Hindu wedding etiquette?

Hi people,

I have been invited to my first wedding and I have loads of questions!

What is expected of a guest at a Hindu wedding? What do I wear? What gift is appropriate? Any dos or don'ts? What can I expect to happen throughout the day? It starts at 7.30am...

Gertie

Before going further on any advice, a couple of quick questions-
- Are you attending from the Bride’s or the Groom’s side?
- Is it a South Indian wedding?
- Are you a live-in guest?

Hi Amyth,

Yep, its a South India wedding.
This is embarrassing to say - I don't actually know the couple! My driver handed me the invitation as it is his family, but I'm not sure which side is his. The invitation is all in Tamil...
I am not a live-in guest.

Gertie

Quite a lot of variety... I've been to a Hindu wedding were quite a lot of men guests were rolling around drunk to heavy film music. One of them accidentally sat on Mrs N: you should have seen her face!

I've also sat next to a prince, in Chennai's most exclusive wedding hall, while a well-known classical musician played as his present to the bride.

So, this being India, you should perhaps be prepared for anything!!!! For the second of my two examples, we went to three different functions over three days.

If I remember rightly, this was:
--- The engagement, a family and close friends affair, family speaches, lots of the highest, most expensive fashionable clothes, painting of female hands with mehendi, and lots of fun

--- The Reception (oddly, but logistically easier, this one was held before the wedding)... I don't remember much about

--- The Marriage... starting early in the morning.

This wedding was between two orthodox Brahmin families (although, oddly, one Ayer and one Iyengar) and any alcohol that may have been available was strictly invisible.

What's required.... not a lot, really. Be there. Hang around. Watch. Chat. Eye-up potential partners for self/children/cousins as appropriate

There is a point in the ceremony where you will take some rice. Later you will have the chance to fling this at the couple. Also there is some cloth that will come round that you should touch in blessing.

Hey! I've attended the religious ceremony part, ummm, two, maybe three times? The native members of IM may have been to dozens!

The gift can be anything from a symbolic Rs.101 to something really expensive/useful...

It is quite normal to be invited to a wedding where you dont know the couple or even the person inviting you on behalf of the couple very well. In India if your sibling is getting married you are expected to invite your (yes your not the person getting married) office colleagues to the wedding.

But who am i to say it happens in India.

yesterday i got invited here in England to a church wedding from someone who lives in our street and to whom i have spoken to maybe 3-4 times in the last 4 years. It is an invitation to his daughters wedding and the daughter does not even live here and i have never even seen her. The couple are English although the mother is Colombian so maybe thats where the invitation has come from.

To digress slightly.......Why is it always an odd number when gifting money?

Really? Is India where the tradition came from? Throwing rice at a wedding is a typical thing at a western wedding (at least in the movies). I assume it was once a normal practice, but I have never actually seen it in real life.

Okie.. South Indian weddings are much simpler than the ones conducted in North, so here you have saved a chance to dance on road, behind the Groom-on- the- Horse, amidst the cacophony of traffic and the orchestra...

Carry your smile and be ready with a namaste if somebody wishes you...so what if he/she is a stranger...

In conservative families it's always better to dress up in their style, so wear a saree (if you can) or a salwaar –kameez would do, unless you want to invite some uncomfy attention...

Gift- Anything useful or money would do, depending on how close they are, hand it over during the reception or soon after the Mahurat (time of solemnization)

Wait for instructions before doing anything on the wedding-dais (if puja is going on, remove your footwear on the dais), if in doubt it’s always better to ask. Normally one is expected to bless the couple by showering a little rice on their heads, better follow the other guests.

Stick around with someone who can explain the proceedings to you, as every moment of the wedding ceremony has a tale to tell, right from rice-showers to circumambulating the fire... It can be quite an enlightening experience!

Enjoy the wedding!

Hindu weddings are normally open house party sessions so feel comfortable to attend it.

First things: While you enter the hall there will be someone to welcome you sprinkling you with essensed water. If you havent met them before just smile and do a namasthe and then grab a seat inside [preferably not near a loud speaker lol]
Dress: formal or any decent looking clothes.
Footwear: Best to leave them outside the hall or in the car.
Gifts: Anything which is useful at home or can be kept in a showcase or cash in an envelope.
Food: That is the most important part for guests...feel free to stuff yourself nicely.

This rice chucking part.

its not just any rice, its usually coloured red and yellow

dont chuck it all at once. there are various times to chuck a little so take your cue from others.

The best part is you dont have to really chuck it at the couple. you could aim it at anyone....atleast we did when we were young...ah what fun.

Most important thing about weddings. females are judged by the amount of jewellrey they wear. so beg borrow or steal.

IMers are a font of knowledge!!

Thanks so much for the tips. I have a sari to wear, and some safety pins for, well, safety!

As I don't know the couple at all, I think I'll just take some money as a gift - what is an appropriate amount?

Jewellry? Oh god, I have to accessorize as well as wear a sari?! For a girl who lives in jeans and trainers this is not going to be easy!

You just have to land up there in your best clothes, and have break fast or lunch definitely.

Gift is not cumpulsory.

Not your delicate 9 carat gold jewellery. It has to be a chunky 22 carat bling variety and dollops of it. You will see what i mean when you enter the wedding hall.

I guess you can make it Rs.251, Rs.501 OR Rs.1100.

if you are from the brides side make sure you give on the higher side.

Anyways being a westerner you would have a huge status there so gift acordingly..