Indian Dating (for a guy) + Gay Culture?

Peyompian · Feb 22nd, 2005, 03:23

So... I am a 25 year old American male, and I got my 10 year tourist Visa the other day, and in a couple of months I am moving to Goa/Bangalore (will see when I get there) to work on my own on a software project for six months or a year.

Honestly... I figure that I will probably be celibate during my time in India. Although this is not ideal... I figure I can meditate alot, or something. Most of my time will be spent in Goa, and I will be there in the off-season where there won't be many European/Israeli tourists, and as far as I know... dating a Goan girl is hard. I'm not looking for a wife. I'm not above the occasional one-night stand, but really I would be looking for "light" dating, that might turn into a relationship and might not. I'm sure I will get lonely for a little intimacy, whether that is in-between sheets, or over a cup of chai in a cozy cafe.

I hear that in Bangalore, there are alot of girls with attitudes that resemble their more conservative western counterparts... very similar in attitude to what Indiadancer has expressed in the other dating thread. But as for Goa... I have no idea what to expect. Anyone?

I lived in Russia, and although sex was easy to get owing to the "white god" factor... friendships and dating were hard to come by. Not many girls were interested in you as a person, and it was hard to tell who actually was. Is this as much an issue in India?

One last question: I realize that homosexuality is still very much taboo in India. I enjoy gay culture in the states... is there a gay culture in India, in major cities... or is it very much underground and/or not accepted as a "lifestyle" even by gays/lesbians?

aether · Feb 22nd, 2005, 05:48

you're not going to find much of a gay culture resembling the one in atlanta or other american cities...so far as i've gathered. i'm not gay myself, but have heard mumbai has a fun scene. some gay american guy friends of mine travelled around the southeast of india around chennai and thereabouts and didn't find much going on around there at all. you might have better luck in bangalore.

in pondicherry, i met a great indian guy...open minded, from an artistic bohemian family. he told me that a few years earlier, he had the fortune of meeting a lesbian couple from germany. he thought it was great, as there "are no lesbians in india."

tadka · Feb 22nd, 2005, 07:35

The Feb 20 05 NYTimes travel section had a nifty article about Mumbai nightlife, which noted that the Voodoo Pub has a gay night.

Also, scroll down to page 4, post #102 here for some great discussion from Vikram Doctor of The Economic Times.

I don't know if www.trikone.org has anything to offer you, but it might be worth a look around.

Peyompian · Feb 24th, 2005, 10:57

Hey guys, remember this thread? From a couple days ago... although the gay oriented replies were swell, no one replied to the questions about dating.

...

...

The quality of my question in this case meant... NO replies. A crude question meant two pages worth. Coincidence?

Anyway, I would be interested to hear from anyone that has actually lived in India about this.

steven_ber · Feb 24th, 2005, 11:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peyompian

The quality of my question in this case meant... NO replies. A crude question meant two pages worth. Coincidence?

A crude question/thread is normally deleted immediately; occasionally we allow one of those threads to stay, just to show other members that such a thread never improves.

It would be nice if you didn’t get nasty in your replies (referring to other thread), it is a real pain for a moderator to have to check every post that a particular member makes.

Peyompian · Feb 24th, 2005, 11:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by steven_ber

A crude question/thread is normally deleted immediately; occasionally we allow one of those threads to stay, just to show other members that such a thread never improves.

It would be nice if you didn’t get nasty in your replies, it is a real pain for a moderator to have to check every post that a particular member makes.

Thats interesting. Say, do you know anything about dating Indian girls in India, specifically: could you comment on Indian dating culture as it pertains to single Indian women?

steven_ber · Feb 24th, 2005, 11:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peyompian

Thats interesting. Say, do you know anything about dating Indian girls in India, specifically: could you comment on Indian dating culture as it pertains to single Indian women?

No, I don't go to India with the intention of dating, there’s a big country to see and a whole world of cultures to understand before I would even consider dating.

