Hindu wedding

Barbara Martyn · Jan 15th, 2007, 09:17

We are off to India in a few weeks. We will also be guests at a Hindu wedding. I have Googled "hindu weddings". Have any of you been to a wedding like this, and what do you know that you can tell me. All I know about is the various parts of the ceremony. Not what's expected of me as a guest. I'll take any help anyone has to offer. This is our first trip to India and I am GREEN, GREEN! Trying to avoid doing anything too embarrassing.

New-South-Welshman · Jan 15th, 2007, 09:22

I went to one in Lucknow, February 2004. Hindu Indian weddings are great fun, and whole whole procedure usually goes for a few
days. Usually they have a tilak, which is kind of like a bucks night, where all the men from all sides of the family attend.

This is usually a few nights before hand. But I guess you're going to the actually reception, and possibly the ceremony, at whatever time it might be held. Before the gathering, expect a street parade of all the groom sides men, filled with dancing, loud, mono music and just controlled mayhem. Parts of the wedding may be very boring at times, but it sure is an experience over all!

Barbara Martyn · Jan 15th, 2007, 09:26

New South Welshman, thank you. I have heard there is a ceremony where the bride gets her palms painted in henna. I gather it is a hen fest. Don't know if I will be able to attend that since I know the groom and "sit on the other side". I am assuming I will be attending the ceremony. The groom's aunt is taking me shopping for a sari to wear. None of my travel clothes would do. I am a very low key traveler.

New-South-Welshman · Jan 15th, 2007, 09:31

You'll have alot of fun. Doesn't matter whether it's a north or south Indian wedding. I think the family on the grooms side will cover you in cotton wool, and escort you specifically in and around the wedding, etc.

Hindu weddings are very colourful too. But as I said, do expect to be around for a while, that's if you are attending both the "Reception" and the actual puja for the wedding. The one I was at, happened at around 3am! I arrived at the venue at 6. So, it was quite a while. But I killed some time by joining the brides brother and his friends with a bottle of scotch.

Trust me, you'll never forget an Indian Hindu wedding.

Barbara Martyn · Jan 15th, 2007, 09:56

Re the Hindu wedding, what is a suitable wedding gift? I know this wedding is a one day wedding because the groom's father died last year. Otherwise it is a traditional wedding. It is arranged. The groom has met his fiancee once! And the wedding date was established by astrologers. It is a Tuesday. I have been told that February is the right month to get married, like June in the US for many. I'll know a lot more by the time I return from this trip. I will also be a lot older or younger, depending on the effect India has.

New-South-Welshman · Jan 15th, 2007, 10:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barbara Martyn

what is a suitable wedding gift?

You're asking a male.

All I got them couple was money. Rs. 5000 to be exact.

But I have no idea. Sorry.

Anyone?

Nick-H · Jan 15th, 2007, 10:04

Please tell us where the wedding is, and, if you can, something about the family.

I've been to three here this year, and they differed quite a lot from relatively poor to posh to very posh. I'm sure there were some bottles going around at the poor one (one could, err... observe the effects

) but not at the posh one, and most certainly not at the very orthodox very brahmin very posh one!

I don't think you will find any separation of bride's guests or groom's guests.

We attended all three days of the Brahmin affair, and time gets a bit twisted as the 'reception' came the day before the wedding!

The first evening was the mehendi do. This was for family and closer friends, and had speeches and performances from friends and relatives (not at all formal, though...). The ladies were all welcome to get their hands mehendi-ed: if your family do this, you'll be able to get yours done too. (nb... it gets darker for the first couple of days then begins to fade). The do was in a posh hotel and the food was great! Very informal, very social, and great fun.

The second do was the reception. This is the time for taking presents. The couple sit on thrones on the stage while everyone files past, giving gifts and presents. A bit boring. Lots of plain South Indian food.

The next day, starting early morning, was the religious ceremony. This will have started in the home, especially for Brahmin boys (I think that's when they get the third strand to their string).

There's a bit of play acting near the beginning: the groom says that the bride is late, he's fed up waiting, has given up the whole idea of the wedding and is going to be a hermit instead!

Then she turns up and her family does a spirited job of persuading him to stay.

Again... lots of food. Maybe a classical music concert if the family is that way inclined.

Goes on for hours. People come and go. Nobody minds... in fact the immediate family will be far too busy to notice!

...just a few reflections.

Nick-H · Jan 15th, 2007, 10:10

Suitable gift...

Yes, money is certainly acceptable. It can be a symbolic amount like Rs108. You can buy something religious, or something domestic. Much the same as any wedding!

There is no need to spend a lot.

docgirl2005 · Jan 15th, 2007, 11:17

As Nick said something domestic is the perfect gift.

My friend got married and my husband and I bought him a microwave.

My cousin got married and she recieved lots of silver things as gifts...like plates, cups, Tilak holder (for tumeric and sindhoor powder), decorative items galore.

Any big shop or silver shop will have tons of ideas for you.

Money is good of course, but I like to be more creative if I have the time to buy.

