Indiamike Cricket 11 win first ODI

Rob_The_Pom

The Indiamike 11 recorded a stunning victory in the first match of the series against the evil Thorn Tree 11.

It was a mild 67 degrees centigrade in Bangalore, but this didn't stop the Indiamikers from putting on a memorable performance. Captain Indiamike won a crucial toss on a hard flat track, that looked like freshly-laid concrete, closer examination revealed that it was freshly-laid concrete. After winning the toss skipper Indiamike said he hadn't got a clue what to do as he'd never even seen a cricket match before let alone played one. But some sound advice from senior pro Steve_Ber, the Indiamikers elected to bat. The trouble with this idea meant the lower order would be slugging Bigzero's special lassis and bottles of Kingfisher for the next three hours, but it was decided a risk it, especially as Sadhuji had told Bigzero to make the lassis extra-special.

Beach and Maree got the 'Mikers' off to the best possible attack clubbing the TT opening bowler out of the attack. Beach hit 6 successive bounders before Maree clubbed the bowler around the head for asking her why a girl was playing cricket. Marvellous effort that.
The fun continued with the ball disappearing to all parts of the boundary. Skipper Indiamike admitted he was a little concerned with a run rate of 12 an over, as he was a little more used to an RBI of .410.
Beach was eventually dismissed caught short, his drinks-break Kingfisher proving a little too much, but a well struck 76 was well appreciated by all.
Maree continued to be brutal on anyone who questioned the fact a girl was opening the batting, recording three sixes and a decapitation in the 18th over. She eventually retired hurt when she realised that the All-Blacks were on tele.
Avidtrekker and Amogasidhi continued the carnage until umpire Conor_M sent Amogasidhi on his way after a wild slash outside off stump. The large damp patch on a good length would provide assistance for the bowlers for the rest of the day.
Avidtrekker followed next, after a run-out. Avidtrekker thought he spotted a new trekking route up the side of the south stand and just couldn't help running for it. No hesitation from umpire Torryquine in raising the finger. Team manager Volga_Volga later complained to the match referee that umpires just shouldn't do that sort of thing.
The team looked to coach Alan_D for guidance at this point, only to find that he'd dropped off soon after finishing his second Kingfisher.
Rab steadied the ship while Indiamike continued the carnage at the other end. The unusual baseball style certainly proved effective. Mind you, it took a lot of effort from Rab to stop the skipper from running around the pitch, waving to the crowd and back into the pavillion after a massive straight six.
Rab's long and fruitful vigil was eventually ended after he realised the bar was open and Rob_The_Pom was three pints up on him.
Shimla helped Indiamike finish the innings off with a super-little cameo to close the innings on 765-5 after 50 overs.

After the interval the TT just had no answer to the Mikers bowling attack. Steve_Ber's nagging accuracy annoyed one of the openers so much he threatened him with his bat. Fortunately Maree had brought her bat onto the field and the opener returned to the pavillion in humiliation. The TT were one down with only three on the board.
Shere's pace also proved far to much for the TT, pole-axing two batmens and giving one a free vasectomy in just four overs. After 15 overs the spinners Digital Drifter and Rob_The_Pom were introduced and they tied the batsmen up in knots. Fortunately one of the batsman was an expert yogi and this didn't trouble him too much, although his holding of the bat with the cheeks of his ar2e proved an entertaining sight for all.
Digital Drifter bamboozled both the batsman and himself, although that was probably down to the 8 bottles of Kingfisher he'd consumed at tea. After finishing his 10 overs Rob_The_Pom soon had to leave the field with several pulled muscles. Physio Aishwarya Rai promised to look after him until he was all better. Manager Volga_Volga reported that RTP hasn't left the physio's table in the three days since the game.
2Cents replaced RTP and headed straight to long leg where he continued his quest to drink the stadium out of Kingfisher. The team were able to use him as long barrier for several overs until he started snoaring, then Sadhuji took his place in the field. He'd only consumed marginally less than 2Cents, but his Lata and Asha singing impressions kept all amused in what had now become a fairly one-sided affair.
The match was finished in some style with a magnificent catch from Shimla off Indiamike. There was some controversy as umpire Conor_M refused to call Indiamike for chucking, citing the fact he didn't know the rules and the TT were getting murdered anyway. The innings closed on the TT 27 all out.

Commentator Somnath expressed his satisfaction with the match saying the Mikers were, 'like a rat in the chicken-coup, able to fly with the pidgeons' and the TT were 'more useless than a men's magazine with all the pictures of naked women cut out'.
Rumours that Bigzero added horse tranquiliser to the TT drinks trolley are being verhemtedly denied.
Marvellous effort that.

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Bigzero

Three Cheers to the IM team!

Bigzero, drinks vendor
( a secret - bigzero's special laced drinks went a long way in helping the IM cause.. )

RTP, Hope your sessions with the physio turn out to be very productive.

