Ranjan -------------- http://www.flickr.com/photos/travinfoindia/

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Oct 16th, 2007, 15:38	#799
amyl 21st Century Freak Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Singapura.......in Babenhausen, DE for a while Posts: 1,850	Before marriage... He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: NO! Don't even think about it. She: Do you love me? He: Of course! Over and over! She: Have you ever cheated on me? He: NO! Why are you even asking? She: Will you kiss me? He: Every chance I get! She: Will you hit me? He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person! She: Can I trust you? He: Yes. She: Darling ! After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top

Oct 27th, 2007, 01:22	#801
Prashant.M Maha Guru Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Bangalore Posts: 882	Just in case somebody thinks above lawsuits are true: http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp

Nov 5th, 2007, 20:39	#805
amyl 21st Century Freak Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Singapura.......in Babenhausen, DE for a while Posts: 1,850	A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power? Do you know what it is? Are you being taught about it in school?" "OK". She said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." She Replied "Do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know even 'shit'?"

Nov 6th, 2007, 07:23	#806
machadinha Not Your Guru Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: yörp Posts: 10,571	This has been on for a bit, American comedians take their very own view on the Dutch news: http://www.boomchicago.tv/node/1378 I'm not big on it, but it's funny and some of you Dutchophiles (or -phobics) might enjoy it.

Nov 15th, 2007, 14:29	#809
Earthling Noob Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Gaia Posts: 94	Youtube - Russell Peters Another funny man. His various other clips on youtube are funny too. PS: It's a comedy act, no offense meant by me.

Nov 23rd, 2007, 14:51	#810
amyl 21st Century Freak Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Singapura.......in Babenhausen, DE for a while Posts: 1,850	Hindi exercise for those learners... SANTA talking on cell. BANTA: kis se baat kar raho ho. SANTA: biwi se..... BANTA: itne... pyar se....? SANTA: tumhari hai.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
The Birthday Thread (part deux)	iwanttogoback	Chai and Chat	1313	Yesterday 20:00
the generic count-down thread (part deux)	Rika	Chai and Chat	50	Nov 30th, 2006 14:10
Joke for the day!!	cyberhippie	Chai and Chat	840	Oct 12th, 2005 17:28
death of the joke	sadhuji	India Travel News and Commentary	0	May 26th, 2005 13:32

User Name		Remember Me?
Password