Nick is also right, people move about, come and go, eating, chatting, its very festive and colorful, families and kids running about. There is no solemnity to a Hindu wedding and dare I say while the chanting is very romantic in the slokas(chants) that the priest says..like "walking the seven steps together"...a Hindu wedding is not "romantic" in the western sense like a western Wedding might be. It's a big party for the families of bride and groom. The coming of two families.

At my wedding, I took sometime to fix my saree between ceremonies and I happened to glance outside the window...I saw my little cousins playing hop-scotch in their best wedding wear. It's a fun festive time. Dont worry there is little you can do to offend them as long as you dont dress inappropriately, refuse to eat when they offer you, or shove your feet in their face hehe. and thats just common sense...right? Hope you have a great time!

Nick-H · Jan 15th, 2007, 11:40

Quote:

My friend got married and my husband and I bought him a microwave.

Whoa! Wish we'd invited you to our wedding!!!!

just_an_old_boy · Jan 15th, 2007, 11:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick-H

Suitable gift...

Yes, money is certainly acceptable. It can be a symbolic amount like Rs108. You can buy something religious, or something domestic. Much the same as any wedding!

There is no need to spend a lot.

Nick,

It is difficult to apply a general rule to the wedding gifts.
First of all, is the said couple are going to stay in the joint family of the grooms parent? If yes, then domestic appliances etc. won't be much appreciated.
Symbolic amounts are a tricky things, what amount is suitable? Sadly, in India relatives have a tendency to compare gifts, "oh, brides sister gave this...lets look at what grooms uncle has gifted", so on and so forth.

Now, there is new trend, among us younger lot. We ask before hand. During my wedding my bunch of friends drew up a list and made sure that there was no duplicates.
On the other hands from my relatives side, I have 7 bone-china crokery sets and 5 fancy lamp shades, all of them alike, same brand, colour, design

.

docgirl2005 · Jan 15th, 2007, 11:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick-H

Whoa! Wish we'd invited you to our wedding!!!!

Hehe....

wish we could have been there too Nick!

Nick-H · Jan 15th, 2007, 11:49

So you'll be sending the microwave?

Good points, 'Old_Boy... I remember also now being told by Mrs N (seeing people buying vast amounts of stuff in vessels shops) that the bride's family is expected to set the couple up with the basics.

Barbara Martyn · Jan 15th, 2007, 12:43

I read somewhere that if one gives money as a wedding gift, it should end in 1, as in 101, 5001, 1001. Can anyone comment on this?

Barbara Martyn · Jan 15th, 2007, 12:49

Nick-H, I forgot to mention the wedding is in Chandigarh. I don't know very much about the family. I am talking to the groom, who lives with his mother and younger brother in a small house. His father, who died last year, was a businessman. The groom says he has a Master's Degree and the bride has a business education. The bride will be moving in with her new husband, mother-in-law and brother-in-law. They have a lot of relatives. Maybe that helps as info.

Jan 15th, 2007, 09:17	#1
Barbara Martyn tuxie Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Washington, USA Posts: 111	Hindu wedding We are off to India in a few weeks. We will also be guests at a Hindu wedding. I have Googled "hindu weddings". Have any of you been to a wedding like this, and what do you know that you can tell me. All I know about is the various parts of the ceremony. Not what's expected of me as a guest. I'll take any help anyone has to offer. This is our first trip to India and I am GREEN, GREEN! Trying to avoid doing anything too embarrassing.

Jan 15th, 2007, 09:22	#2
New-South-Welshman Drunk Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Sydney, NSW Posts: 1,313	I went to one in Lucknow, February 2004. Hindu Indian weddings are great fun, and whole whole procedure usually goes for a few days. Usually they have a tilak, which is kind of like a bucks night, where all the men from all sides of the family attend. This is usually a few nights before hand. But I guess you're going to the actually reception, and possibly the ceremony, at whatever time it might be held. Before the gathering, expect a street parade of all the groom sides men, filled with dancing, loud, mono music and just controlled mayhem. Parts of the wedding may be very boring at times, but it sure is an experience over all! __________________ Mr. Burns "Non-violence never solved anything!"

Jan 15th, 2007, 10:04	#7
Nick-H Loud-mouthed, Noisy Bird Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 25,831	Please tell us where the wedding is, and, if you can, something about the family. I've been to three here this year, and they differed quite a lot from relatively poor to posh to very posh. I'm sure there were some bottles going around at the poor one (one could, err... observe the effects ) but not at the posh one, and most certainly not at the very orthodox very brahmin very posh one! I don't think you will find any separation of bride's guests or groom's guests. We attended all three days of the Brahmin affair, and time gets a bit twisted as the 'reception' came the day before the wedding! The first evening was the mehendi do. This was for family and closer friends, and had speeches and performances from friends and relatives (not at all formal, though...). The ladies were all welcome to get their hands mehendi-ed: if your family do this, you'll be able to get yours done too. (nb... it gets darker for the first couple of days then begins to fade). The do was in a posh hotel and the food was great! Very informal, very social, and great fun. The second do was the reception. This is the time for taking presents. The couple sit on thrones on the stage while everyone files past, giving gifts and presents. A bit boring. Lots of plain South Indian food. The next day, starting early morning, was the religious ceremony. This will have started in the home, especially for Brahmin boys (I think that's when they get the third strand to their string). There's a bit of play acting near the beginning: the groom says that the bride is late, he's fed up waiting, has given up the whole idea of the wedding and is going to be a hermit instead! Then she turns up and her family does a spirited job of persuading him to stay. Again... lots of food. Maybe a classical music concert if the family is that way inclined. Goes on for hours. People come and go. Nobody minds... in fact the immediate family will be far too busy to notice! ...just a few reflections. __________________ . Just one member of the IndiaMike Mod Team

