cross cultural relationships

hey_namaste

i've noticed that many people in this forum are in cross cultural romantic relationships with someone from india...i'd like to get more of an idea of who you all are...

i'm in one myself, and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me...so i would like to hear any advice, tips, wisdom, funny stories, etc...
let's hear it.

Duryodhan

I can only speak for the white males that I know who go for Asian or Indian girls. Although they give all sorts of BS reasons for their tastes, I've figured out that the true reason is they don't feel secure with females from their own country/culture and deep down inside think of Asian or Indian girls as coming from a lower culture and therefore as being easier to bag.

Don't know about Asians, but the Indian obsession with white skin definitely makes it a very easy and entertaining road for the above mentioned white males.

bijapuri

feh . . . boy meets girl, doesn't matter to most what psycho-cultural crap is behind in, IMHO. If there is some hangup, the link is doomed, and usually very quickly.

of course, some people stay in the relationship anyway . . .

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kaushiks

Ha! Ha! Welcome wrestler. Blunt but effective. . I have always suspected the same but didn't have any samples to study closely. Have noticed such couples you are talking about, your observation seems spot on.

genevieve_lalune

But what about the girls? Do you infer the same thing, that we girls are so insecure? My guess is you do. But what if you were raised in a multicultural society where the odds are that one wll be in an intercultural relationship at one point in life? What if you like India and you move there, odds are you will be in an intercultural relationship. There are too many variables to generalise ! What do you say about the whites who don't find white skin sexy? Nothing like that would point to lower self-esteem!

stormysky

... so when all the non - indian guys don't trust women of their own country and end up marrying Indian women, the women dont have a choice, they end up with Indian men (who are also looking for foreign women, as all Indian girls are gone )

Cheers
sk

cfhi

hmmm i am chinese so yellow skin, also consider??? heh heh hahahaha

kaushiks

Must add, I can easily imagine couples who are really 'coupled' because they get along and not because the guy could feel secure only with an Asian. Haven't met them but definitely possible, particularly in a place like california or some such cosmopolitan place. All of the above is true and its a very nutty thing thing to prove or disprove. One can easily point a finger at people like us and say that it is all in our heads and the theory is total rubbish. Thats justified and is definitely possible.

There are certainly lots of variables and lots of different parameters for attractiveness. It is certainly possible that a caucasian ends up with a soft conservative Indian girl because he finds something he likes even though he has tons of top babes in his kind back home or he really didn't find anyone. It is bad to generalize but on top of all that I personally will have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that this theory above is at the root more often than not.
That is just an opinion and it would be most interesting see how uncommon it is.

And about the girls?. I doubt men every really have a clue . No cliche.

Duryodhan

Excellent choice of words! Samples...

I know what you mean though. Come stay with me here in Holland for a while, you will notice it quite quickly.

Duryodhan

Sure, it can and does work both ways. Females are equally if not more insecure than males, even though it's a totally different brand of insecurity.

I do not believe in the much-touted "multicultural society" myth. What is a multicultural society? It can't and doesn't exist (just my opinion).

Your point about there being whites who genuinely like non-whites on an equal level is valid. I'm sure they exist...somewhere. But compared to the norm they are so unbelievably rare, I guess in statistics we'd call them outliers and neglect them because they have no effect on the big picture.

What I mean is...visualize a huge Indian buffalo taking a massive dump on a road. Then go look at the result on the road. I'm sure, miraculously, you'll find some clean spots here and there on the road. But that really doesn't change the fact that it's one big pile of s---.

BhuttaJi

I fell in love with girl from South India whom I met in Switzerland. No culture or skin tone came into it. Nor for that matter any deep seated problem with girls from back home.

I simply fell for a beautiful person both inside and out. She truly is an angel waiting for her wings!

I'm may sound like a hopeless romantic but to hell with all that psychobabble nonsense.

Sorry guy's it is that simple!
may you all find your 'Zahir'

Nick-H

I'm 5% with Duryodhan and 95% with BhuttaJi on this.

I am a white male engaged to be married to an Indian citizen and planning to live there. I have previously had a relationship with a woman of Indian origin in UK, have had Japanese and Italian girlfriends ...and even white British girlfriends.

Whilst my Ex had lived in UK for thirty years, she still had her language and culture in her blood, but, in many ways, is as British as I am. Deciding to go for an Indian woman just because the idea (eg fantasy, but then, all relationships start off as fantasy) is, I would say, pretty tough. Unless one chooses a Westernised woman it would be a pretty hard thing to do without considerable prior knowledge of the culture.

And India is not one of those places where there are thousands of girls who dream of whisked off by a foreigner...

<pedant mode> well, there might be thousands, but as a percentage of half a billion, that's not many!

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BhuttaJi

Oh sorry guy's I forgot to explain about Zahir

It's taken from Paulo Coelho's new book and I quote

" Zahir , in Arabic means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness."

By the way mines the former not the latter!

Tomi

I personally feel that this is part of a bigger phenomenon, not just the boy-girl thing. I think that most of us who travel and who are open to foreign cultures (and foreign languages too) are people who don't feel 100% at home in their own milieu. I suspect among us posters in Indiamike there are few who were "prom queen", "most popular", "most likely to succeed", or on the road to becoming CEO of Walmart.
My experience has been that people who are distinctly successful alpha males and females at home have a hard time, or little interest, getting involved with strange worlds, differently colored people, differently smelling marketplaces. They seldom learn foreign languages. They buy the right clothes.
I don't mean it as a put down of travelers, as I am one myself, nor of "normal" people; it's just two ways of being.
I feel more at home many places abroad than here at home. And I much prefer geeks, dropouts, bird watchers, trekkers, dreamers, weirdos, and intercultural couples to the kewl, successful mainstream folk. Cross-cultural marrying would then be a natural development. Maybe it's fear or just a matter of taste. Most likely both.

Paagla Dashu

From personal experience of living in South East Asia for six-plus years and watching hundreds of marriages gone sour once a western family moves to Singers/Malaysia/Thai/Phil/Viet and the guy picking up a local partner and ditching the wife, there is some truth in Duryodhan's comments.

I do not think though that it has to do with "lower" culture, it seems to be the attraction of a gentler, caring, submissive Asian woman over their western counterparts.

Only an observation, and I will be more than happy to be proved wrong, specially for the hapless wives and children that get dumped because dad (in late forties in most cases) falls for a twenty something SPG.