Indian Wedding (well half at least)

04274108

Hi all,

A mate (white/non-practicing Christian) that I work with will be marrying a beautiful Indian gal (non-practicing Hindu) in the next couple of weeks. Her grandparents are flying in from the old country and may be shocked at what the bride and groom have planned (a lot of rock music, drinking, women in somewhat revealing clothes).

I wanted to know if there is anything traditional I can say or do that would be expected/appreciated by them to make them feel more comfortable and possibly retain the traditions of a traditional Hindu wedding?

Is there anything I can say or do for her parents as well?

Thanks.

mirjamd

One suggestion would be to touch their feet. I don't know whether you are familiar with the gesture, but for them it would be a great sign of respect. If you are not familiar with it, ask somebody to show you how to do it....

04274108

Thanks mirjamd...I don't have anyone that can explain it but I'm sure something will pop up in google.

Nick-H

To be honest, I think that things like touching feet should be left well alone unless you know the whys, wherefores and hows, so can do it in an Indian way. It is also something that very many, even orthodox, people consider a thing of the past.

A namaste, even if you do it in a completely unindian way, shows that you're trying, and that you care enough to try. Can't go wrong!

We've got a thread somewhere about foot-touching, for anyone who wants to know more.

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Haylo

If your mate has decided against a traditional Hindu wedding, I would check your ideas out with him first.

kmalik

If they really care, they could start by toning down...

mirjamd

Feet touching is of course a bit old fashioned, but if they are grandparents they will probably be old enough to understand and appreciate it.

These days you usually don't get further than making an effort to bend down anyway, because the aunties and uncles usually pull you up straight away. You don't have to do the full namaskaram on the floor to make your point. (Even though we did it quite a few times after we just got married).

A namaste will also do the trick, if you want to avoid the complications of touching feet.

04274108

Thanks for all the responses. I guess I'll take a look and see attitude. Only the grandparents are coming from India, the rest of the bride's immediate family have been in North America a long time.

Essentially, I was looking for a way to convey my respect to the grandparents since this is the first North American wedding they have been to and it may be a bit overwhelming.

Certainly all of your suggestions are far better than my original plan of doing tequila shots with them

skk

That "attempted" feet touching, describe well by mirjamd in #7 is a neat idea - I do it when I visit India, and you'll see it on ZeeTV, Sahara etc on the Fashion, Music, TV, Film Awards shows ! - but if they DON'T pull you up as you get even half-way, look out, there's trouble here. But they will pull you up, its all lovey-dovey usually, those glaring eyes, cue horror-music stuff, is for the movies..

I wouldn't worry - they'll just say - "crazee goras" to themselves IMO; if its late at night, they'll be in bed anyway, if its during the afternoon reception, see if they start yawning, PICK UP THE CUE, and let them know where they can take a nap and take them there, away from the hustle and bustle.

Say wise - you giving the best man speech ? Mannnn, have I got some ideas for you

-skk

edwardseco

Charan sparsh (respectful touching of the feet)would be appropriate (and appreciated) but by the groom not a mate..

karuna

I've seen the trying-to-touch-the-feet-whilst-the-person-pulls-you-up thing used as a pose for photographs at a wedding. Only between the families of the bride and groom, though.

My mum actually knows of a genuine case of the overbearing mother-in-law repeatedly demanding such a greeting from her daughter-in-law, and that's in the UK!

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kalyani68

I think the touching of feet would be going a bit overboard since you are not the groom. I stand with what's been said above, a simple anjali mudra guesture (the folded hands in front of the heart) and a "Namaste!" or slightly more formal "Namaskaram!". The bride-to-be might be willing to give you some clues as to how traditional the grandparents are.

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zoltan

At the risk of sounding pedantic, it may help to know where the grandparents are from.

If they are from Tamil Nadu, namaste (etc.) won't cut it with them. You'd need to know the Tamil greeting (vanakam).

Cheers
Zoltan

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