Peyompian · Feb 24th, 2005, 11:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by steven_ber

No, I don't go to India with the intention of dating, there’s a big country to see and a whole world of cultures to understand before I would even consider dating.

I guess if its a vacation, then that makes good sense. But my primary purpose is to work in an environment that is inrpirational. I intend to travel around a bit, as breaks for the work... but work I must. And wouldn't it be nice to have someone to drink tea with, and to snuggle watching Bollywood Simpsons?

indiamike · Feb 24th, 2005, 23:41

It's a valid question though the approach used here (referring to the other threads title) may have been a bit harsh (please remember that this site is also used in schools as a study aide).

Well dating? You should send a note to member OldHippie here, since he has posted quite a few posts in the past on dating and crossing the cultural barrier. See Indian galls (not to be taken that seriously)

It will be a challenge, though not impossible, as with everything you get back what you put into it. So if your open and honest then it's possible. However forget the 'white god' factor since it does not apply in India like it would with a few other countries.

If it's just sex you want then there are plenty of brothels and most towns have one, usually hidden from view though, and for a couple of hundred rupees (price is higher for a foreigner) you can get your pipes cleaned. Though I am not endorsing that method.

So could you date an Indian girl, sure you could. But they will not be flocking to you. It is still a very conservative country and I think I mentioned in another thread you will probably have an easier time meeting western woman who are in the same situation as you, alone and working in a city. The same theory would apply to Goa.

Relationships are always like that though and they just usually happen. If your goal is just to say "I dated an Indian girl while I was in India" you may wind up disappointed.

So yes it can happen but don't go expecting it.

Peyompian · Feb 25th, 2005, 06:22

Thanks, Mike! That was exactly the reply I was looking for. Thanks for the site, too.

high-lander · Feb 27th, 2005, 20:09

Mike,

Just joined your site - well done - looks great!

Intrigued by you mentioning 'white god factor' doesn't work in India - which indicates that it does some other places ...just as a matter of interest could you give us your top 5 places in the world where you think the white god factor works? ;-)

Tomi · Feb 27th, 2005, 21:02

Interesting topic, this white god thing.

Thailand and the Dominican Republic come to mind, where you'll find eligible women here and there who flaunt themselves in the hope of being discovered and marrying a rich white foreigner. Their intentions are honorable, high-lander, so I'm not sure they'll be interested in you !!

Why you might find this in some countries more than others, I'm not sure, many things come to mind, but I don't have a good grip. Perhaps a population of more trusting people --the two countries I mention are delightfully relaxed and friendly.

I also know two Japanese women married to French men, a middle-class middle-class affair, and the women both told me they chose Westerners because they thought they would be treated better. I didn't ask the obvious follow up out of courtesy!

beach · Feb 27th, 2005, 21:31

on the gay topic, www.bombay-dost.com is a much talked about magazine about this theme.

Same sex relations are frawn upon in India, though it exists verymuch.

Leave alone dating, even to develop a normal friendship amoung the members of opp. gender itself takes long time.

There is not much of comparison between the American social value system and the Indian. Nevertheless you'll not find it difficult to deal with the Indian system. All what is required is an open mined to understand that this a different culture with it's own value systems.

BTW, Why bother to run after some girls ?? You can do a lot of other useful things here

lobo · Mar 30th, 2005, 22:52

I would say u have little or no chance and you could come to grief if you did.
I saw and laughed at your other post about indian women, so i will be honest with you.
I dont think most indian women will be interested (family would frown on it)
You will probaly get your ass kicked by some small minded local men.
It will come to grief i think, of course i could be wrong but from what i saw of the attitudes of non indian men with indian women steer well clear.
Of course there is double standards with indian men dating non indian women but you get that everywhere i think.

Peyompian · Mar 30th, 2005, 23:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by lobo

I would say u have little or no chance and you could come to grief if you did.
I saw and laughed at your other post about indian women, so i will be honest with you.

