India - wedding gifts??

Rowena1 · Mar 2nd, 2005, 07:59

Hello!
I am travelling to Lucknow from Australia in early June for my sister's wedding. (She lives here with her partner, they are going back for the wedding). I am travelling with my whole family including four children.
I have so many questions. The first is:
Should we take my brother-in-law's parents a gift? If so, what would be appropriate?
Is there anything else I should know about Indian weddings? Clothes, behaviour etc etc.
We are a regular Aussie family and need advice here!!!
Thanks!

natasha chanda acharya · Mar 2nd, 2005, 10:18

Welcome to IM.

If you can afford it, take gifts for everyone. Even people you don't know, haven't met, will never see again. But then again, if you don't no one will complain since your relationship with the family is such that people cannot make demands.

Are you a man or a woman? If you are a man (the bride's brother) then the gift expectancy will go up. But if you are a woman (the bride's sister) then no one will expect much.

According to me the ideal situation is: Just buy your sister and bro in law a wedding gift. Preferably ask them if they need something that you could buy for them. If you have money to spare, give it to your parents for expences towards the wedding. (assuming that they are hosting the marriage ceremony.) Of course, if you are buying gifts for your parents, then you might as well buy for you sister's in-laws too, and any other children that they have.

As for the ideal gift for your Bro-in law's parents: Well, in the Indian scene this would be the preffered sequence according to affordability. 1. of course, gold. (Mostly jewelery for the woman) 2. Silver (a curio or God/ Godess idol) 3. Clothes. You could give any of these, but as you've guessed it would make more sense to come to India to buy these things. Unless you have a more interesting option that you can buy from Australia.

Kind of complicated but i hope i was of some help.

namnam · Mar 2nd, 2005, 13:05

Regarding clothes, indians change a couple of times during a wedding day. New outfit for every ceremony. Indian partydresses are much appreciated.
I just attended two weddings during my trip, one lasted 3 days one was 2 days.
Most visitors to the wedding had more lugage with all their dresses in them then we had for our 4 weeks trip. (male and female aswell as children )
We were wearing western party clothes. So some people kept on asking why not Indian party clothes, well we would have needed several for each wedding not leaving any room for anything else,

So if you are just going for the one wedding maybe you can do some clothes shopping there, take someone allong who can help you with picking out the right clothes.

Rowena1 · Mar 2nd, 2005, 14:29

Thank you both, that is very helpful.

Is there any small generic gift that would be welcomed by people that we meet along the way? I mean, people that aren't my sisters new in-laws but just people we might wish to thank....

I'm a woman - I'm my sister's youngest sister - so sounds like they won't be expecting much from me, but I'd like to take something just in case.

It sure sounds like a LOT of outfits to change into - did they do this in 'Monsoon Wedding'? (My only reference for Indian weddings). I think I'll try to buy things over there...we'll be taking our one year old son on this journey, so I'm hoping we can travel light...

namnam · Mar 2nd, 2005, 17:16

Maybe you can pick up something small typical australian from there?
We brought choclate and cheese (check how the weather is befor you leave

) , and typical dutch candy for the kids.
That way we could bring enough for all the kids, never shure how old they are
and what they like.

Yes, a lot of changing is going on during those weddings, really amazing

, I haven't seen monsoon wedding...

When we were there (last month, in kanpur near lucknow) it was cold at night,
(the actual wedding ceremony takes place during the night). It is handy to have a big woolen shawl to wrap yourself in. And ofcourse they change these shawls a couple of times, according to the dress. But they'll understand it that you're not carrying 12 diffrent shawls like the rest

It is handy and a fashion item.

But I'm shure they can advise you when you do some shopping there.

natasha chanda acharya · Mar 2nd, 2005, 18:00

Universal generic gift: chocolates! Go for it.

PRIYA · Mar 2nd, 2005, 18:36

You'll need about four "outfits". If you buy, make sure your "shawl" matches all your outfits - at least you'll save a few $$$. Be careful as far as cheese is concerned - they maybe "veggies" and some cheese contains non veggie stuff. You'll have a wonderful time, but will need a good rest after all the ceremonies - they're amazing.

namnam · Mar 2nd, 2005, 18:56

Uh, Oh, We always bring cheese because it is typical of our country, the Netherlands.
I'm not saying bring cheese, but bring something typical of your country, for instance as a gift for the brides I gave some delft blue china.
Think of something typical australian..
Except chocolates, they are universal.

Karma Queen · Mar 2nd, 2005, 19:38

the changes of clothes in indian weddings is crazy! during the one i went to the bride changed at least 3 times. really made me laugh, as the first sari she wore (for the church - it was a christian wedding) was so beautiful

Merchant · Mar 2nd, 2005, 20:36

"Monsoon Wedding" is a great primer. You'll have a blast.

