Are Indian drivers closet Formula 1 drivers or just plain suicidal

torryquine · Apr 1st, 2005, 19:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by rangss

I die everytime I go on the road and am miraculosly born again everytime I return home.

I thought the belief in reincarnation was prerequisite to travelling on the Indian roads

mira4bai4 · Apr 6th, 2005, 08:35

I saw a road sign at a major intersection in Amritsar
Karma Does Not Cause Accidents ~ Bad Driving Does!

snowcrab · Jul 14th, 2005, 03:17

Just came back from a very interesting demo. Five hundred big gravel haulers just prowled down my neighborhood drag at about five miles an hour blowing their big diesel horns almost constantly. Very impressive display. They are protesting the low haulage fees they are getting especially since the price of diesel has increased 40% over the last year. Been circling the legislature and blocking up major roads for most of the week.

The thing that blew me away was how many brown faces there were. Maybe 1 in twenty drivers were white guys. Felt like I was back in India again. A few turbans, not that many, lots of Indian names on the trucks, Diwali, Deep etc. The only thing missing were the garlands of marigolds. Makes sense, Indian drivers are pretty hot, I guess they are pretty hot when they get over here also. And boy do they know how to do that solidarity thing. Stood and waved at them for about a three quarters of an hour.

One thing I did notice was the police. Thery were circling the parade like white sharks and every now and then would pull one trucker over into the open right lane, effectively slowing all the rest of the traffic trying to use the road down to five miles an hour also. Truckers weren't causing that much of a jam themselves, leaving a whole lane at the right and carefully not stopping on cross streets so other traffic could get around them without much trouble. But the police were making sure that the news will have a story tonight about how all these trucks impeded traffic on a major street for hours. How petty.

But it was fun. So watch out for these kings of the road coming to a neighbourhood near yours!

ascs26 · Jul 14th, 2005, 12:31

after all these serious stories/discussions... now comes the lighter part...

Driving Styles ...

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window.
- Sydney

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn

- Japan

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on
accelerator...
- Boston

Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering
in terror
- New York

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to
talk to someone in back seat
- Italy

One hand on horn,
one hand on holding gear,
one ear listening to loud music,
one ear on cell phone,
one foot on accelerator,
one foot on clutch,
nothing on break,
eyes on females in next car,
- Welcome to INDIA!

Disclaimer : Not my joke, shared from a mail

harshad · Jul 18th, 2005, 17:53

Let me tell u a joke on driving in India

A foreigner wanted to travel in India by road and asked for tips on driving on India roads. His Indian friend replied, " It is preetymuch like in your place, but with few additional precautions. they are:-

1. When u see a car or two wheeler approaching or overtaking u its all right.

2. If u see a bus having funny coulors on it (State Transport Buses), shift to extreme left of the raod and drive slowly.

3. If u see a truck approaching or trying to overtake u, shift to extreme laft of the road, stop and abandon your vehicle.

4. If u see a truck painted military gray or in Camouflage paint any where near u, ahead or astern of u, do as u are told in instruction 3 above, but just dont stand there, climb the nearest Tree (because Army drivers drive with a firm conviction that they own the road)." (Copyright of the joke is not mine)

biswajit_27 · Aug 3rd, 2005, 23:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by ddevadatta

This is where the horn comes in. He is telling the other he is just about to break the rule(s) and he is warning the other to adjust accordingly.

First: I didn't know that overtaking a vehicle is against the rules. (In your countries maybe

)
Second: I sound the horn while overtaking a vehicle to inform him that I am gonna pass him, and that he should not take a turn (towards the lane I am travelling) while I am doing it.

alabamagoa · Aug 3rd, 2005, 23:59

At the moment monsoon time all you have to try and avoid is herds of cows, tree's falling,electric wires and holes that suddendly appear after ever downpour of rain, wait to the season starts it gets far worse, i can drive a car out here no problem and i'll ride pillon any day with bike pilots or people i know, but me ride a scooter no way!!!!!!you have to have your eyes up your b.......

Quote:

Originally Posted by durian

Holy mackerel. I thought Montreal or Boston drivers were crazy. I was obviously so far off the mark.

My company got me a driver to drive me from my hotel to Electronic City and for other trips. My first experience in panic (which was also my first day in India) was at a really busy junction. My driver, without any warning (oh, except the driver constantly hitting his horn), suddenly drives into a really busy junction to make a right turn, cutting off the traffic coming from the right. All the traffic from the right and left lane had to brake to avoid him. The only thing missing was screeching tires.

Speaking of which, I swear the most used equipment in cars must be the horn. These drivers are constantly horning each other. We were caught in a traffic jam with nobody moving - traffic jam ahead of us as far as the eye can see. My driver was constantly lightly brushing the horn at nobody in particular. I was just a constant beep beep. I am certain it is simply an unconscious movement to him. Just like somebody blinking or breathing.

