cross cultural relationships

katyrafi · Oct 14th, 2005, 15:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ravibagal

I have many Indian friends who have married white females including my brother. Most of their marriages broke up after 10-12 years as the white females tend to age very badly and the Indian guys seem to have no problem getting younger women or have no problem cheating on their spouses. .

How incredibly shallow! And sad. Are you sure that's why these marriages ended? Indian women do age well, granted but a proportion of ALL marriages end because the man cheats, nothing to do with race, that's just life in the modern world where everybody seems to think the grass is greener ____________> over there.

There really is no hope for me then as an already ancient (40) white woman!!!! Ah well, I sleep sound in my bed with my gorgeous (younger) husband.

kohinoor · Oct 14th, 2005, 15:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ravibagal

I have many Indian friends who have married white females including my brother. Most of their marriages broke up after 10-12 years as the white females tend to age very badly and the Indian guys seem to have no problem getting younger women or have no problem cheating on their spouses. I think most Indians or Asians in general do not age as badly as the caucasians. A 30 year old Caucasian woman looks like 50+ when compared to an Asian or an Indian. Most guys do not want to look like he's with Grandma. Sad but true...looks do matter. Many Indians marry white females for either a Passport or to show off but after a while they get tired of the relationship for different reasons.

Heavy statements you wrote.

I have wondered why an Indian male so wants to rush to marry.
He is afraid of loosing the white female.
He says he loves her so much that he'd die for his love.

And he says he has no respect for people who divorce.

Are these those typical lines of men who marry for passport, money or to show off?

Oct 14th, 2005, 16:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by SHIMLA

Ditto !

And avoid the personal remarks too.

Sorry about that...

ddevadatta · Oct 14th, 2005, 16:24

Strangely enough this is the first time I have seen this thread. I am of Indian origin and have been married to a white woman for 17 years. We have two beautiful children, aged 12 & 8.

Inter-cultural relationships have both tremendous promises and pitfalls. Ecah situtaion would be different I suppose but for us it is the broader family that becomes the greatest challenge. Mono-cultural family members do not see the issues in the same way and so the issue of support (which everyone needs) does become a majore obstacle.

But if there is any hope for such a unique (by this I mean different) then it should be us. If we survived and even thrived (not always) for 17 years anyone else can.

cyberhippie · Oct 14th, 2005, 16:29

Ahhh a bit of real life insight, nice one DD

Ravibagal · Oct 14th, 2005, 16:49

I have wondered why an Indian male so wants to rush to marry.<<
In many cases he will propose on the first date or sooner and profess his undying love for you. This is because to him he has hit the jackpot and these opportunities do not come always.

He is afraid of losing the white female.
He says he loves her so much that he'd die for his love.<
Do these lines sound familiar?? in the Bollywood films perhaps.

Are these those typical lines of men who marry for passport, money or to show off?<
Let me be honese with you as an Indian born, bred and living in India..Every or almost every Indian dreams of immigrating from a young age. If they know their options are limited some of them will use any means to get out of the country. This is common with males and females. I am not trying to put down my own race here but I am being honest. My POV is that of a 100% middle class Indian guy living in India so please do not misunderstand me. I do travel abroad a lot with work but I am still 100% local Indian.

ddevadatta · Oct 14th, 2005, 17:29

Quote:

Ahhh a bit of real life insight, nice one DD

I see why you said this cyber H. Taken the time to go back and read other postings. Glad I posted mine before I went back and read some of the comments

1. White women do age well, at least my own white spouse has. The honest truth is that I haven't aged well as an Indian man. I am getting bald, a pot belly and for heaven's sake let's not talk about my failing memory.

2. While some (even many) might have shady motivations I think marriage (if we are talking about that) should be taken more seriously by both. Trust me inter-cultural marriages carry far greater and deeper stresses than mono-cultural ones. Naivite or wishful thinking is this area is surely not a virtue here.

3. More seriously if anyone is in a "troubled" intercultural relationship let me offer my own openess if you feel the need to contact an outsider. I say this because that was something we found so difficult to find over the 17 years. Just e-mail me.

Signing off as an old fart............

katyrafi · Oct 14th, 2005, 17:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by ddevadatta

Inter-cultural relationships have both tremendous promises and pitfalls.

