indian hospitality - a thing of the past..

anar

..or very much a part of india today?

i remember all sorts of people (related, unrelated, friends of friends, anyone who was visiting bombay it seemed had my father's address) coming to stay for days and weeks on end - never heard my family complain about it. my mother made full meals at 3am if a (hungry) visitor happened to arrive at that inopportune time. it was all part and parcel of growing up in a punjabi household. a visiting english friend once remarked my father's living room reminded him of 'grand central station'!

back in india after many years of living abroad, i don't notice any signs of such extended hospitality (at least not in kerala where i now live). people are friendly and welcoming, sure, but no one goes out of their way to accommodate/entertain visitors. is this a new thing? or is it to do with that old 'north-south' divide? i wonder if visitors to india have their own take on this, experiences and suchlike.

New-South-Welshman

Well, I've been to India 3 times, 1993, 2004 and 2007, and it's all been the same to me. Very welcoming. Never experienced disgruntled or ignoring hosts. I go back in early 2008, maybe it'll all change? Heh.

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shashank.aggarwal

Anar you are quite right in your Judgement, the reason being the lufestyle has changed a lot and time has become a scarce commodity in Cities.

Still if you go in smaller towns and villages where life is on the slower side, people will make lot of efforts to entertain you and go out of their way to do the same...as they have plenty of time on hand...

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federica

[quote=anar;408507 is this a new thing? or is it to do with that old 'north-south' divide? [/QUOTE]

I think it's both. I felt North Indians more outgoing in general(of course there are lots of exceptions!!!) And with rising pressure at work people don't have so much time anymore, the day has only 24 hours.... it's the same all over the world... sad...

Still I found incredible hospitality in India, especially in villages, but also in cities. That's one of India's treasures.

nayan

another reason (which shashank sort of alluded)is the break up of joint families in cities. Now there is only one woman in a nuclear family and in lots of cases she also has a job. So it may not be possible for her to spare a lot of time on guests.

My grandmother never lets a guest leave her house without feeding him a full meal. she will even feed salesgirls sweets/savouries.

guests are equally welcome at my house but I cannot spare the time/effort for this kind of hospitality.... so its tea and readymade snacks most of the time.

Prashant.M

I don't think it's a North or South thing. My Grand Father's house was and is always bustling with visitors whereas our house used to be more or less quiet. I think this was because his house was big and a joint family whereas our house itself was small and a nuclear family. Another reason might be that they were gregarious in nature while we were reserved.

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the opoponax

This is something I've already experienced, before even leaving the US. My roommate, who is from of one of those "big Punjabi families" described above, insists that all of my various friends in India (most of whom I know from working together a couple years ago, many of whom I've not seen or rarely seen since) are going to be falling over themselves to put me up for as long as I care to stay.

So far emailing said friends has not really produced that result. I've chalked it up so far to most of them being young strivers in the city (much like myself -- I'd have kittens if someone I hadn't seen in years showed up on my doorstep and expected to stay for days on end!), without the means to host guests or the clout to be able to extend an invitation. I also wonder if it's not a matter of the famously non-monolithic Indian culture. Expectations about guests vary a lot from place. There's no reason my Bombayite and Bengali friends have the same understanding as his Punjabi relatives.

OcoeeG

I would have to agree about the lack of profuse outpourings of hospitality that I read about before coming to India. I have been living in India since July, and find the people much less freindly than I read about before I came. Sure there are plenty of freindly people, but it is not nearly as prevelant as it was made to seem during my research prior to moving here. It could partly be situational, I live in a touristy Himalayan town who is used to seeing western visitors. Both from tourists, language school types and also the community I belong to which is a very established group of expat and national teachers. When I travel further into the mountains I do recieve lots of pleasant and genuine hospitality, but it still lacks that fabled Indian hospitality that I read about. I probally built it up so much in my own mind before coming here that I percive it to be less than it truly is. Believe me, I am not complaining by any means. I have met scores of wonderful people, just don't expect to be welcomed into every house you pass or be stopped by every stanger on the street and asked your lives story. In retrospect, maybe that is a good thing.

pontesnm

I should note that Indians are very hospitable to friends and family but much less so to strangers. My guess is that it would take awhile for a foreigner to break into a typical social circle in India. My family has lived in Mumbai since 1898 so they have a large extended circle of friends. We were so busy socializing with our existing social network that there was no real time for newcomers.

the opoponax

Honestly, I'm kind of OK with it. It's like I said above -- if some long-lost friend showed up on my doorstep on short notice and expected to stay indefinitely, I would freak! So it seems sort of unreasonable to expect people in India to move heaven and earth to take care of me. Cool if something like that happens, but I just don't expect it and I think it's kind of awful to assume everyone's going to be fighting to host the Gori.

ScarletLSG

I'm not there yet, but I'm going to Delhi and then eventually continuing onto Nagpur for a friend of a friend's wedding. The friend's family is hosting my travel partner and I, giving us a room to stay for 5 days and has even asked us what we'd like to do for Christmas. I find that to be AMAZING hospitality!!

ScarletLSG

wonderwomanusa

I have met people in India -- sometimes on TDC tours -- who invited me to come to their town and eat with them, or even to stay with them.

I've gone for an occasional meal, but never invoked the overnight visit part, as I like very much to wake alone with nobody around me.

avi1010

This used to happen in my place too, my dad had a habit of helping strangers, he'd arrange jobs for them through his contacts in the Middle East. They almost never had a place to stay in Bombay and used to live with us till they left for the M.E. and we're from Kerala (where you currently live)

My take, its not a old 'north-south' divide, its just if you have it in you or not, you don't have to be from Punjab, Kerala or anywhere else for that.

Aishah

This hospitality is a custom with the people I live with - if someone visits their home immediately water will be brought. Then the chai pot put on, and to go with that something like bajra roti with butter and jaggery, or a thing called something sounding like 'saving' which is spaghetti-like wheat flour home made and made into threads by a machine, also with ghee and jaggery. All very yummy village food, not available readily like this in the city. Depending on time of day, the meal will be shared if visitor arrives at breakfast, lunch or dinner.
This hospitality is traditional and obligatory. If not offered people would speak badly about the manners of those people who fail to be hospitable. Not quite the same in the city where people are leading busy lives, going to work etc. But always, the glass of water will come and the offer of chai.

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burf

please don't make it a north-south thing, people are becoming intolerant everywhere including on the roads

this is an unhappy situation!