I really feel sorry for pedestrians and husbands/wives on two wheelers. My driver has no qualms coming up behind them (leaning on the horn - what else), and then squeezing them off the road just so that he can get ahead.

My driver is going to drive me to Mysore tomorrow. If you don't see any more posting from me and if you are in the area, please check to see if I am still alive in some hospital between Bangalore and Mysore.

Bernie

WOW - MY FIRST TIME IN INDIA. WHAT A MIND BLOWER. THANKS TO ALL IM'ers FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE. IT REALLY HELPED PREPARE ME FOR THIS TRIP. I'M LOVING IT.

natasha chanda acharya · Dec 16th, 2005, 10:11

this interesting forward warrents reopening this thread.

Driving in India

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry in India and daring to drive on Indian roads, here are a few hints for survival.

They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.

Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company.

The hints are as follows:

Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.

Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in re-incarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.

Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust(two brisk blasts),or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.

Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting
for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground
drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw
and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote.
This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers
three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare.After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion enroute to school.

Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur,
and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an
electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at
break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the
moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather
drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mo-pped"
off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and
during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging
off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded
bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface
tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a
width of three passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in
their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hyporcritical, I must add a positive point also.

Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing
a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left un-tarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those
with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.

Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink
your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is
the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the
last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously.

Happy driving!

PRIYA · Dec 16th, 2005, 20:09

Absolutely brilliant.

Copied for circulation!!!

machadinha · May 16th, 2007, 19:43

http://www.normankoren.com/India_04_2.html :

Quote:

Rules Of The Road, Indian Style

Traveling on Indian Roads is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable -- and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous. Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on a Sanskrit text. These 12 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English:

ARTICLE I:

The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.

ARTICLE II:

Indian traffic, like Indian society, is structured on a strict caste system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to:Cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.

ARTICLE III:

All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: to slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat. This is the Indian drivers' mantra.

ARTICLE IV: Use of horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural amulet):

Cars (IV,1,a-c):

1. Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, i.e., in clearing dogs, rickshaws and pedestrians from path.

2. Long blasts (desperate) denote supplication, i.e., to oncoming truck: "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die". In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).

3. Single blast (casual) means: "I have seen someone out of India's 870 million whom I recognise," "There is a bird in the road (which at this speed could go through my windscreen)," or "I have not blown my horn for several minutes."

Trucks and buses (IV,2,a):

A. All horn signals have the same meaning, viz: "I have an all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tons and have no intention of stopping, even if I could." This signal may be emphasised by the use of headlamps.

ARTICLE V remains subject to the provision of Order of Precedence in Article II, above.

ARTICLE VI: All manoeuvres, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the last possible moment.

ARTICLE VII: In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall wear garlands of marigolds. These should be kept fastened at all times.

ARTICLE VIII:

1. Rights of way: Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So has traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle.
2. Lane discipline (VII,1): All Indian traffic at all times and irrespective of direction of travel shall occupy the centre of the road.

ARTICLE IX: Roundabouts: India has no roundabouts. Apparent traffic islands in the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other impression should be ignored.

ARTICLE X: Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken you. Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at junctions and in the middle of villages/city centres. No more than two inches should be allowed between your vehicle and the one you are passing -- and one inch in the case of bicycles or pedestrians.

ARTICLE XI: Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.

ARTICLE XII: Reversing: no longer applicable since no vehicle in India has reverse gear.

shashank.aggarwal · May 16th, 2007, 19:53

Hey guys...try me out !! I am one of the crazy delhi drivers..

Infact i am waiting for Schumakers to come and take tips from me !!

Nick-H · May 16th, 2007, 20:45

And I am fast becoming one of the crazy Chennai drivers!

machadinha · May 16th, 2007, 20:49

This looks to be the fuller version, sorry for the repeat:

http://www.indiastar.com/Palan.html

Quote:

Rules of the Road, Indian Style

Traveling on Indian roads is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle
and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, frequently
exhilarating, always unforgettable--and extremely dangerous. Most Indian road
users observe a version of the Bharat Highway Code based on Rickshawsutra,
a disputed Sanskrit text summarizing ten rules of the road.

Article I:
The assumption of immortality is required of all travelers. If death frightens
you, stay home. India enjoys the world's original mass transit system, which is
hereby defined as "mass rules the road." If you are bigger, you have the right
of way, no matter what other conditions prevail. However, in the case of
accidents this rule is reversed, and the driver of the larger vehicle involved
in any collision is, a priori, guilty and may be summarily beaten by passers-by,
lest the short arm of the law fail to exact his due punishment.