I couldn't agree more DD. It isn't always easy and sometimes made harder by other people's assumptions about one's motivations and prospects. In my case many of my husband's acquaintances (not the good friends as they know the reality) assume he's married me for money and a ticket; his family values are very different from mine and the learning curve for me (at the moment as we are in India) is very steep and challenging. His family assume I have an never-ending supply of money (simply because i am white) and not being able to help them financially as much as I would wish is a constant emotional drain for me.

What I have discovered so far is the strength of the family unit here. My mother loves me very dearly of course but she has never had to beg for food on my behalf as my husband's mother has - that kind of relationship is phenomenally strong and supportive.

Also, it has been said here both that Indian men stray easily or that they believe in the union of marriage more than westerners - I don't know which is more true but in my limited experience it is the latter in the majority of cases.

I'm sure there is an element of truth in the feeling that once an Indian man finds a western woman he must hold onto her for dear life as it fulfils a long held dream of escape from poverty but if that desire is subjugated to feelings of true love, respect and trust, surely that relationship is an honest one.

Just my ponderings on a difficult and thought provoking thread ...

Oct 14th, 2005, 17:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ravibagal

I have wondered why an Indian male so wants to rush to marry.<<
In many cases he will propose on the first date or sooner and profess his undying love for you. This is because to him he has hit the jackpot and these opportunities do not come always.

He is afraid of losing the white female.
He says he loves her so much that he'd die for his love.<
Do these lines sound familiar?? in the Bollywood films perhaps.

Are these those typical lines of men who marry for passport, money or to show off?<
Let me be honese with you as an Indian born, bred and living in India..Every or almost every Indian dreams of immigrating from a young age. If they know their options are limited some of them will use any means to get out of the country. This is common with males and females. I am not trying to put down my own race here but I am being honest. My POV is that of a 100% middle class Indian guy living in India so please do not misunderstand me. I do travel abroad a lot with work but I am still 100% local Indian.

Wiser words have not been spoken! That really is the Indian mentality in a nutshell.

And to add further to it: Indians have developed a truly mind-boggling arsenal of tactics to not only deny that this is how they actually think, but even to come across as quite the opposite. Unless one is Indian and has grown up amidst this culture, one can never truly understand it. To an outsider, the show the typical Indian puts on comes across as genuine.

Aparajith · Oct 14th, 2005, 18:09

Hi Ravibagal,
I understand that some middle class young people want to immigrate and escape from this country. But this might not hold true for the majority I guess. I grew up with friends who did not wish to immigrate to other countries. Atmost some had the idea of earning a decent bit and getting back (that is in 5 yrs).

But for the dream of immigration from young age I do not think they would use marriage to a person of different country as an excuse. Or may be I have not heard or seen such case personally.
Cheers

Nick-H · Oct 14th, 2005, 18:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ravibagal

I have many Indian friends who have married white females including my brother. Most of their marriages broke up after 10-12 years as the white females tend to age very badly and the Indian guys seem to have no problem getting younger women or have no problem cheating on their spouses. I think most Indians or Asians in general do not age as badly as the caucasians. A 30 year old Caucasian woman looks like 50+ when compared to an Asian or an Indian. Most guys do not want to look like he's with Grandma. Sad but true...looks do matter. Many Indians marry white females for either a Passport or to show off but after a while they get tired of the relationship for different reasons.

Oh good grief, if these guys are so shallow that they cannot, in more than a decade, form a relationship strong enough to survive a little loss of looks, then more fool the women who married them in the first place!

agni5454 · Oct 14th, 2005, 20:43

do these rules apply to Indian men/women who are PIOs? I mean what is their motivation for going "cross-cultural"? Obviously, its not visa, or a ticket out of India as they are already out of India. What is their motivation then?

hey_namaste · Oct 14th, 2005, 21:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ravibagal

I have many Indian friends who have married white females including my brother. Most of their marriages broke up after 10-12 years as the white females tend to age very badly and the Indian guys seem to have no problem getting younger women or have no problem cheating on their spouses. I think most Indians or Asians in general do not age as badly as the caucasians. A 30 year old Caucasian woman looks like 50+ when compared to an Asian or an Indian. Most guys do not want to look like he's with Grandma. Sad but true...looks do matter. Many Indians marry white females for either a Passport or to show off but after a while they get tired of the relationship for different reasons.