Thank you. Apparently you're the only person with a sense of humor.

Quote:

I dont think most indian women will be interested (family would frown on it)
You will probaly get your ass kicked by some small minded local men.
It will come to grief i think, of course i could be wrong but from what i saw of the attitudes of non indian men with indian women steer well clear.
Of course there is double standards with indian men dating non indian women but you get that everywhere i think.

Dating always comes to grief, or you get married

The word I'm getting from people seems to be, "In Delhi, or Bombay, or most especially Bangalore, there are alot of westernized call-center girls that aren't looking for marriage out of dating... outside of that, not likely."

And I'm not too worried about getting my "ass kicked" by Indian men. The idea is pretty funny to me, actually.

Still, its nice to know just how pissed your average brother might be.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Tourist Impact on Indian Culture.	steven_ber	Chai and Chat	12	Oct 8th, 2005 20:08
Indian Work Culture	WadeJ	Chai and Chat	2	Aug 26th, 2004 23:10
Understanding Indian Culture?	mercedes10	Chai and Chat	4	Jun 1st, 2004 02:01
Do Valentine's Day celebrations in any way hamper Indian tradition and culture?	sanjaytanya	Chai and Chat	2	Feb 15th, 2003 13:55

Feb 22nd, 2005, 03:23	#1
Peyompian Baron of Benaulim Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Goa Posts: 174	Indian Dating (for a guy) + Gay Culture? So... I am a 25 year old American male, and I got my 10 year tourist Visa the other day, and in a couple of months I am moving to Goa/Bangalore (will see when I get there) to work on my own on a software project for six months or a year. Honestly... I figure that I will probably be celibate during my time in India. Although this is not ideal... I figure I can meditate alot, or something. Most of my time will be spent in Goa, and I will be there in the off-season where there won't be many European/Israeli tourists, and as far as I know... dating a Goan girl is hard. I'm not looking for a wife. I'm not above the occasional one-night stand, but really I would be looking for "light" dating, that might turn into a relationship and might not. I'm sure I will get lonely for a little intimacy, whether that is in-between sheets, or over a cup of chai in a cozy cafe. I hear that in Bangalore, there are alot of girls with attitudes that resemble their more conservative western counterparts... very similar in attitude to what Indiadancer has expressed in the other dating thread. But as for Goa... I have no idea what to expect. Anyone? I lived in Russia, and although sex was easy to get owing to the "white god" factor... friendships and dating were hard to come by. Not many girls were interested in you as a person, and it was hard to tell who actually was. Is this as much an issue in India? One last question: I realize that homosexuality is still very much taboo in India. I enjoy gay culture in the states... is there a gay culture in India, in major cities... or is it very much underground and/or not accepted as a "lifestyle" even by gays/lesbians?

Feb 22nd, 2005, 05:48	#2
aether Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: portland, oregon Posts: 46	you're not going to find much of a gay culture resembling the one in atlanta or other american cities...so far as i've gathered. i'm not gay myself, but have heard mumbai has a fun scene. some gay american guy friends of mine travelled around the southeast of india around chennai and thereabouts and didn't find much going on around there at all. you might have better luck in bangalore. in pondicherry, i met a great indian guy...open minded, from an artistic bohemian family. he told me that a few years earlier, he had the fortune of meeting a lesbian couple from germany. he thought it was great, as there "are no lesbians in india."

Feb 22nd, 2005, 07:35	#3
tadka Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: u.s. Posts: 69	The Feb 20 05 NYTimes travel section had a nifty article about Mumbai nightlife, which noted that the Voodoo Pub has a gay night. Also, scroll down to page 4, post #102 here for some great discussion from Vikram Doctor of The Economic Times. I don't know if www.trikone.org has anything to offer you, but it might be worth a look around.

