cross cultural relationships

Sama

oh my god, here we go....

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My India, 2005-2008

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Merchant

Yeah, every Indian woman I've ever met is the very definition of submissive. LOL!

hey_namaste

wow. this isn't exactly the conversation i had in mind when i started this thread, but it's interesting none the less.

in the case of me and my guy, we met in the US in grad school, we're bestfriends for a couple years, then fell in love.

i hadn't really thought about the insecurity theory...i don't really think the insecurity thing was an issue with us...i love my culture, and i love his...i was that girl who was the homecoming queen, etc... but i'm also a traveler.
i love him, not cuz i don't get along with men in my own culture, but becuz he's one of the most wonderful people i've ever met....and i love indian culture, not cuz i am a misfit in my own, but becuz it's beautiful and lively and colorful!

i definitely would have to agree though that the whole insecurity thing may be a root cause for many cross cultural relationships...we've all seen it...but certainly not all.

but speaking from the perspective of an american girl, i would say that and overall quality in indian men that might appeal to some western women is that they're less likely to play games. in that i mean that they are more likely to take a relationship seriously. haha, i dunno.

ruins_explorer

Some of my female friends have developed a penchant for Asian men. The Chinese men of my acquaintance have been benefiting greatly from this.

ruins_explorer

[quote=Duryodhan]
Your point about there being whites who genuinely like non-whites on an equal level is valid. I'm sure they exist...somewhere. But compared to the norm they are so unbelievably rare, I guess in statistics we'd call them outliers and neglect them because they have no effect on the big picture.
[\QUOTE]

That's what you think all white people are like - that they think everyone with a different color skin is less than them? I think your experience is limited. It's a type of racism in itself.

dzibead

Yeah, it exits. It's called the San Francisco Bay Area. But I guess your point is partly right, because we're considered a bunch of weirdos in many other parts of the country.

ruins_explorer

Duh, I forgot I was from that other wacko area - Massachusetts.

Still, I'm not willing to believe that everyone else is a racist.

claurianta

I am a Western man and I will openly admit that in a relationship, I am looking for what in India would be called "homely"- someone who WANTS to stay at home. This because I eventually want to have a family and would want a stay-at-home mother for them that is caring and gentle and enjoys being at home - I wouldn't want to force someone who doesn't want to be at home to do so. However, to complete the picture I wouldn't want someone who is submissive, because I actually find that rather irritating, as submissive women often have a problem expressing their thoughts and feelings. So in sum a strong, but also very family oriented woman.
Now, I don't care where this woman comes from, but I must admit that I am more likely to find her outside my own (Western) culture than in it. So my gaze is oriented eastward but if it happens to be someone from home, so be it.

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crvlvr

Its not about girls or guys.. I think immigrants, especially their children, are little more insecure. a lot of the american born indians are trying to be either black or white.. i think its something to do with not being fully assimilated when growing up (especially in smaller towns) and having to deal with the double standards -- immigrant parents vs society.

bijapuri

a word to all-
if you're addicted to India, make sure your partner fully understands that before anything serious happens. I mean really gets it, not just says they do.
and also, as many of us older know- "those who indulge eventually bulge!"

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katyrafi

Whites and non-whites - good God for a moment there I was taken back to a place in history about 1939 when non-whites and Jews had to wear badges to identify themselves in preparation for torture. It's 2005 folks, people move all over the world for jobs, travel, whatever and maybe along the way they meet someone and fall in love ..... and that person happens to be from a different culture, maybe even a different colour. So what!! Most of the Asians living in Britain today actually prefer to call themselves British and are second-generation Indians, as an example.

I do admit that I have seen many so-called cross-cultural marriages go sour very quickly - but that's not often because of the culture/colour clash - more likely that either the Indian male married a western woman for her money and/or to provide an escape route out of India or, conversely the Indian male married a Western woman to secure himself dinner on the table every night. False motivations and expectations in a marriage will lead to failure whatever the colour of the pair (in my humble opinion).

I am a white woman who is far from submissive and has done the breaking through the glass ceiling in industry bit and now much prefers to stay at home. I am married to an Indian Muslim who does like his dinner on the table but is actaully an extremely good cook and cares not a jot for my money or the colour of my skin.

We are lucky, we have found our mutual Zahirs (what a brilliant book that is). I am lucky in that I came to India by accident (or was it design/fate?) not to find love but to take a break from the crazy western world I was living in .....

As Bhuttaji puts it "I may sound like a hopeless romantic but to hell with all that psychobabble nonsense." Too right!! And quit the colour analysis too

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jaybel

Hello...Then u have not met a real Indian woman as yet LOL!!

Shaktipalooza

Wow, this board reeks of racist attitudes. I'm married to an Indian woman. We've been together for nearly five years now.

I was definitely on the lookout for an Indian woman before we met. There were many reasons which I don't mind touching on a few.

A. They're hot! Not all Indian woman but some of them are WOWSVILLE (like Mrs Shaktipalooza).

B. I am an India addict. Like someone on this board already alluded, it can be a passion that will hinder a relationship with someone who doesn't understand. Especially when you are perfectly happy taking the vast majority of you vacation time off in India.

C. I suppose that I am stereotyping a bit when I say generally speaking, Indians have a disposition for making marriages work and having strong family ties. More so than western culture for sure.

D. It's a beautiful and vibrant culture. Marrying into it would be wonderful.

As for being submissive and more willing to accept their lower race status by marrying a honky, damn. You can't possibly be talking about the Indian people I know.

Having spent a couple of years in the Indian AND western dating scene I can say one thing for sure; Indians have standards, very very high standards when it comes to choosing a spouse. When an Indian woman thinks about a spouse she doesn't get stuck on how attractive you are nor does she think love is all she needs, not by a long shot.

Education, family, finances, job, qualifications as a good husband and future father. These things were always up for discussion earlier rather than later with Indian women. It was a bit of honesty that I found really refreshing.

The western dating scene on the other hand just plain sucked. People were always misrepresenting themselves. All to often they just didn't have a clue what they were looking for besides having a good time.

My brother just moved to PDX and is finding the dating scene to be rather depressing. Watching him struggle has been a reminder of what it was like for me. In the US you can't just be forward and say "I'm looking for a spouse", even though that's what most of us want. So we go to singles nights, start activities that aren't necessarily what we have a passion for, all in the rather obtusely executed pursuit of meeting someone.

Without exception the Indian women I met were well educated and doing damn well making way for themselves. Along the way I met an investment banker who was living in London, several with MBAs working in hitech and finance, and finally Mrs Shaktipalooza who is doing great things in tech marketing (she's was formally an engineer). They would all be likely to punch someone in the throat for labeling them as 'submissive'.

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robotvoice

so people go to bars and drink alcohol!

Tomi

Why the accusation? If I read the posters correctly, most are analyzing society the way they see it, not expressing their own opinions. Nobody has attacked Indian women, and I'm sorry you feel personally hurt, but statements like these make the whole thing more unpleasant and you should be more careful before you make them.