Indian men --- no housework ?

chAos

All the eccentricities are getting medically treated away now. Pity, naa?

grikoo

Luckily I escaped treatment.

Dilliwala

I carry a cudgel around, just in case anyone tries to treat me!
Hell, with the world as crazy as it is, one wud have to be insane to cling onto sanity.

AwayFromHome

I am Indian, my wife not. We live in the US.

I cook about 5-6 days a week, because I enjoy it, she loves my food and she's not a great cook. I also do dishes about 4-5 times a week. She is in charge of the rare cookout on the grill (neither of us are great fans of steaks etc.), because she knows what she's doing on a grill.
I don't do laundry, except for folding clothes. I help with the kids in everything - except homework. The reason - I'm too impatient and think the kids should be far smarter than they are. They really are extremely smart, but this is one stereotypical Indian male attitude towards studies that I, despite a conscious effort, have failed to discard. Hence, the multiplication tables are left to Mrs AFH, who is very smart too, but does not have the IITian unhealthy (at least in my case) obsession with perfection.

In summary, we try to do what we think we can handle and enjoy best.

We do create a furor when we visit my family in India because neither she or I can sit and ask for the servant to bring us a glass of water. I can not and do not judge my family for that, because about 18 years ago I was the same way and thought nothing of it. People have to earn a living, and if people didn't sit and ask for Paranthas in the middle of the night, a lot of people would be unemployed. Plus, they wouldn't be part of a pseudo extended family, where their kids get educaional, medical and emotional support from their employers.

(Did I just massively go off-topic? Blame it on the the powerful painkillers I'm on due to surgery on my left hand yesterday, required because of participation in age-inappropriate activities 2 days ago. IMers, please - some sympathy. My kids and wife won't stop laughing at me)

grikoo

That's cool that you recognize this tendency. My father was the same way (but not Indian). I think in many ways it actually benefitted me, and I don't think it's a bad trait really. It certainly instilled a desire for perfection in all activities. The impatience though.....that's another thing.

This is the best way, similar to what I discuss above.

I really admire this about Indian society. Not at all the case in the US, where the employer bears absolutely no responsibility for the employee. I actually advised one of my friends last week to approach her boss in that manner, saying basically- 'look, my living expenses are such and such so I need a raise to cover it'. The idea was so totally foriegn to her, that her employer should actually be involved directly in her welfare. But after presenting it that way to her employer, she got exactly what she asked for.

Actually, I think you brought us back closer to the original topic.

AwayFromHome

This is one of the least understood aspects of Indian upper middle class society.

My brother and his wife are extremely well off. But they take time every day to teach lessons to their servant's kids and also visit their adjoining villages to spread awareness about basic clean habits. That is admirable, but I also saw them spend 2 nights at a private hospital taking care of a teen who was emotionally unstable and suicidal.

For all the stories going around on IM about Indians not caring - there is another side to it. People do care . There's just not enough to go around sometimes, sadly.

federica

I feel it's like all over the world: there are the ones who care a lot, and there are some that don't care at all. And of course some inbetween

The difference is: in Europe a lot of this care is seen as "job of the government", maybe that's where this impression comes from.

Just an offtopic annotation...

Dilliwala

That depends. What was your right hand doing at the time, i.e. shud it have been doing the activities instead? Did your right hand even know what your left hand was doing? And how inapproriate is inappropriate?

Ms Princess W

AFH, your philosophy about your family's hired staff is exactly the same as my fiance's and that of his family. Their staff have worked for his family for years and years and basically, the employees (or servants, if you will) are in fact family and taken care of as such. That's something my fiance has been trying to teach the kids before we go - that the employees deserve respect and they will be given that respect. They are family, period, and are taken care of as such. Your brother and his wife sound very much like my soon-to-be inlaws

My fiance also has that mindset about kids' schoolwork that you do, by the way. Especially when it comes to my 14 year old son, who is very intelligent and capable, but doesn't work anywhere near to his capability. It drives us, but especially my man, crazy!!!!

AwayFromHome

My right hand did in fact know what my left hand was doing - in fact it was a co-participant.
And no, I am NOT that wierd (I know what's going through your mind, Dilliwala).

It was more of a Tarzan-like activity

AwayFromHome

That's great to hear (both of your points).

I think the attitude towards long time servants is pretty common. The transient servants, in my opinion, don't have it so good.

Dilliwala

Ha! No you don't, specially since I didn't ask and you didn't mention whether you're left- or right-handed!

I think I'll have to give you the firetruck test.

AwayFromHome

ok, I'll bite - what's the firetruck test and can I administer it on myself?
(None of this is sounding quite right!)

Dilliwala

Heheheh

(With that emoticon, one can turn the most innocent of Q's into something else - "So did you cook dinner yet?" )


Here you go

AwayFromHome