Help! Indian mothers-in-law!

Mirjam

You probably heard them: the stories of young women who have a hard time dealing with their mother-in-law. I am searching for those stories! Have you read a novel in which the position of the mother-in-law is prominent? Seen a film? Hindi movie? Even if the presented picture is very much a cliché, I'd like to hear it!

Mirjam

chappal

Hi Mirjam, I happen to be in India now with limited internet access and am staying with my mother-in-law. It's awful: She makes me eat 3 meals everyday and will not take "madi" (enough!) for an answer. Just when I think I cannot eat another idli, there is a steaming one right on my plate, tempting me into stomach pain. It is torture! On top of this she will not let me near the washing machine, because even though she was given one, she likes to hand wash everything herself. I have trouble sleeping in in the morning because she is up at 6 oclock doing housework and cooking. Then there is the constant chatter about her son -- well fortunately I agree he is great!

soulfood

Though I have a ten-word Kannada vocab, I lived in Bangalore for three years and am quite sure that "madi" doesn't mean enough. It's actually means 'do'! It's often used with English as in, "Swalpa adjust madi" (just adjust a little).

So your mom in law might be taking "madi" as an affermative. "Yes, please!"

Teli ka Mandir

my mother in law drove me crazy when i first met her, it was really the cultural difference of course, wasn't used to people commenting on appearances so frankly, "why do you have spots on your chin?" or "you must wear more jewelry! how can you wear silver?" (to a wedding).when i was pregnant-you must drink this and this and eat this and this....wasn't used to someone wondering so much about "me"
guess i got lucky becasue now i consider her a great friend, she 's a great person and when you get to know someone whose has such a different perspective you feel somewhat enlightened...though i do remeber how nice it was to bitch to a fellow american about what i was going thru at times

chappal

LOL, I will ask her if she's been studying Kannada lately. She speaks Malayalam, and I was being somewhat facetious. At functions and get togethers, she defends me from the giant mala (mountain) of rice, etc.

chappal

LOL, you should've seen DH's grandmother staring at my freckles. Finally, Amma explained to her that they were perfectly healthy, but I think a long time ago, she may have asked me about them too.

Mirjam

Thanks. nice to read your reactions! And what about books, novels, films, with the 'images' of the (traditional) mother-in-law? Any you remember, liked, hated?

Mirjam

Nick-H

Actually, I'm looking for an Indian Mother-in-Law

beach

It depends. Almost all the movies novels etc with a family theme has a mother in law. What is meant by ‘traditional’ mother-in-law? The negative character or the positive (or rather normal).

My understanding is that all mother in laws are normal people like any one in a family. Usually the elder female folks are more influential than the male inside the family. They have strong opinions. In that case mother, mother in law and all other older ‘aunties’ are the same.

And if you are looking for the ‘bride burning’ kind of stories, newspapers and other crime related resources are the best source.

These mothers in laws are given a larger than life aura. I don’t know why. They are not some special creatures. After all they have been a daughter, a wife, a mother, a mother in law, a grand mother etc too.

(yeh I agree to that fact. All my friends grin at each there when they say that they’ve just received a call from mother in law. Yes, that is right, no body makes a call to mother in law. Usually the calls are received. Of course this is a male perspective. In a lot of families it’s common to have a mothering law – daughter in law ‘nexus’ to keep an eye on the poor chap)

Mirjam

No, I am not specifically looking for bride-burning mother's in law (this interest has nothing to do with my work for our foundation!), although the fact that many victims have been set ablaze by their own mother in law (with the help of others), is striking precisely because these offenders have been daugters and brides as well... Psychologically very interesting.

But my interest at the moment is more general, searching for cliché images in films and/or novels, ways of portraying the 'traditional' mother in law as well as real life stories lika Chappel's....

thanks,
Mirjam

Digital Drifter

Nick, you don't give up easily, do you? You have been hunting the sunday matrimonials, posted on the matrimony websites, talked to people and even posted in indiamike. nothing seems to work. Hmmm... I wonder. :-)

Keep trying, it is a /worthy/ goal of & by itself. Just remember the 2 basic rules of life

a) you can't choose your parents.
b) you can't choose your in-laws.

In your case, you seem to be hell-bent on proving (b) wrong!

Layman

Look for the Anil Kapoor movie 'Beta' (meaning son). It deals with an evil step-mother and her relations with her devoted rustic step-son and city-wise daughter-in-law. It is a remake of a Tamil movie of K Bhagyaraj - I forget the name.

radz

Mirjam:
Do u get Indian Star TV in ur place? I think through net you can watch too.If possible have a look evening &night program,you will really good idea.
ALL BIG PREACHING FROM MIL stories .


Digital Drifter:
"a) you can't choose your parents." this is ok

"b) you can't choose your in-laws.
"

option b how come ,??!!!!

Radz.

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dani

Mirjam, may I ask what you need these stories for?
I'm just curious..

soulfood

This reminded me of the mother in law in the movie Flavors. People -- everybody, you HAVE to watch this one, if you haven't already. It's better than Hyderabad Blues. It's a story of a bunch of techies in the silicon valley...one of them who's getting married to an American girl is visited by his parents. The scene in which the mom in law talks with the girl is worth the price of the movie.

Then, there's a lovestruck guy who gets laid off. There's a housewife who spends all the day at home watching TV soaps. A long distance east coast west coast relationship. Plus, a lot more. It's HILARIOUS stuff.

The best part is, there's no overblown, exaggerated characterisation -- all characters are very very real. If you've known even a few Indians, you'll recognise them in the movie.

Check out the trailer here http://flavorsthemovie.com/trailers.htm