Rowena1 · Mar 3rd, 2005, 09:04

Wedding gifts...one last question about PARENTS

Thanks everyone for your replies - sounds like I'll take some sweets and maybe something cute for kids, like those toy clip-on koalas.

ONe last question - my parents are anxious to know what is expected of them for the wedding. My sister has already been married in Australia (and they covered the expense). However, will our Indian in-laws be expecting a gift - financial or otherwise? Will my parents be involved in the wedding ceremonies?

We just want to do what is right....don't want to cause any offence!

Any advice here is welcome. The wedding is in Lucknow.

soulfood · Mar 3rd, 2005, 09:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merchant

"Monsoon Wedding" is a great primer. You'll have a blast.

Awesome movie....I recommend watching it too.

natasha chanda acharya · Mar 3rd, 2005, 10:20

oh, God, i dread attempting to answer that one.
the best thing to do is for your parents is to have a conversation with the groom's parents and ask what is expected of them. If not, at least ask the groom. It is perfectly normal to do that. And while they talk, ask them to sit with a pen and a paper and make a list. There are plenty of things the girls parents will be expected to do. There are so many small customs and rituals that you wouldn't know of. it's best to ask. However if the gromm's family are organising the wedding and say that the bride's family need not worry about anything, then the only thing that remains to be done is for your parents to buy gifts for the groom's family. Which means gifts for the parents, other siblings, aunts and uncles and cousins. And before you start thinking it is such a ripoff, don't worry, all of you (Bride's family) will also be recieving tons of gifts from their side.

Rowena1 · Mar 3rd, 2005, 11:51

Thanks Natash.ca - that does help, I know it is a tricky question to answer.
Any suggestions for what the gifts for extended family might be? Someone earlier - perhaps it was you? - suggested gold, silver or deities. Is this just for parents in law, or does it apply for family as well?

soulfood · Mar 3rd, 2005, 19:36

I don't know if you plan to buy gifts in India or carry them with you from Australia but the most common gift that's exchanged during Indian weddings is clothes. In fact, I'm in the middle of such shopping spree myself. My sis is soon getting married and we're buying loads and loads of clothes. From the groom's parents to their relatives to the goom himself -- everyone gets clothes. I just retuned after purchasing around 50 sets of women's suit fabric (salwar-kameez).

And yes, we did sit down to discuss the details such as in what number are these required and at which ceremony are they to be given.

Mar 2nd, 2005, 07:59	#1
Rowena1 Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 6	India - wedding gifts?? Hello! I am travelling to Lucknow from Australia in early June for my sister's wedding. (She lives here with her partner, they are going back for the wedding). I am travelling with my whole family including four children. I have so many questions. The first is: Should we take my brother-in-law's parents a gift? If so, what would be appropriate? Is there anything else I should know about Indian weddings? Clothes, behaviour etc etc. We are a regular Aussie family and need advice here!!! Thanks!

Mar 2nd, 2005, 14:29	#4
Rowena1 Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 6	Lots of wedding outfits! Heck! Thank you both, that is very helpful. Is there any small generic gift that would be welcomed by people that we meet along the way? I mean, people that aren't my sisters new in-laws but just people we might wish to thank.... I'm a woman - I'm my sister's youngest sister - so sounds like they won't be expecting much from me, but I'd like to take something just in case. It sure sounds like a LOT of outfits to change into - did they do this in 'Monsoon Wedding'? (My only reference for Indian weddings). I think I'll try to buy things over there...we'll be taking our one year old son on this journey, so I'm hoping we can travel light...

Mar 3rd, 2005, 09:04	#11
Rowena1 Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 6	Wedding gifts...one last question...about PARENTS Wedding gifts...one last question about PARENTS Thanks everyone for your replies - sounds like I'll take some sweets and maybe something cute for kids, like those toy clip-on koalas. ONe last question - my parents are anxious to know what is expected of them for the wedding. My sister has already been married in Australia (and they covered the expense). However, will our Indian in-laws be expecting a gift - financial or otherwise? Will my parents be involved in the wedding ceremonies? We just want to do what is right....don't want to cause any offence! Any advice here is welcome. The wedding is in Lucknow.

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Mar 2nd, 2005, 10:18	#2
natasha chanda acharya barefeet indian Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: India Posts: 566	Welcome to IM. If you can afford it, take gifts for everyone. Even people you don't know, haven't met, will never see again. But then again, if you don't no one will complain since your relationship with the family is such that people cannot make demands. Are you a man or a woman? If you are a man (the bride's brother) then the gift expectancy will go up. But if you are a woman (the bride's sister) then no one will expect much. According to me the ideal situation is: Just buy your sister and bro in law a wedding gift. Preferably ask them if they need something that you could buy for them. If you have money to spare, give it to your parents for expences towards the wedding. (assuming that they are hosting the marriage ceremony.) Of course, if you are buying gifts for your parents, then you might as well buy for you sister's in-laws too, and any other children that they have. As for the ideal gift for your Bro-in law's parents: Well, in the Indian scene this would be the preffered sequence according to affordability. 1. of course, gold. (Mostly jewelery for the woman) 2. Silver (a curio or God/ Godess idol) 3. Clothes. You could give any of these, but as you've guessed it would make more sense to come to India to buy these things. Unless you have a more interesting option that you can buy from Australia. Kind of complicated but i hope i was of some help.