Jan 15th, 2007, 12:43	#14
Barbara Martyn tuxie Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Washington, USA Posts: 111	Hindu wedding I read somewhere that if one gives money as a wedding gift, it should end in 1, as in 101, 5001, 1001. Can anyone comment on this?

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Jan 15th, 2007, 09:26	#3
Barbara Martyn tuxie Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Washington, USA Posts: 111	New South Welshman, thank you. I have heard there is a ceremony where the bride gets her palms painted in henna. I gather it is a hen fest. Don't know if I will be able to attend that since I know the groom and "sit on the other side". I am assuming I will be attending the ceremony. The groom's aunt is taking me shopping for a sari to wear. None of my travel clothes would do. I am a very low key traveler.

Jan 15th, 2007, 09:31	#4
New-South-Welshman Drunk Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Sydney, NSW Posts: 1,313	You'll have alot of fun. Doesn't matter whether it's a north or south Indian wedding. I think the family on the grooms side will cover you in cotton wool, and escort you specifically in and around the wedding, etc. Hindu weddings are very colourful too. But as I said, do expect to be around for a while, that's if you are attending both the "Reception" and the actual puja for the wedding. The one I was at, happened at around 3am! I arrived at the venue at 6. So, it was quite a while. But I killed some time by joining the brides brother and his friends with a bottle of scotch. Trust me, you'll never forget an Indian Hindu wedding.

Jan 15th, 2007, 09:56	#5
Barbara Martyn tuxie Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Washington, USA Posts: 111	Re the Hindu wedding, what is a suitable wedding gift? I know this wedding is a one day wedding because the groom's father died last year. Otherwise it is a traditional wedding. It is arranged. The groom has met his fiancee once! And the wedding date was established by astrologers. It is a Tuesday. I have been told that February is the right month to get married, like June in the US for many. I'll know a lot more by the time I return from this trip. I will also be a lot older or younger, depending on the effect India has.

Jan 15th, 2007, 10:10	#8
Nick-H Loud-mouthed, Noisy Bird Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 25,831	Suitable gift... Yes, money is certainly acceptable. It can be a symbolic amount like Rs108. You can buy something religious, or something domestic. Much the same as any wedding! There is no need to spend a lot.

Jan 15th, 2007, 11:17	#9
docgirl2005 Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: usa Posts: 443	As Nick said something domestic is the perfect gift. My friend got married and my husband and I bought him a microwave. My cousin got married and she recieved lots of silver things as gifts...like plates, cups, Tilak holder (for tumeric and sindhoor powder), decorative items galore. Any big shop or silver shop will have tons of ideas for you. Money is good of course, but I like to be more creative if I have the time to buy. Nick is also right, people move about, come and go, eating, chatting, its very festive and colorful, families and kids running about. There is no solemnity to a Hindu wedding and dare I say while the chanting is very romantic in the slokas(chants) that the priest says..like "walking the seven steps together"...a Hindu wedding is not "romantic" in the western sense like a western Wedding might be. It's a big party for the families of bride and groom. The coming of two families. At my wedding, I took sometime to fix my saree between ceremonies and I happened to glance outside the window...I saw my little cousins playing hop-scotch in their best wedding wear. It's a fun festive time. Dont worry there is little you can do to offend them as long as you dont dress inappropriately, refuse to eat when they offer you, or shove your feet in their face hehe. and thats just common sense...right? Hope you have a great time!

Jan 15th, 2007, 11:49	#13
Nick-H Loud-mouthed, Noisy Bird Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 25,831	So you'll be sending the microwave? Good points, 'Old_Boy... I remember also now being told by Mrs N (seeing people buying vast amounts of stuff in vessels shops) that the bride's family is expected to set the couple up with the basics.

Jan 15th, 2007, 12:49	#15
Barbara Martyn tuxie Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Washington, USA Posts: 111	Nick-H, I forgot to mention the wedding is in Chandigarh. I don't know very much about the family. I am talking to the groom, who lives with his mother and younger brother in a small house. His father, who died last year, was a businessman. The groom says he has a Master's Degree and the bride has a business education. The bride will be moving in with her new husband, mother-in-law and brother-in-law. They have a lot of relatives. Maybe that helps as info.

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