Indian men --- no housework ?

edwardseco

I put it differently, if the wife cooks I buy the dishwasher..

grikoo

Hmmmm......


10 seconds worth of wages to buy soap and water vs. an hour to cook you dinner.......

chAos

I'll rephrase what Nick-H said with a little more accuracy:
there are some that do, and some that don't.

Right or wrong beside the point; it is true that Indian men aren't expected to do housework. This is not only because of paid househelp, because women really are expected to do what's left. Usually cook if not clean. And they're expected to manage the househelp which can sometimes be, ummm, fraught.

I've seen perfectly nice, educated, well-meaning guys do things like not serve themselves rice that's sitting on the table, or get their own glass of water. They just have to make the request into thin air and things happen for them. For the most part, this is just due to conditioning, and doesn't necessarily make them 'bad.'

Even if do they learn, like Alohaguy has, how to do something when they're on their own, don't underestimate the instant reversion to miniraja that happens when they get back into their mother's house.

For the OP, and all the other gals out there (OK, maybe for a couple of you guys) here's an article that might be useful for continuing the conditioning.

Although, Puchoo, 5 hours?!? No istriwalla to call?

crvlvr

its not about "equality" but that gender roles in indian society are clearly defined, especially in more conservative households. With the advent of the booming economy and the availability of economic opportunity for women, the lines between the roles are getting more blurry.

Haylo

Not at all bad per se, and to be honest, if I had someone at my beck and call I bet I'd get used to it PDQ!

This is not really about who does the washing up, it is about how equal (or rather not equal) smilingfish is made to feel by his attitude.

There are also concerns for the future. What if they have a son? With what attitude would he be brought up?

faustus77

If you have travelled in Gujrat you must have noticed at some point or other an empty hand being pulled by the wife on oneside and on the other the daughter-in-law.The male member would be RIDING on the cart and smoking a bidi or lazing around.
Incidentally When the cart is full all 3 pull/push it.
MALE CHAUVINIST PIG? I dont know but that is the tradition
REGARDS

felonious_monk

I really don't see how smilingfish's boyfriend not making his own coffee can be excused by Indian culture deep in his head. I seen plenty of Indian men (in India) make their own coffee. What is the norm will vary depending on the specifics. Are we talking about a villager from a backward state or educated city-bred man from a progressive family. In families where women wait on the men, the men have an equally non-negotiable role to be protectors and providers for the family. Gender roles cut both ways.
India has had a female Prime Minister, President and more than one state Chief Minister. I'm sure they did not get there waiting on the men in their family. It is up to you what you accept. Ultimately, beyond gender politics and cultural norms it is between you and your boyfriend to decide what you will accept of each other.

grikoo

Well said......

kristinm

'Call the boy' .. one of my favourite Indian phrases.. Long live outsourcing I say, if I lived in India I'd probably support half the neighbourhood I HATE housework!!!!!

Sama

I agree, very well said. people get what they put up with.

as for the "it's tradition" excuse -- you can say that about a lot of questionable behavior....frankly, if some dude expected me to serve him his rice when it was sitting on the table in front of him, he'd be wearing it.

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linwei66

Call me old fashioned but I (an American young female) do the house work and I enjoy it.

My family still follows the same example of Zolan's America 40 years ago! My father earns money, my mother was always a housewife raising children and doing houswork. I think being raised in a family like this has helped to prepare me for life in India with an Indian husband.

Although I do the general chores like dusting, sweeping, etc. My Indian boyfriend (who did absolutely no housework in India before he met me) now takes it upon himself to clean up after himself if he makes mess, cleans the dishes from time to time, does his own laundry, etc. I never asked him to do this. Maybe being in a relationship gives him a new sense of responsibility or maybe its just that being with an American has changed his way of thinking....not quite sure which.

crvlvr

that has been the gender roles during the entire civilization of mankind. It is only in the past 50 years (or less that these roles have changes even in civilized countries. IMHO, it is up to the couple to decide what their roles should be and it is up to society to accept it (as long as their is no abuse) anything else is bigotry.

Here is an image from the 1950s in the US that some of you might ind appalling and others entertaining. Even today in the US, there are communities which practise polygamy etc even though it is illegal. An example that different values can exist in even relatively new countries. Expecting every family in India to reflect western values is farfetched.

The Good Wifes Guide

Alohaguy

You are right on the money about that

puchoo

I must confess that happens to me everytime i go back home...

All the t-shirts were with various prints etc on them which istriwalas tend to run over and screw it up..Secondly a lot of them are favourite t-shirts of mine which i dont let anyone else (other than Mrs P) iron to begin with so...

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edwardseco

I'll second Grikoo on the kudos for this.

Very much agreed. This should also reflect significant differences between minorities within countries. In a rural communist household in India I was required to wash dishes..