cross cultural relationships

kohinoor

Nice fiction anyway.

In reality, do the westernized Indians cope better with the west?

Somebody said, it would take a very long time for a westener to understand the Indian mentality. Is it the same for an Indian, to take a long time to understand the western mentality? (whatever that is...)
Or should we talk about hindus more than Indians? I ask this because there are christians in India too. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

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ddevadatta

Let me attempt to answer this in the context of this relationships thread. In intercultural marraiges there are what might be three phases. (For me there is always more because I have this knack to complicate things for myself... ).

1. The honeymoon phase: this is the real gidddy phase where everything is so peachjy and adorable, it feels so wonderful and euphoric and to use a metaphor even those pesky mosquitoes seem so romantic to us.

2. The settling down phase. This is when some of the differences start to become real issues within the marriage.

3. The resolution phases, is when these differences either get resolved or accepted or the conflicts fester and even become habits.

I have also found that these phases get re-cyled over and over again. So specifically to generally say that one directionb (either Indian or Western) is easier to understand perhaps is the mistaken question. It really depends on the person(s), their background and their resolve to understand the deeper issues of culture. The importance is whether the two persons approach their relationship from a genuinely intercultural perspective, what ever the specific culture might be.

I would hate for people to reduce India to Hindu. May I suggest that culture is the over-arching umbrella under which we have all other areas, including a specific religion. Culture can be seen as the sum total that explaians a person's beliefes, attitudes, and the way they govern and structure their lives. It is the unconsious and hidden framework of how we see reality. Moreover culture (or aspects of it) is my opinion can be both good and bad. There may be aspects of my own culture that my spouse's culture has not fully developed and vice versa and what is so rewarding is that one can complement the other or one can allow it to destroy the relationship.

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Nick-H

But for all her amazing breadth of mind my lady is still very, very Indian, looked upon much of London life with amazement and was glad to return home to her own culture and climate. Quite. I've spent lots of time over the past few years with Hindu people in London, playing Hindu music, doing Hindu things. It seemed perfectly natural and obvious and desirable to me that my next partner would be Hindu. As it happens, she is a devout christian...

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agni5454

Ha ha. so i gather from what you are saying that the story is a horrible reality if it was an India-Indian.
But a nice fantasy fiction if it was a Native American.

Good one, i like that LOL.

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Adriane&Salvador

[quote=agni5454]frankly i think ANY intercultural OR interracial marriages is wrong. I would go even one more step futher and say, Scots should only Marry Scots, English with English, Irish with Irish, Africans with Africans, Chinese with Chinese, or Indian with Indian (Depending on your caste). Otherwise, the marriage will never be smooth. I have said this before in this board and i will say this again. It is better to marry someone who thinks, feels, acts like yourself otherwise the relationship could become too complicated (heck, relationships ARE complicated to begin with) and the marriage will be a failure.
...
No, not a racist statement but saying it like it is. I have never dated anyone other than fellow PA Dutch. I know all too well that intercultural or Interracial relationship will never work.

Although neither of us is Indian, my marriage is cross-cultural and we have defintely experienced some of the challenges and troubles and thrills described by people here. Heck, when we first met, we couldn't speak to each other because of the language barrier and although we didn't start a relationship in that condition, we still carried around pocket translators for almost the first year.

Certainly some people lie about their intentions to get papers and visas but some really are honest abouttheir feelings. And certainly some inter-racial, inter-cultural relationships have extra problems- but plenty don't and all relationships have problems. We're currently in a very non-cosmopolitain part of the US and our biggest problem is people having a problem with *us*. So many people think that I'm just a fool, who will get used for a while before getting discarded after the papers go through. We're confusing them all by moving to India in January!

In my experience our cultural, language differences forced us to be much more honest, much more genuine because we had to try so hard just to communicate and not be misunderstood. Not that misunderstanding didn't happen- we've had some great ones!

I guess my 2 cents is this, good luck, and try not to listen to what some people will inevitably say about your "bad decision." It sounds like hey_namaste and some of the rest of you have found something and someone as good as my Salvador- good for you for being open enough to embrace it and congratulations!

lotus blossom

love your story!

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kohinoor

I think a misunderstanding paid a visit.

kohinoor

I'm still quoting this, because occurred to my mind, that
if "most Indians and Asians in general don't age as badly as the caucasians",
the reason has to be the HUMIDITY.
Have you compared 40+ Asian living his/her whole life in caucasian area to a local 40+ Asian?

Nick-H

There are some pretty good-looking ladies of Asian origin in this part of the world

And that includes the over 30s. And the over 40s,

Duryodhan

This argument doesn't hold up at all. My mother has lived most her life in the West now, is approaching 50, and people ask my younger brother (who is 22) if she's his younger sister. Granted, my mother is into physical culture and in absolutely crazy shape, but still.

If you put my mother next to another 50 year old German or Dutch friend of hers, they look like these wrinkled old grandmothers and my mother looks like a little kid next to them. It's just a known fact that Indians, Asians and Africans age more gracefully in general. Western people age horribly in general.

claurianta

Maybe it's what they eat.

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cloudchaser

Err -- I am quite shocked at some of the general stereotypical assumptions that have been floated on this thread regarding cultures - both Indian and Western. Some utter tripe and a dollop of bollocks to top things too. Quite surprised to see this on IM !

lotus blossom

i'd have to agree with you cloudchaser. i always thought that world travelers were more open to the idea of one global family.

emjoi

Whoa....
People's prejudices are starting to leak out here.

cloudchaser

lotus_blossom / emoji -- Correct and I dont even want to bother dignifying such toss by responding and rising to the troll baits.

As lotus_blossom says - quite dissapointing