Indian Men, Shy or Aggressive ?????

#1 Jun 22nd, 2005, 11:58
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#1
Hey all,
For quite some time there have been this discussion about the Indian males being quite aggressive and groping kinds...!!! While that is not far from truth, but its a generalisation that we can do without.. . Anyways, I was witness to a pretty interesting incident some time back and just wanted to share and all of you can make your own opinion about it.

Me and some friends went to this pub called "ZeroGravity", some 10 days back. It was a pretty scarce crowd there at that time, with groups of people scattered around and nice retro music playing. While me and my friends were waiting there, for some more people to join us and were having a round of drinks, that the real fun began ..!!

Now, there was one group sitting right behind us, where we were standing, which was very noisy and was a mix of both foreigners and Indians. Suddenly, without any warning, a white foreigner lady stood up and walked to our group and asked my friend for dance ....!!! Now, imagine, a 20-something Indian software engineer, not exactly a nerd but still not a shake-thy-hip type, and one 45 something white female, good looking though and visibly drunk. He was shocked and couldnt even reply. So that lady asked him again "What's your name, boy ?" and he muttered his name. The next question she asked, "Are you embarrassed ?" By that time her whole group was in roars and our group, apart from that poor guy, were smirking and waiting for his replies. So after this that lady went back amidst applause and high-five's from her friends.. and we started taunting that guy .... Suddenly that lady stood up again and did a jig behind the pillar, that my friend was standing along with (Just like those hollywood movie scenes when a girl tries to seduce a guy ). Her friends by now started whistling .... .... Then she grabbed my friends hands and pulled him for dancing.. and he just panicked.. and there was a commotion.. lol.. it was so funny. We started booing him.. her friends were laughing.. and then that lady left that guy and went to another and asked him "Are you scared of me ?? " and that guy just ran away ... he he he.. can you believe it !!!

Now that guy is not exactly the kinda guy who will shun a girl. He dates girls, is a very smooth talker with a thick accent, enjoys good food and booze. But was totally stumped by that lady, who was just having a blast that night..

Have anybody of you have seen something or have tried harrassing a guy like this..
#2 Jun 22nd, 2005, 12:15
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#2
Phanton,

funny incident. but, i feel sad for ur friend. i would not want to be a harrassed / mocked by others, when i want to have a good evening myself.
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#3 Jun 22nd, 2005, 12:19
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I know what you mean.. .. We made sure that he was comfortable after that.. but its so out of normal to see a white girl chasing an Indian guy and that too for all the right intentions....
#4 Jun 22nd, 2005, 12:23
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#4
But, to answer your questions...are Indian men shy or aggressive.

I would say - Indian men can be of both types - what a man turns out to be depends on nature and nurture - remember Sigmund Freud's theories.

But, what i think, Indian mens responses towards white women can also be 2 ways - they can be shy and not interact at all. Or, they can get overly flirtatious. I have seen both happening.
#5 Jun 22nd, 2005, 12:34
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#5
Quote:
Originally Posted by phantom So that lady asked him again "What's your name, boy ?"
Assuming I could have resisted telling the 'lady' to f*** off, I might have said "My name's Gigolo, but you can call me grandson".

I think you should have took the pressure of your friend and offered to dance with the woman, done in a joking way it wouldn't have ruined the atmosphere and the woman would have then left your group alone.

The whole incident is the kind of situation that causes so many fights in English bars.
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#6 Jun 22nd, 2005, 12:53
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What a dumb stupid woman. She's the one who should have been ridiculed.
#7 Jun 22nd, 2005, 12:53
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Originally Posted by steven_ber Assuming I could have resisted telling the 'lady' to f*** off, I might have said "My name's Gigolo, but you can call me grandson".
No way, that any of us could have called that lady to f*** off. That's really not done, in India.. Abusive language in the face of the girls is used only when you are really pissed off by a girl and that too as the last thing before you start getting voilent. I know its kinda strange that you can start using abusive language with guy at the drop of a hat.. but in all these years, I have never seen a guy abusing a girl, that he doesnt know of.