wow...as a caucasian, i do agree that we dont age as well (i mean, white skin's like a white cloth or something....it shows every flaw and blemish)...
but i must say this post makes me sad....

i'm of the "till death do us part" idea of marriage...hopefully not the "till one of us gets ugly" issue won't arise.
thanks for your honesty though.

agni5454 · Oct 14th, 2005, 21:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ravibagal
I have many Indian friends who have married white females including my brother. Most of their marriages broke up after 10-12 years as the white females tend to age very badly and the Indian guys seem to have no problem getting younger women or have no problem cheating on their spouses. I think most Indians or Asians in general do not age as badly as the caucasians. A 30 year old Caucasian woman looks like 50+ when compared to an Asian or an Indian. Most guys do not want to look like he's with Grandma. Sad but true...looks do matter. Many Indians marry white females for either a Passport or to show off but after a while they get tired of the relationship for different reasons.

thats not true. very arrogant/stereotyped statement.

lotus blossom · Oct 14th, 2005, 21:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick-H

Oh good grief, if these guys are so shallow that they cannot, in more than a decade, form a relationship strong enough to survive a little loss of looks, then more fool the women who married them in the first place!

thanks nick-h. how shallow indeed! this whole thread smacks of shallow. how disappointing.

Oct 14th, 2005, 16:24	#64
ddevadatta Finger Licking Good Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 907	My two cents Strangely enough this is the first time I have seen this thread. I am of Indian origin and have been married to a white woman for 17 years. We have two beautiful children, aged 12 & 8. Inter-cultural relationships have both tremendous promises and pitfalls. Ecah situtaion would be different I suppose but for us it is the broader family that becomes the greatest challenge. Mono-cultural family members do not see the issues in the same way and so the issue of support (which everyone needs) does become a majore obstacle. But if there is any hope for such a unique (by this I mean different) then it should be us. If we survived and even thrived (not always) for 17 years anyone else can. __________________ Ayurvedic cure for an Indian headache

Oct 14th, 2005, 18:09	#70
Aparajith Wandering inside myself Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Bangalore Posts: 79	Do we want to immigrate from young age ? Hi Ravibagal, I understand that some middle class young people want to immigrate and escape from this country. But this might not hold true for the majority I guess. I grew up with friends who did not wish to immigrate to other countries. Atmost some had the idea of earning a decent bit and getting back (that is in 5 yrs). But for the dream of immigration from young age I do not think they would use marriage to a person of different country as an excuse. Or may be I have not heard or seen such case personally. Cheers

Oct 14th, 2005, 20:43	#72
agni5454 Mr. 200 ...and counting. Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: PA, US Posts: 538	do these rules apply to Indian men/women who are PIOs? I mean what is their motivation for going "cross-cultural"? Obviously, its not visa, or a ticket out of India as they are already out of India. What is their motivation then? __________________ "Human Life without happiness or hope of happiness is not a life, but rather a death in life" - David Swenson The Dignity of Human Life "History is always a perspective; but numbers never lie"

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Oct 14th, 2005, 16:29	#65
cyberhippie Account Closed by User's Request Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: the Netherlands Posts: 6,012	Ahhh a bit of real life insight, nice one DD

Oct 14th, 2005, 16:49	#66
Ravibagal Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: India Posts: 83	I have wondered why an Indian male so wants to rush to marry.<< In many cases he will propose on the first date or sooner and profess his undying love for you. This is because to him he has hit the jackpot and these opportunities do not come always. He is afraid of losing the white female. He says he loves her so much that he'd die for his love.< Do these lines sound familiar?? in the Bollywood films perhaps. Are these those typical lines of men who marry for passport, money or to show off?< Let me be honese with you as an Indian born, bred and living in India..Every or almost every Indian dreams of immigrating from a young age. If they know their options are limited some of them will use any means to get out of the country. This is common with males and females. I am not trying to put down my own race here but I am being honest. My POV is that of a 100% middle class Indian guy living in India so please do not misunderstand me. I do travel abroad a lot with work but I am still 100% local Indian.

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