Mar 2nd, 2005, 13:05	#3
namnam Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Amsterdam Posts: 6	Regarding clothes, indians change a couple of times during a wedding day. New outfit for every ceremony. Indian partydresses are much appreciated. I just attended two weddings during my trip, one lasted 3 days one was 2 days. Most visitors to the wedding had more lugage with all their dresses in them then we had for our 4 weeks trip. (male and female aswell as children ) We were wearing western party clothes. So some people kept on asking why not Indian party clothes, well we would have needed several for each wedding not leaving any room for anything else, So if you are just going for the one wedding maybe you can do some clothes shopping there, take someone allong who can help you with picking out the right clothes.

Mar 2nd, 2005, 17:16	#5
namnam Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Amsterdam Posts: 6	Maybe you can pick up something small typical australian from there? We brought choclate and cheese (check how the weather is befor you leave ) , and typical dutch candy for the kids. That way we could bring enough for all the kids, never shure how old they are and what they like. Yes, a lot of changing is going on during those weddings, really amazing , I haven't seen monsoon wedding... When we were there (last month, in kanpur near lucknow) it was cold at night, (the actual wedding ceremony takes place during the night). It is handy to have a big woolen shawl to wrap yourself in. And ofcourse they change these shawls a couple of times, according to the dress. But they'll understand it that you're not carrying 12 diffrent shawls like the rest It is handy and a fashion item. But I'm shure they can advise you when you do some shopping there.

Mar 2nd, 2005, 18:00	#6
natasha chanda acharya barefeet indian Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: India Posts: 566	Universal generic gift: chocolates! Go for it.

Mar 2nd, 2005, 18:36	#7
PRIYA Discombobulated Elsewherean! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: nether regions Posts: 1,125	You'll need about four "outfits". If you buy, make sure your "shawl" matches all your outfits - at least you'll save a few $$$. Be careful as far as cheese is concerned - they maybe "veggies" and some cheese contains non veggie stuff. You'll have a wonderful time, but will need a good rest after all the ceremonies - they're amazing.

Mar 2nd, 2005, 18:56	#8
namnam Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Amsterdam Posts: 6	Uh, Oh, We always bring cheese because it is typical of our country, the Netherlands. I'm not saying bring cheese, but bring something typical of your country, for instance as a gift for the brides I gave some delft blue china. Think of something typical australian.. Except chocolates, they are universal.

Mar 2nd, 2005, 19:38	#9
Karma Queen Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: England Posts: 365	the changes of clothes in indian weddings is crazy! during the one i went to the bride changed at least 3 times. really made me laugh, as the first sari she wore (for the church - it was a christian wedding) was so beautiful

Mar 2nd, 2005, 20:36	#10
Merchant Maha Guru Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: New York Posts: 2,096	"Monsoon Wedding" is a great primer. You'll have a blast.

Mar 3rd, 2005, 10:20	#13
natasha chanda acharya barefeet indian Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: India Posts: 566	oh, God, i dread attempting to answer that one. the best thing to do is for your parents is to have a conversation with the groom's parents and ask what is expected of them. If not, at least ask the groom. It is perfectly normal to do that. And while they talk, ask them to sit with a pen and a paper and make a list. There are plenty of things the girls parents will be expected to do. There are so many small customs and rituals that you wouldn't know of. it's best to ask. However if the gromm's family are organising the wedding and say that the bride's family need not worry about anything, then the only thing that remains to be done is for your parents to buy gifts for the groom's family. Which means gifts for the parents, other siblings, aunts and uncles and cousins. And before you start thinking it is such a ripoff, don't worry, all of you (Bride's family) will also be recieving tons of gifts from their side.

Mar 3rd, 2005, 11:51	#14
Rowena1 Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 6	Thanks Natash.ca - that does help, I know it is a tricky question to answer. Any suggestions for what the gifts for extended family might be? Someone earlier - perhaps it was you? - suggested gold, silver or deities. Is this just for parents in law, or does it apply for family as well?

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Mar 3rd, 2005, 19:36	#15
soulfood Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Delhi Posts: 467	I don't know if you plan to buy gifts in India or carry them with you from Australia but the most common gift that's exchanged during Indian weddings is clothes. In fact, I'm in the middle of such shopping spree myself. My sis is soon getting married and we're buying loads and loads of clothes. From the groom's parents to their relatives to the goom himself -- everyone gets clothes. I just retuned after purchasing around 50 sets of women's suit fabric (salwar-kameez). And yes, we did sit down to discuss the details such as in what number are these required and at which ceremony are they to be given.