Article II:
Indian traffic, like Indian society, is structured on a strict caste system. The
following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give
way to: cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light
lorries, buffalo, jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters,
auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles goods-carrying), handcarts,
bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs and pedestrians. 1992 Addendum: The above is
superceded when any one of the above is ahead of another and both are traveling
in the same direction. The vehicle in front is allowed any and every movement.
Those behind must submit appropriately.

Article III:
All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: to slow is to
falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat. This is the Indian drivers'
mantra. In observance of this rule three things are required of every licensed
driver: a good horn, good brakes and good luck.

Article IV:
Cars (class II,4,b): Use of a horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural
amulet) is manditory. Drivers caught neglecting a horn for more than a minute
will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.
1. Short bursts (urgent) indicate supplication, e.g., in clearing dogs,
rickshaws and pedestrians from path. Even if they can see you clearly, others
will not acknowledge your presence unless you blare, at least a bit.
2. Long bellows (desperate) denote supremacy, e.g., to oncoming truck: "I am
going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die."
3. Single blast (casual) means: "I have just seen someone out of India's 870
million whom I recognise," or "There is a bird in the road (which at this speed
could go through my windscreen)" or "I have not blown my horn for two minutes."
Trucks and buses (class IV,2,a): All horn signals have the same meaning, viz: "I
am at the helm of a 12.5-ton juggernaut, am tired, late to my destination,
unafraid of death and have no intention of stopping, even if I could. Do what
you think is prudent."
4. Incessant din indicates either A.) Cautious, professional chauffeur is
approaching, or B.) Driver is napping for a few minutes with his head on the
horn to clear the road ahead. Article IV remains subject to the provision of
Order of Precedence in Article II above.

Article V:
Never stop for an accident, except to pummel victims as outlined in Article I.
As you drive past the mangled mountain of metal, show compassion by thinking to
yourself, "That's karma," or in the case of a big collision, "That's truckma."
All maneuvers, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the last
possible moment to assure an uninterrupted flow of automotive-induced
adrenaline.

Article VI:
In the absence of seat belts (which, like God, is omnipresent in India), car
occupants shall wear garlands of marigolds. These must be kept fastened at all
times. Upon arrival at one's destination, a moment of tearful prayer is
compulsory--a large donation to one's favorite temple is optional.

Article VII:
1. Rights of way: Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So has
traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle. 2. Lane discipline:
Vehicles are permitted half of the roadway. White lines, when provided, are used
to center your vehicle on the road, so your half is taken precisely out of the
middle. When similarly aligned on-coming vehicles approach, do not relent your
position until the last minute, lest they deem you a feckless road warrior and
drive you mercilessly into the nearest paddy field.

Article VIII:
Speed: It is the responsibility of each village and community to control the
velocity of vehicles. Since signs are ineffectual and traffic will move at the
fastest speed possible, this is done by a well-planned program of road
negligence whereby an 80km/hour roadway is assiduously maintained once every
twenty-five years and a 40km/hour thoroughfare is never subjected to repairs.
Roundabouts: India recognizes no roundabouts. Ostensible traffic islands in the
middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other impression
should be ignored.

Article IX:
Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake every other
moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken you or whether you
are in a rush or not (stories of drivers who were not in a hurry still circulate
in remote villages). Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable
conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at
junctions and in the middle of villages/city centres. No more than two inches
should be allowed between your vehicle and the one you are passing--and two
millimeters in the case of bicycles or pedestrians. When two lorries are engaged
in passing a passenger car simultaneously, other vehicles are advised to wait
for a narrow bridge or roadside accident to begin passing procedures. Corollary
Rule: If one car is ahead of another, it shall, by deftly swerving across any
number of lanes, make a responsible effort to keep others, even ambulances, from
passing, thus preserving the ancient tradition that no one gets around an
Indian.

Article X:
No more than eight passengers shall occupy a single-seated motorscooter, and
commuters hanging or sitting on the outside of a bus or train shall in no
instance exceed double the number of seats provided inside the vehicle. Highways
of four lanes or more, if ever built, are required to cross a one-lane bridge or
pass through a conjested hamlet every ten miles. Traffic enforcement officers shall
have no fewer than 10 hours of college-level Chaos Theory and animal husbandry.
The state of Gujarat is hereby exempted from all humorous insult and innuendo,
being the only place in India with really good roads.

India's traffic thus reveals her very soul. India is courageous and able to
survive just about anything. She is intense, complex beyond comprehension, and a
little bit wild. She is nimble, gregarious and unselfconscious. She loves
liberty more than law and risks the higher road of trust in the spiritual
process while others ply the safe byways of control.

jaat · May 17th, 2007, 12:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by shashank.aggarwal

Hey guys...try me out !! I am one of the crazy delhi drivers..

Infact i am waiting for Schumakers to come and take tips from me !!

how about a drag race shashank?any place you wish in delhi & ncr

shashank.aggarwal · May 17th, 2007, 14:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaat

how about a drag race shashank?any place you wish in delhi & ncr

your name says it all bro..