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Rob_The_Pom

I better add you in, Bigzero - give me a couple of minutes!

That's better, marvellous effort that.

ddutta

IM 11 ZINDABAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Bigzero

Hip Hip Hooray!

volga_volga

someone's getting a preferential treatment here from the team's physician, i should look into that

RTP,

Team announcement:

the team manager is currently trying to locate the IM 11 members (some of whom have recently been seen in the Bangalore's Molly's Pub) - if you think you have seen one of the IM 11, or if you think are in the team, please report to v-v

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steven_ber

A well deserved victory, well done all members.

It seems the thorn tree put out a bunch of no-hopers, probably just to test us.

Thorn Tree cricket team to face indiamike.com

Maybe next time they will field a competitive team.

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Rob_The_Pom

That's no problem, they can send out who they like, we'll just get Bigzero to put more horse tranquiliser in their drinks trolley!!!!

beach

beach's golden bat is auctioned later for 25 lakh rupees.

Shiver me Timbers

Brilliant - though somebody needs to come up with an IM 'anthem'. I'll start working on it, it's the only way I can contribute. Should have it by Monday.

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Rob_The_Pom

It looks like the TT are trying to get a new side together, of course they have absolutely no hope. Why? Well, I write the match reports for a start.....

Rob_The_Pom

Reports have just come in that the Indiamiker 11 have taken out the second ODI and clinched the 3 match series after bowling the TT out for just 7. In a surprising gamble Bigzero loaded his entire collection of horse tranquilisers into the TT breakfast buffet, but it paid off as just one batsman was able to score a run. The other 6 coming from leg-bye when Steven_Ber bounced the TT number 11 Velu, the ball hit his helmet and disappeared over 3rd man for 6.
The most notable feature of the innings was a world record 6 hit wicket dismissals as one batsman after another feel asleep and collapsed onto their stumps.
After the innings Shere apologised to his team for conceding the only run off the bat, caused when the TT skipper chanamasala attempted to pull him to mid-wicket by only succeeding in hitting the ball into the ground and rebounding into his own 'middle-wicket'. The ensuing laughter, which lasted for several minutes eventually allowed the TT to complete their only single of the game.
The Mikers innings lasted only 2 delivers, both 4 byes - as the wicket keeper was still sleeping off the tranquilisers and 7 bottles of Kingfisher at lunch.
In injury news Rob_The_Pom again had to leave the field after only one deliver and is still to appear from the physio's room.
The TT promise a better performance later in the week.
The man of the match was unanimously and unsurprisingly given to Bigzero for his stunning performance with the dope.
Team manager Volga_Volga said she was trying extremely hard to get a replacement supply of horse tranquiliser for the next match, but was otherwise happy to rely on the teams supply of Elephant pills.
(Source Unassociated Press)

Rob_The_Pom

Magnificent effort there, really super stuff 2cents! Keep swilling that beer!
Go the mikers!

volga_volga

I found contacts in Gilgit, they are in horse business - Bigzero just wink me how much more you'll need...












BTW what is "ODI"?

channamasala

Game #3, the "Screw You Guys, and We're Not Going Home" game ends in decisive LPTT victory despite the fact that Captain Channamasala doesn't know anything about cricket.

The LPTT team, miffed that matches have been played and theoretically “won” without their knowledge that such a cyber-match had even occurred, came out on to the field on this fine winter’s day with war in their eyes and the fighting spirit in their souls. Showing off their amazing prowess in this decisive victory, the team consisted of:

peaceman – the reluctant Mumbaikar makes a strong batsman. His gentlemanly manners on the pitch and his dry sense of humor make for a pleasant all around game.
CheersTerry – With plenty of cheers and a fire in his belly, and a penchant to win. Good all-rounder but tends to be better as a batsman than bowler, however not known for out-of-boundary hits.
indianresident – a strong bowler, who can deliver the sneakiest of balls, leaving even the shrewdest batsman looking around, wondering what hit ‘em
girllovestravel – all about team-spirit, this well-rounded player brings to the pitch not only talent in both batting and bowling, but also a ‘can do’ mentality that makes her the team’s unofficial cheerleader.
SoulCurry – the Mummyji of the LPTT team, also a good strong bowler who uses her charms and her Secret Service wiles to confuse the hell out of the Indiamike batters. Her “wiles” include pointing off into the distance and saying “Hey look, it’s Shah Rukh Khan!” and bowling when the batter turns to try and get an autograph.
Merchant – another good all-rounder.
Mieke_NL – The Mother end of the Dutch Duo, a strong batter with a keen eye who can hit even the spinningest of balls out the boundary.
Bloem – The Daughter end of the Mother-Daughter Dutch Duo, a strong bowler who brings pride to the LPTT crew.
Ndrx – The Knowledgeable One. Also a formidable catcher, with a good eye and quick legs.
madmax00 – The Pugnacious Punjabi, a strong batsman, a good standard bowler but not good with the ‘throw ‘em off’ shots like SoulCurry and Indianresident.
latisharma – The Scathing Sindhi* and a star batsman. Big and scary.
Channamasala – our lush (as in “drinks too much”, not as in “luscious”) American “captain” who, by virtue of being American, isn’t exactly a stomping cricket fan, but who does enjoy writing and kicking the occasional backside.