Feb 24th, 2005, 10:57	#4
Peyompian Baron of Benaulim Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Goa Posts: 174	Hey guys, remember this thread? From a couple days ago... although the gay oriented replies were swell, no one replied to the questions about dating. ... ... The quality of my question in this case meant... NO replies. A crude question meant two pages worth. Coincidence? Anyway, I would be interested to hear from anyone that has actually lived in India about this.

Feb 24th, 2005, 23:41	#9
indiamike Retired Admin Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: New Joisey for now Posts: 1,759	It's a valid question though the approach used here (referring to the other threads title) may have been a bit harsh (please remember that this site is also used in schools as a study aide). Well dating? You should send a note to member OldHippie here, since he has posted quite a few posts in the past on dating and crossing the cultural barrier. See Indian galls (not to be taken that seriously) It will be a challenge, though not impossible, as with everything you get back what you put into it. So if your open and honest then it's possible. However forget the 'white god' factor since it does not apply in India like it would with a few other countries. If it's just sex you want then there are plenty of brothels and most towns have one, usually hidden from view though, and for a couple of hundred rupees (price is higher for a foreigner) you can get your pipes cleaned. Though I am not endorsing that method. So could you date an Indian girl, sure you could. But they will not be flocking to you. It is still a very conservative country and I think I mentioned in another thread you will probably have an easier time meeting western woman who are in the same situation as you, alone and working in a city. The same theory would apply to Goa. Relationships are always like that though and they just usually happen. If your goal is just to say "I dated an Indian girl while I was in India" you may wind up disappointed. So yes it can happen but don't go expecting it.

Feb 25th, 2005, 06:22	#10
Peyompian Baron of Benaulim Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Goa Posts: 174	Thanks, Mike! That was exactly the reply I was looking for. Thanks for the site, too.

Feb 27th, 2005, 20:09	#11
high-lander Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: london Posts: 4	Mike, Just joined your site - well done - looks great! Intrigued by you mentioning 'white god factor' doesn't work in India - which indicates that it does some other places ...just as a matter of interest could you give us your top 5 places in the world where you think the white god factor works? ;-)

Feb 27th, 2005, 21:02	#12
Tomi Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Cambridge, MA, USA Posts: 448	Interesting topic, this white god thing. Thailand and the Dominican Republic come to mind, where you'll find eligible women here and there who flaunt themselves in the hope of being discovered and marrying a rich white foreigner. Their intentions are honorable, high-lander, so I'm not sure they'll be interested in you !! Why you might find this in some countries more than others, I'm not sure, many things come to mind, but I don't have a good grip. Perhaps a population of more trusting people --the two countries I mention are delightfully relaxed and friendly. I also know two Japanese women married to French men, a middle-class middle-class affair, and the women both told me they chose Westerners because they thought they would be treated better. I didn't ask the obvious follow up out of courtesy!

Feb 27th, 2005, 21:31	#13
beach Lost in translation Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: India ! Posts: 2,234	on the gay topic, www.bombay-dost.com is a much talked about magazine about this theme. Same sex relations are frawn upon in India, though it exists verymuch. Leave alone dating, even to develop a normal friendship amoung the members of opp. gender itself takes long time. There is not much of comparison between the American social value system and the Indian. Nevertheless you'll not find it difficult to deal with the Indian system. All what is required is an open mined to understand that this a different culture with it's own value systems. BTW, Why bother to run after some girls ?? You can do a lot of other useful things here

Mar 30th, 2005, 22:52	#14
lobo Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: london Posts: 431	I would say u have little or no chance and you could come to grief if you did. I saw and laughed at your other post about indian women, so i will be honest with you. I dont think most indian women will be interested (family would frown on it) You will probaly get your ass kicked by some small minded local men. It will come to grief i think, of course i could be wrong but from what i saw of the attitudes of non indian men with indian women steer well clear. Of course there is double standards with indian men dating non indian women but you get that everywhere i think.

User Name		Remember Me?
Password