Quote:
Originally Posted by steven_ber I think you should have took the pressure of your friend and offered to dance with the woman, done in a joking way it wouldn't have ruined the atmosphere and the woman would have then left your group alone.

I wanted to say that.. but this all happened so fast and even I was interested in knowing what happens next. ... I thought that my friend will go and dance.. but it was just plain fun and never looked like harrassment, at that time. Her friends were laughing at her.. and she was getting pats on the back. Even this guy never took it well in the end.. was embarrassed more than anything but after a few cans of beer.. went back to normal
#8 Jun 22nd, 2005, 13:19
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Further analysis... She's a bully. She instinctively homed in on someone who wasn't going to stand up to her. She was probably also teasing some guy who'd she'd noticed who would have loved to dance with her.

...or just a prat who'd drunk too much.

Steven: I wish young women of 45 would ask me to dance (but not drunken stupid ones, I guess). (But, on second thoughts... ... )
#9 Jun 22nd, 2005, 14:11
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Originally Posted by Nick-H Steven: I wish young women of 45 would ask me to dance
So do I, but my suggested reply was for a '20-something' year old Indian man replying to a 45 year old white woman attempting to intimidate and humiliate by saying "What's your name, boy?".

If the British ambassador were female and spoke to an Indian that way, she would rightly lose her job.
#10 Jun 22nd, 2005, 14:37
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Yeah, Intimidating an Indian guy, in India. So, ladies, especially Mala, does this give you back your courage. . ... jes kidding. I think that guy reacted that way, because it was the first time a foreigner was talking to him and without any introduction being asked for dance was a little too much for him. And after seeing his replies, that lady just became more aggressive.

To be fair to that lady, it never felt like that she is humilliating. Her tone was polite the whole time and she had a smile, the gentle one not the sarcastic one...
Later on, she learned some hindi words from her indian friends and came back to our group again and asked the name in hindi "Tumhara naam kya hai". and went back without any answer, jes being happy to say that sentence !!!
#11 Jun 22nd, 2005, 16:45
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#11
Sounds like the lady also might have been performing for her friends. Not nice to use someone else like that.
#12 Jun 22nd, 2005, 16:53
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#12
Your friend is hot stuff and doesnt know it yet good for him. I dont see whats humiliating about the situation, unless its humiliating for the woman, who is 45, drunkenly tried to get a dance partner, and went back to sit alone. He shouldve said yes or no right away though ... indecision is out of the question. But not being used to such directness, I can somewhat understand.

Funny story.
#13 Jun 22nd, 2005, 17:49
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#13
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Originally Posted by phantom
Now, there was one group sitting right behind us, where we were standing, which was very noisy and was a mix of both foreigners and Indians. Suddenly, without any warning, a white foreigner lady stood up and walked to our group and asked my friend for dance ....!!! Now, imagine, a 20-something Indian software engineer, not exactly a nerd but still not a shake-thy-hip type, and one 45 something white female, good looking though and visibly drunk. He was shocked and couldnt even reply. So that lady asked him again "What's your name, boy ?" and he muttered his name. The next question she asked, "Are you embarrassed ?"
to be perfectly frank, this broad and her pals sound like a bunch of drunken a**holes. That whole display wasn't about gender roles, it was all about power, which is what sexual harassment is all about whether it's perpetrated by a man or a woman.
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#14 Jun 22nd, 2005, 19:21
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#14
Sorry Steven; Missed Point Error.

Yogagal; nail hit on head.
#15 Jun 22nd, 2005, 19:35
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Originally Posted by yogagal60510 it was all about power, which is what sexual harassment is all about whether it's perpetrated by a man or a woman.
yes... nail in head too.

Also from an Indian man pov, guys like me ... or to be precise... me ha(s)ve to always watch out, anything said or done can be taken for sexual harassment in the west. And Indian men will generally be very concerned about their careers, fear of God, reputation in society, blah blah blah...

This also makes it very difficult to break the ice to the opposite sex and instigate a friendship or more...
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