Iyou’s still in the running, the main issue being that he doesn’t “support” LPTT team enough (ie post on LPTT enough), but is being held in reserve for future games in case an LPTT team is injured. Considering their rough and aggressive play, this is a very likely scenario.

Just because we feel like it – Vedanta, our resident poetry quoter, to bring a sense of the intellectual to the game.

And ottotitsling, aka Sanjay the Snarker, in a skimpy girl’s cheerleading outfit. For laughs.

*Latish, needing a rest from smashing the balls while at bat, is sometimes subbed for velu, a strong and strapping young batsman for batting high and far, but who is also a first mate in the Indian merchant marines and so absent for many of the matches.

Indiamike was up first as batters for some reason that I don’t know, the bowlers of the LPTT team delivering a tough play. Although Indiamike scored impressive runs, they didn’t score as many as expected – perhaps overconfidence kicked in after their two apparent wins. This was surprising, considering that the pitch was definitely a batsman’s paradise. The team spread out in an aggressive field array, mostly because channamasala didn’t really know what to do and was making stuff up. She is American, after all. They’re good at making stuff up. Cricket games, the presence of WMD’s, they can do it all.

On the field – The Scathing Sindhi as wicketkeeper for some inscrutable reason, and peaceman and Mieke on Gully and Leg Slip because those sound funny, and ndrx and channa on mid-on and mid-off because those sound perverted, and The Pugnacious Punjabi on long off, and the bowlers in other positions that are strategically advantageous. Really I need to get another person to write the next one because I obviously don’t know jesus fark about cricket. 

The first over was bowled by favorite SoulCurry, who distracted the Indiamike batsman, whoever he was, by the fact that she’s so darn cute. He was heartbroken to learn that she married some Marathi guy awhile back and sobbed after her six bowls were balled. Err, balls were bowled. I’m too lazy to go into it, but she bowled well and he only scored like eight runs or something.

The next overs were bowled by girllovestravel, CheersTerry, Bloem and indianresident, with Indianresident especially delivering a superb performance. Channa noted that the Indiamike team seemed to be saving its strongest batsmen for the end, putting up the weaker batsmen in the beginning (all easily gotten out by Soul and also quite a few by CheersTerry). With Indianresident bowling, though, they didn’t know what hit ‘em. Girllovestravel’s sturdy, steady bowling led many batters from the Indiamike team to think that they could hit far balls and whatever, but good fielding especially by the Pugnacious Punjabi often stopped them in their efforts. CheersTerry especially contributed to the LPTT team’s wicket count, not to mention the frighteningly fast Bloem Balls.

All in all, the Indiamikers batted at, oh, lets say 180 (I’m totally making this up) with….well we need some wickets. 10 wickets? I don’t know…for the LPTT team.

And then the LPTT team, well-known for being batter-heavy, was up at bat. Although Indiamike bowled well, ball-shattering runs by peaceman, The Scathing Sindhi (who scored a full century) and the Pugnacious Punjabi puffed up the LPTT score. Channamasala appeared to be having a bad day, but considering her tumultuous love affair with Hrithik Roshan which is probably taking a toll on the amount of sleep she gets (woo hoo!), plus recovering from a recent injury playing soccer (or football as you Euros call it for some strange reason) on an ice rink in sneakers (sorry, trainers) with a plastic Christmas ornament, she can hardly be blamed for that. Her fiery enthusiasm got the rest of the team in full gear so she’s worth something at least. Mieke also delivered a fine performance, showing the versatility of the Dutch Duo. CheersTerry also batted his fair worth and is hailed as one of the stalwartly dependable members of the team. Indianresident, although not known for batting skills, is a quick and agile runner and manages to get a good run out of punts not to mention a fair amount of runs out of full-on bats. SoulCurry used her secret service talents to make the ball appear as if it disappeared so the fielders on the Indiamike team were very confused indeed as she raced between the wickets. All in all, the Indiamike team scored 6 wickets including one impressive hat trick, because I think that term sounds funny, but could not prevent the LPTT team from scoring over 200 runs (223 to be exact, because I feel like it).

And all through it Vedanta quoted romantic Neruda verses and ottotitsling jumped up and down in a pleated micromini.

Good game! Jolly good! I’m not British so I’ll stop bloody pretending. Scones anyone?

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"I think America is just a place people made up to scare their kids." - some TT guy