Any localite in delhi knows what a Jaat means..Solah Duni Aath

I would prefer to stay away from you my brother...

Jul 14th, 2005, 12:31	#64
ascs26 Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: bangalore Posts: 6	Driving Styles ... after all these serious stories/discussions... now comes the lighter part... Driving Styles ... One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. - Sydney One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn - Japan One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator... - Boston Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror - New York Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat - Italy One hand on horn, one hand on holding gear, one ear listening to loud music, one ear on cell phone, one foot on accelerator, one foot on clutch, nothing on break, eyes on females in next car, - Welcome to INDIA! Disclaimer : Not my joke, shared from a mail __________________ Gone are the days of Glory...

Jul 18th, 2005, 17:53	#65
harshad INCREDIBLE INDIA Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: INDIA Posts: 36	Let me tell u a joke on driving in India A foreigner wanted to travel in India by road and asked for tips on driving on India roads. His Indian friend replied, " It is preetymuch like in your place, but with few additional precautions. they are:- 1. When u see a car or two wheeler approaching or overtaking u its all right. 2. If u see a bus having funny coulors on it (State Transport Buses), shift to extreme left of the raod and drive slowly. 3. If u see a truck approaching or trying to overtake u, shift to extreme laft of the road, stop and abandon your vehicle. 4. If u see a truck painted military gray or in Camouflage paint any where near u, ahead or astern of u, do as u are told in instruction 3 above, but just dont stand there, climb the nearest Tree (because Army drivers drive with a firm conviction that they own the road)." (Copyright of the joke is not mine) __________________ LIVE LIFE AS IT COMES, YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A DULL MOMENT Last edited by harshad : Jul 18th, 2005 at 17:57. Reason: error

Dec 16th, 2005, 20:09	#69
PRIYA Discombobulated Elsewherean! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: nether regions Posts: 1,125	Absolutely brilliant. Copied for circulation!!! __________________ Happiness is for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. (Anon.)

May 16th, 2007, 19:53	#71
shashank.aggarwal Mr. Badboy :D Join Date: May 2007 Location: ~ Dilli ~ Posts: 5,510	Hey guys...try me out !! I am one of the crazy delhi drivers.. Infact i am waiting for Schumakers to come and take tips from me !! __________________ Travelogue - Around India Random Reviews Last edited by shashank.aggarwal : May 16th, 2007 at 19:54. Reason: grammar

May 16th, 2007, 20:45	#72
Nick-H Loud-mouthed, Noisy Bird Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 26,864	And I am fast becoming one of the crazy Chennai drivers! __________________ . Just one member of the IndiaMike Mod Team

Apr 6th, 2005, 08:35	#62
mira4bai4 Lost in Space Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ND PaharGanj Permanently/Temporarily Posts: 1,188	I saw a road sign at a major intersection in Amritsar Karma Does Not Cause Accidents ~ Bad Driving Does!

Jul 14th, 2005, 03:17	#63
snowcrab Maha Guru Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Alberta, Can Posts: 1,045	Just came back from a very interesting demo. Five hundred big gravel haulers just prowled down my neighborhood drag at about five miles an hour blowing their big diesel horns almost constantly. Very impressive display. They are protesting the low haulage fees they are getting especially since the price of diesel has increased 40% over the last year. Been circling the legislature and blocking up major roads for most of the week. The thing that blew me away was how many brown faces there were. Maybe 1 in twenty drivers were white guys. Felt like I was back in India again. A few turbans, not that many, lots of Indian names on the trucks, Diwali, Deep etc. The only thing missing were the garlands of marigolds. Makes sense, Indian drivers are pretty hot, I guess they are pretty hot when they get over here also. And boy do they know how to do that solidarity thing. Stood and waved at them for about a three quarters of an hour. One thing I did notice was the police. Thery were circling the parade like white sharks and every now and then would pull one trucker over into the open right lane, effectively slowing all the rest of the traffic trying to use the road down to five miles an hour also. Truckers weren't causing that much of a jam themselves, leaving a whole lane at the right and carefully not stopping on cross streets so other traffic could get around them without much trouble. But the police were making sure that the news will have a story tonight about how all these trucks impeded traffic on a major street for hours. How petty. But it was fun. So watch out for these kings of the road coming to a neighbourhood near yours!

Dec 16th, 2005, 10:11	#68
natasha chanda acharya barefeet indian Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: India Posts: 566	this interesting forward warrents reopening this thread. Driving in India For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry in India and daring to drive on Indian roads, here are a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer. Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in re-incarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position. Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead. Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust(two brisk blasts),or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage. Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success. Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare.After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate. Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mo-pped" off the tarmac. Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers. One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hyporcritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left un-tarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting. Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Happy driving!

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